Monday, May 29, 2006 || The Eliza Lee alter-ego controversy.
- The cause of much controversy in the Lee household:
Looks pretty innocent, nothing my parents should get worked up about, right?
But ah, the eyes of a concerned parent is sharper than that of a hawk's.
My beloved mother, upon seeing the presence of a male name on her beautiful daughter's "wishlist", went into hysterics.
"Who's Ezra???," she demanded.
Me: "Err .... Ezra's my male alter-ego. Like you know, Jaclyn's alter-ego's Jane... so mine's Ezra!"
Mum: "What alter-ego??"
Me: "Ezra is my other identity ... Eliza equals Ezra ..... HAHAHAHA!"
I know lah, I'm lame. Heh.
Beloved Mother: "WHAT?! Are you treating me like a joke?!? IS HE YOUR BOYFRIEND?!?" (translation: you'd better tell me who the hell is Ezra, or I'll poison your dinner.)
Beautiful Me: "Erm ... no lah. If he was my boyfriend, he wouldn't be on my wishlist right. He'd be on my to-do list.... HAHAH"
Though, apparently, she didn't quite get it. Thankfully. =P
Mum: "........ I don't mind if you have a boyfriend wan. But you have to be honest about these kinda things. Who is he? Why is he on your wishlist??"
Me: "He's the guy I've liked for the past three years ....." -_-''
Mum: "Three years?! Wah I thought you were very 'fa sam' wan. All my friends said you look like a bad girl when they saw you that day!"
Ahh, another first impression down the drain. Seriously, I give out the shittiest first impressions ever. I get everything from lan ci, snobby, bitchy, to hiao. =(
Me: "Speak of loyalty, I'm the most loyal person on earth okay ... "
Mum: "Hm ....... Well, since you like him three years already also nothing happen, I suggest you go find somebody else. Someone older and most importantly, MUST BE RICH, generous and good to the future mother-in-law ... Not handsome nevermind ..."
Me: " ..... Errr. Thanks for the tip."
...... -_-
Moral of the story: Never put the name of the guy/girl you like on your wishlist board, cause when your "kepoh" parents find out, they'll most likely find a way to make it about themselves, and use it as an opportunity to shatter your dreams. =(
Since I can't get the guy I like, like my beloved mother helpfully pointed out, at least I still have my dog. =(
- I SWEAR, I'll have to start blogging properly again. I have no idea why I *seem* to be so busy nowadays .... even though my classes aren't that hectic yet. =(
However, X-men 3 was GREAT, as I expected! Go watch it, people. :D It was a million times better than The Da Vinci code.
Got this quiz thing from Jin's blog.
INSTRUCTIONS:
Copy this whole list into your journal. Bold the things that are true about you. Italic the things that you are unsure or partly true or wish was true. Whatever you don't bold is false.
THE QUIZ:
1) I miss somebody right now. (No, I don't. Surprisingly. Though I'd really KILL to see *ahem* again....)
2) I don't watch much TV these days. (SOME shows are still quite entertaining... )
3) I love olives.
4) I love sleeping. (Duh. Who doesn't?)
5) I own lots of books.
6) I wear glasses or contact lenses.
7) I love to play video games. (yeah! I LOVE GAMES. Go GTA! And Harvest moon!)
8) I've tried marijuana. (Do I look that cool to you? =( )
9) I've watched porn movies. (*blink*)
10) I have been in a threesome. (woo, that'd be quite interesting!)
11) I have been the psycho-ex in a past relationship.
12) I believe honesty is usually the best policy. (Whatever works ..... *wink*)
13) I have acne free skin. (Hallelujah! .... Though I have eyebags. Gah.)
14) I like and respect Al Sharpton. (..... Al what?)
15) I curse frequently. (... A lot less, nowadays. Apparently.)
16) I have changed a lot mentally over the last year. (Reading my past blog entries and my diaries ... I think I've changed. Who hasn't?)
17) I have a hobby. (I have many hobbies, actually. Sleeping, eating, stoning .......)
18) I've been told I have a nice butt.
19) I carry my knife/razor everywhere with me. (I REALLY ought to, but I couldn't be arsed most of the time...)
20) I'm really, really smart. (Sometimes I get really narcissistic and I think that I'm a genius.)
21) I've broken someone's bones. (I DO wanna break *censored*'s bones ... :P)
22) I have a secret that I am ashamed to reveal. (I do have a secret. An extremely huge one. But somehow, I think that I'm not all that ashamed to reveal it...)
23) I hate the rain. (no way! I love the rain!)
24) I'm paranoid at times. (... Quite often, yeah.)
25) I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar free. (This is a dumb question.)
26) I need money right now. (OMG, LIKE DUH!)
27) I love sushi. (I love food. Sushi is food. Hence, I love sushi.)
28) I talk really, really fast.
29) I have fresh breath in the morning. (I have no idea ... )
30) I have semi-long hair. (my hair is LONG, yo.)
31) I have lost money in Las Vegas.
32) I have at least one brother and/or one sister.
33) I was born in a country outside of the US.
34) I shave my legs.
35) I have a twin. (that'd be cool.)
36) I have worn fake hair/nails/eyelashes in the past.
37) I couldn't survive without Caller ID.
38) I like the way that I look. (Hell, of course I do. If *you* don't like the way *you* look, you'll better start preparing yourself for a lifetime membership in depressionville.)
39) I have lied to a good friend in the last 6 months. (I can't even remember the last time I lied, so I suppose this ought to be true ...)
40) I know how to do cornrows.
41) I am usually pessimistic.
42) I have mood swings.
43) I think prostitution should be legalized.
44) I think Britney Spears is hot. (She used to be cute ...)
45) I have cheated on a significant other in the past.
46) I have a hidden talent. (I wish I was modest enough to actually hide a talent... hahaha!)
47) I'm always hyper no matter how much sugar I have.
48) I think that I'm popular.
49) I am currently single. ( ....... *ahem*)
50) I have kissed someone of the same sex. (Someday, someday ...)
51) I enjoy talking on the phone.
52) I practically live in sweatpants or PJ pants.
53) I love to shop. (When I'm actually NOT broke, I adore splurging...)
54) I would rather shop than eat!
55) I would classify myself as ghetto. (wtf?)
56) I'm bourgie and have worn a sweater tied around my shoulders.
57) I'm obsessed with my xanga. (xanga? *blinks* What's that?)
58) I don't hate anyone. (... I HONESTLY didn't. Until yesterday, that is. When I've finally discovered my capacity to actually detest someone.)
59) I'm a pretty good dancer. (I dunno)
60) I don't think Mike Tyson raped Desiree Washington. (... So?)
61) I'm completely embarrassed to be seen with my mother.
62) I have a cell phone.
63) I hate my boyfriends' ex-girlfriends.
64) I watch MTV on a daily basis.
65) I have passed out drunk in the past 6 months.
66) I love drama. (As long as I'm not a part of it...)
67) I have never been in a real relationship before. (I don't know. Honestly. Subject to interpretation.)
68) I've rejected someone before.
69) I currently have a crush on someone. ( Kinda. Or maybe it's a long-term obsession. =( )
70) I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life. (I wanna be a rich journalist. HAHA. But apparently, journalists aren't rich.)
71) I want to have children in the future.
72) I have changed a diaper before.
73) I've had the cops called on me before
74) I bite my nails.
75) I am a member of the Tom Green fan club.
76) I'm not allergic to anything. (I'm allergic to work ... and pricks.)
77) I have a lot to learn. (Yup.)
78) I have dated someone at least 10 years older or younger than me. (Wow wow, I want!)
79) I plan on seeing Ice Cube's newest "Friday" movie.
80) I am very shy around the opposite sex sometimes. (It actually depends on my mood ...)
81) I'm online 24/7, even as an away message. (I'm away 80% of the time)
82) I have at least 5 away messages saved.
83) I have tried alcohol or drugs before. (Obviously ...)
84) I have made a move on a friend's significant other in the past. (Again, subject to interpretation. :D)
85) I own the "South Park" movie.
86) I have avoided assignments at work to be on Blogger. (*coughs* I'm just being human.)
87) When I was a kid I played "the birds and the bees" with a neighbour or chum.
88) I enjoy some country music.
89) I love my best friends. (Obviously. I'm the most loving best friend in the world. ERRR.)
90) I think that Pizza Hut has the best pizza.
91) I watch soap operas whenever I can.
92) I'm obsessive, anal retentive, and often a perfectionist.
93) I have used my sexuality to advance my career. (Hah! I wish ...)
94) I love Michael Jackson, scandals and all.
95) I know all the words to Slick Rick's "Children's Story". (I've heard the song before though)
96) Halloween is awesome because you get free candy. (... Welcome to Malaysia.)
97) I watch Spongebob Squarepants and I like it. (Who can not love a yellow sponge who sprays pepper spray on himself?)
98) I have dated a close friend's ex. (uh, again, subject to interpretation ...)
99) I'm happy as of this moment. (I just watched X-men 3! What's not to be happy about?!)
100) I have wet dreams. ( ...... )
... I can't believe I actually DID that "quiz"!
ANYWAY, I'm actually trying to research crap for my Psychology assignment now. =( Any psychology students out there? Help me out!
Haha, just kidding. Anyway, my individual assignment's supposed to be about the Theories of Emotion. I chose that coz I honestly think it's pretty easy, though MANY people seemed to think otherwise. =(((
It's due in a month. *GASP* OMG why am I doing it now? It's SO unlike me. My usual style'd be to cram my work the day BEFORE the deadline.
Wow, I'm evolving into a nerd. Fabulous!
Okay, will update later. Tata!
Friday, May 26, 2006 || I wanna lose five kg
- HELLO suckas!
How 's everybody? I'm ..... okay. =P
I was in college from 9 till 6.30 p.m. -_- Imagine that!
And most of my yesterday night was spent trying to convince my friend who's planning to come to life college in AUGUST to come TODAY for the may intake. Of course, my persuasions failed. (Haha, Andrew! you!)
Anyway, college was alright. I hung out with a chick who curses, two other classmates, and a couple of pastor's sons. (Hey Yuenqi, your gang!)
I'm seriously thanking God I didn't follow Suet around or anything. Some of "us" were raising our eyebrows at this girl in my class, who only sticks to the seniors (though they seem to ignore her, kinda) and follows us only when she's senior-less.
........ As for me, my new motto is: See no evil, speak no evil. ;) I'm definitely NOT gonna gossip, but neither will I bother getting pissed over puny stuff.
What makes me feel a bit apprehensive, though, is my blog. Assuming I watch my mouth and not say shit in real life, I DO NOT hold back in my blog. Since it is, after all, my way of jotting down my life.
So if anybody I accidentally talked about somehow or other comes across my blog ... it really is no difference if I talked about it in real life or not, is there?
Ah, whatever will be, will be. *smiles*
Anyway, during a yum cha session yesterday when I had no college, a woman wearing REALLY REALLY skimpy clothes walked into the cafe.
... REALLY really skimpy. -_-'' Even in *my* books.
So obviously, being the kepoh and bitchy people that we were, we were commenting about her wise choice of clothings to wear in a small pearl milk cafe.
Jaclyn: "Hahahahaha luckily she's not that fat loh ..."
Nic: "Erm ... actually, I dunno, can see her stomach sticking out lah."
Me: "*tells Jac* Actually, WE wouldn't mind wearing THAT right ...... if we were actually thin enough, that is ...."
Nic: "*pokes me* You're thin la wei..."
Me: "*GASP* OMG! First time you called me thin! Wtf!"
Nic: "No lah, thin compared to her ... HAHAHAHA!"
Me: "..... -_-"
Erm, okay okay, I KNOW I'm not thin. I'd need to lose like 5kg to be considered slim, or even remotely thin, thanks to the tough standard society holds for chicks today ...
Tsk tsk. I FEEL like I really ought to diet .... but really lah, who gives a flying arse?
OH OH, I've been drinking some kinda herbal tea for the past few days ...... and today, I've found out that ...
...
It's supposed to help improve your sex drive. Or something like that.
OMG! Damn wtf right? =(
I think that perhaps that is why I was so emo for the past few days. I'm so sorry, guys. *hic*
And oh, err, thanks to all the well-wishers who really thought that I was suicidal or something, thanks to my last post. LOVE YOU GUYS!
I'm alright, totally. Besides, it's almost Friday! :D Can watch Xmen3 soon! Yay!
Wednesday, May 24, 2006 || My first day in college
- HIE people!
Ask me about my first day at college. Go on!
*smiles* Well, to almost everybody who asked me, I merely answered, "It was okay, save for the fact that I transformed into azilE ..." (opposite of Eliza, yo)
It was pretty awkward at first, since ALL (I swear!) of the girls in my supposed class were SO quiet.
There was a girl who stared blankly at me without answering anything everytime I asked her a question. =.=''
...... It was okay, though, despite my intense scrutinization of everything and pessimism. :P I did make some "friends" (supposedly?) and since Christine and Jaclyn once adviced me to talk to chicks and not dudes first ... that's what I did. O_o
And I didn't curse! .......Although there was one time when I accidentally muttered "What the hell ..." under my breath, and a girl was staring at me like I've gone cuckoo.
... I would've KILLED to have any of my good friends with me. Now I've realized how much I'm dependant on them for fun and comfort. =(
BUT, my first sem's schedule is pretty light ...... which actually means that I'm possibly able to resume my lifestyle when I was bumming! *hugs mamaks, friends and PS2*
And I'll probably be able to work part-time as well. =)
Yesterday, college ended at one *phew* and I immediately hurried to find my friends. We ended up talking in coffee bean until 8. -_-
Cally, in her usual CALLYish manner, wanted to go to mamak at 10. o_O Though we couldn't ...
"You know, I've just realized that you are soooooo important in my life", was the first thing I exclaimed to Jaclyn when I saw her.
"Why?"
"I swear, you're probably the only one on earth who takes me AS I AM and doesn't expect anything from me... Goddd what am I gonna do without you guys in college!!! I'm scared wei! I think I've taken you guys for granted, and now I really feel the pain ..."
"Actually I also know la, I need you in my life a lot also. Cause at least at the end of the day, I just know that my best friend is there for me loh, and I can always look forward to bitching to you whenever I need to .... Other people will only think I'm mengada-ing."
"Awww ... *emo*"
"Haih ..... *emo*"
"OKAY okay, enough la fucker."
........ Some things never change. -____-
I *do* wish that I brought my camera along with me wherever I go more often though. My blog is SO lacking pics!
Oh oh, before I forget. I SWEAR:
1) I will get a good G.P.A no matter what. I MUST. For the sake of my dreams.
2) I will not kiss the asses of the cool kids. (jk)
3) I will NOT flirt around. I will save my antics for another day. =P
Seriously, I REALLY do wanna do academically well in college. Nothing else really matters anymore. If getting good grades in college will bring me one step closer to realizing my dreams .... I really WILL have to do it, and not get distracted by the usual petty stuff.
And oh, I believe I'm not the only person who thinks this way, but I absolutely HATE cheap people. I think some people will know what I mean by 'cheap'.
I'm really, really disappointed in *you*.
EDIT: I fell asleep on the couch, curled up with Fifi, and when my dad came home he yanked Fifi out of the chair cause he didn't want her to dirty his sofa. =(
She squealed in pain and terror. *sakit hati*
My dad is evil.
Monday, May 22, 2006 || A beginning to a new chapter in my life!
- Ahhh, I REALLY should force myself to blog more.
Can you imagine if I'm too busy/lazy to blog when I'm still bumming (sorta), what'll happen to my blog when college and "real life" (a.k.a the boring life) starts again?
Which, in my case, will be tomorrow. *cues funeral music*
Okay, before I blog about my boring life, I'll do the meme Jin tagged me with.
Four movies I can watch over and over again:
- Sex is Zero (korean american pie-ish movie, which is
- City of angels
- Shrek! Best walt disney movie ever, in my opinion.
- Basic instincts. (haha, just joking. Didn't like it.)
Four places I've lived:
- KL? -_-
- Singapore
- uh ... Butterworth, Penang
- Jaclyn and Pui yee's
(at this point, this meme seems VERY familiar. I think I've done it before. O_o)
Four books I'd recommend to anyone:
- Nicholas Sparks - Message in a bottle. The first book EVER to actually make me cry, with tears dripping all over the pages. Haha.
- Dean Koontz - Watchers. This is probably my favourite book ever. Seriously, go read it. Classic.
- The Five people you meet in heaven - can't remember who
- ......... no idea
Four of my favourite dishes (MY FAVOURITE QUESTION!)
- CHEESE BAKED RICE!!!111oneone
- SPAGHETTI!
- Junk food
- I generally adore eating almost everything. EXCEPT seafood.
Four sites I visit everyday:
- hotmail.com
- suemefordreaming.blogspot.com =)
- google.com
- all of my friend's blogs, and random blogs.
Four places I'd rather be right now:
- Mamak
- Pearl point's pearl milk cafe, before they shut the whole place down for renovation. =(
- Australia. Cause it doesn't seem as out of league as the States.
- anywhere but sitting in front of the comp, blogging while dreading the beginning of a new life and new responsibilities.
I tag:
Jon Ling
Ann jie?
you, you, you.
-----------------
Okay, people, let me begin by saying that Over the hedge is a million times better than The Da Vinci Code. Because well, the Da Vinci code movie was a really big disappointment. =(
AND, I've put on weight, suckas! ........ I've never been thin in my entire life, and it sucks to put on weight when you simply can't afford to. Especially when all your fat accumulates in your face, which produces a really bad effect.
After watching the Da Vinci code, Jaclyn, Suet and I met for dinner at IOI and watched Over the Hedge after that.
Oh, I'm pretty happy that Suet's in Life college. So even if I'm a social reject, I'll still have ONE buddy! *thinks happy thoughts*
And I was REALLY trying pretty hard to cut down my, err, usage of vulgar language. Though that really failed, especially whenever Jaclyn's around. =(
And I even stopped wearing all-black outfits and dark makeup! That shows how much effort I'm putting in to become a good, nerdy college girl.
...... The result, however, leaves much to be desired. I look like a drag queen wearing her daughter's shirt.
I can't believe this. I'm already hating myself.
me: "Weiiii sui por ... I mean, Pui yee, next year come to Life college ok!"
Pui yee: "What's that?"
me: " .......... a college -_-"
Pui Yee: "No leh, I think I'm going to TAR ..."
KNNCBMCH!!! (sorry *blush*)
I don't expect anybody to understand this, but I just wish time would freeze and I wouldn't need to grow up. All my friends and I are going totally different ways, and that'll inevitably change things.
I actually DO feel very emo now cause now that everybody's so busy, we're all gonna drift apart sooner or later. How could new friends ever live up to six years of friendship and hardships, right?
I <3 style="font-style: italic;">this path. I think that I'm a slightly better person that I was, and that in college I believe I'll learn the true meaning of humility and responsibilities.
And that's good. I was SO close to going down the slutty, 'LOOK AT ME' camwhore, narcissistic, lan ci bitch lane.
Now I have short nails. (usually they're damn long and blood red/black) .... And I'm oddly quite satisfied.
The next step is gonna be a LOT harder, for me.
I MUST NOT SKIP CLASSES.
See, the only reason I always fall into this habit is cause I find thrill in breaking rules. So sue me for that. But I'll really try to be a good student in college anyway, cause I'm paying for my own college fees.
(I applied for a loan, and I'm supposed to freaking repay them every month when I'm working. So it's technically MY moolah. =( )
Shit, damn emo everytime I think about it. I get even more emo when I remind myself that I need to sleep damn early tonight or I'll oversleep tomorrow.
I'll come back and whine tomorrow. =P
*pops champagne* Here's to a new chapter of my life. :D Which, if all goes well, may be even better than the last. ;)
Friday, May 19, 2006 || Enter the bizarre world that is my Family.
- My mother has gotta be the MOST bizarre person on the planet.
*blinks* And to think I thought it was my dad.
My mother and I were talking about my guitar lessons and the conversation somehow evolved into a fight. (?!?)
Mum: "YOU ARE A QUITTER!"
Me: "Ermm, I don't need anybody to teach me how to play the C chord when I already KNOW it okay ..."
Mum: "PRIDE! You are PRIDEFUL! The bible says you MUST NOT BE PRIDEFUL and always have a humble heart!"
"What is the connect---"
"You NEVER listen to me. Oh God, what have I done to deserve this fate? Nobody listens to me. Both my daughters are my failures in life. Oh God ..."
".... Can you stop being such a drama queen? Aiya, it's --"
"AND NOW BOTH MY DAUGHTERS DON'T WANT ME POKING MY NOSE INTO THEIR BUSINESS. Me, as a mother, being labeled a drama queen!"
"I'm not here to digress, I'm here to progre---"
"The worst part is I've really tried my best. And I still failed as a mother. I pray to God that I won't go to hell for my mistakes."
"You've gotta be kidding me! What is the connection lah! Nobody's going to---"
"And there will come a day when the both of you will regret treating me this way. Me, your birth mother, nothing but a MAID. I do the housework, I cook, I do EVERYTHING and everybody treats me like a MAID. *whines*"
At this point, I almost pointed out that she only spends 1 hour on housework and watches wah lai toi for 7 hours everyday, but of course, I didn't. :p
DAMN wtf. I think she must've been PMSing. But she already had her menopause so that can't be it. =.=
Conversation continues, with my mother looking VERY emo and me looking very startled. Usually, at this point, I'd be crying already ... but no idea why I was so collected and calm. I think I was too shocked to react.
"Mummy, please calm down and let's have an intelligent conversation as adults, because --"
"ADULT! YOU! You made SO many mistakes in your life I can't even count them anymore! Oh God ...... if you'd listened to me and not gone into Science stream, you would've gotten straight As like you did in PMR ..... God ...."
"That's unfair okay. I didn't do that badly and my----"
"... And now I receive all the blame. ALL THE BLAME in the world. *tears up* Everybody blames me. Everybody hates me, after everything that I've done. I hope I die young and all of you people will rejoice..."
"O_o Err.............."
PLEASE people, tell me that your mothers are such drama queens as well, so that I don't feel so alone. -____-
Oh yeah, my dad was EXTREMELY impressed by Life college and the staff won him over (and the financial loan + pricings). So I guess that sealed it up. I'm almost regretting, but whaddaya know, I might actually have fun there.
Thursday, May 18, 2006 || My indecisiveness striking me where it hurts the most
- HELLO world!
I've been working for the past three days cause my EX boss called me up and said that on my last week's work, I left out something.
...... Something she didn't even instruct me to do. *coughs*
I REALLY didn't wanna do it cause I didn't think it was my fault, and I didn't feel like working the one last week before I enter the lovely hectic college world ....... but in the end, I felt kinda bad for her and spent three days "filling in where I supposedly left out".
That's MY weakness, ya'll. I freaking think from everybody's point of view all the time. That's why I try to be polite to telemarketers and shit ... cause I know that if I was the one working the job, I'd be pissed if everybody treated me like a disease.
But she'd better pay me. No way I'm gonna overlook cash, nuh uh. *innocent smile*
----------
Ok, I've been ranting on and on about my future college for so long now, and now let me tell you how indecisive I am.
First, I was really keen on UCSI, cause it's pretty affordable and I liked the helpful guidance counsellors. Then I realized Cheras is way too far and transport'd be a bitch.
Then, I was really keen on TAR, cause it's pretty affordable and
I ruled out Taylors, HELP and LKW (even though I was really keen on 'em) cause they're basically too expensive. Ah, woe is me.
Now, this sorta thing is VERY NEW to me. Cause I'm pretty impulsive and I make really quick decisions and just assume that everything's gonna be fine and merry.
But I'm definitely freaking out when it comes to picking the right college. I am an idiotic person, you know? If I end up in a college I totally hate ..... I'll just end up skipping classes again. O_o
So after majorly pondering it over, Suet Foong seemed to be doing pretty well in Life college (please don't tell me you've never heard of it. I know you've never.) ... and I thought, Hey, why not eh?
It's damn near and affordable as well.
But sweet news aside, the founders of the college are supposedly Christian, so I heard that about 80% of the students are Christian kids.
Despite being a Christian myself ... I have a pretty big phobia towards Christian communities. I always feel like I have to be on my best behavior around them. No swearing, no all-black "skimpy" clothes, no makeup .......
Which just isn't me. Haha.
In youth camp, I was on the best behaviour I could muster up, despite the occasional cursing and shit .......
And I came home to find two dipshits adding me in MSN and telling me that my friends and I were the "witches of the camp".
Which is why I was so paranoid about life college. I don't really wanna change myself just for the sake of adapting, yea?
And after skimming through my closet, and from what Suet Foong told me, I've realized that 60% of my clothes can't be worn. Skirts inclusive. Whoop-dee doo dah. o_O
I'm supposed to register tomorrow, and I'm still freaking out. I know, I should kill myself for being so indecisive. Why can't I make a decision and stick through it? =(
... Still, I can't seem to resist the challenge. Would I come out friendless and become the blacksheep of the college, a social reject that nobody wants to talk to because she uses 'fuck' everytime she's shocked?
Or would I come out unscathed and still the same old happy-go-lucky me?
I can't wait to find out. But yet, I AM still rather scared. =.=
Monday, May 15, 2006 || Why the hell do people change? =(
- Okay, times change, people change, right?
This is damn lame and boliao, since it's SO .... related to friendster.
I feel like refraining myself ... but I MUST blog about this! It's f*king life-altering ok!
Okay, back in 2003, when I was still growing out of my fugly stage, I had a massive uber humongous crush on this guy. I was totally so smittenedd by him that even throughout 2003-2004, I still thought about him all the time.
He was, like .... THE guy of my dreams. *shudders*
But anyway, it was one of those massive girly, kiddy crushes ... y'know, the whole 'adoring-from-afar' thing. Cause I never really got the nerve to hit on/flirt/seduce him. And I'm mighty glad I didn't, anyway.
So days go by and I totally lost touch with him.
THEN, out of the blue, I bumped into his friendster account.
Back then, I liked him cause he was:
- cute (hell yeah)
- spoke pretty good english
- rugged looking
-athletic
- .... good looking (so sue me, I'm sure everybody has liked someone out of their league before)
- amazing leadership skills, excellent. Me like.
..............
But NOW, three years later, he:
- wears makeup <----
- has shiny, sparkling, spiky hair
- ..... Lala
- WEARS MAKEUP!!! <---- still can't get over this. heh.
- still kinda cute ... but in a 'wooo lookit me, I'm a leng chai with cool hair' kinda way. Not the brooding, mysterious way already. =(
- obviously doesn't really speak english anymore
- .... a model. o_O
.......... I feel like smashing my brains into the toilet bowl. From a guy I was sorta crazy over, I've realized that he's in actuality the kinda guy I avoid all the time.
Shitlah I feel SO lame and pathetic now. Dumb crushes, begone!
I immediately called my friend up (who knew him too) and whined for a bit.
She said:
"Ah ... well, I guess he must've suddenly discovered that he's good-looking."
Life is utterly ironic.
Okok, three years ago *I* was a different person as well. Back then I was innocent, polite and nice. Just three years later, I'm insane, rude and .... still nice. :p Right?
Shucks. People change so much. Change terrifies me, because I'm so afraid of someday becoming somebody I'll actually despise. =(
Sunday, May 14, 2006 || A taste of paradise in Restoran Talipon.
Went for steamboat/bbq yesterday with Jaclyn + the gang. =D
It's been a looooong time since I pigged out this much. Really! Anyway, it's Rm18 whether you eat a lot or not, so obviously I ate like it was the end of the world.
Err ... let's just say this's a very bad pic of us. I look like the ghost from Shutter yo, with the flash and all. I'm posting this pic up cause CALLY ffk-ed us. *grr*
Anyway, Jaclyn, Ivy, Christine and I went to Restoran Talipon (er ...) at Jalan Kuchai Lama. It was only 18 bucks per person! Eat all you want!
Jaclyn and I totally morphed into pigs and grabbed everything supposedly "worth it" in sight. (THINK: Mutton! Crab! Prawns!) Unlike Chris and Ivy, who ate crab sticks and ham. =_=
Of course, since this is such an amazingly blissful food paradise (despite the not-so-nice environment), of course must camwhore a bit.
Erm ... this is Christine, taking a picture of me taking a picture of her. Heh.
Food:
*DROOL*
Gah. I swear I love food more than ... hot guys.
ANYWAY, we played I Never. You know the game, right? Everybody basically says something like "I've never cheated in an exam before" ... and people that have cheated have to drink a sip of alcohol. It's a damn good game to play to find out everybody's dirty secrets.
Of course, we traded beer for .... chinese tea. -_- Cause well, cheaper mah.
Jaclyn and I were damn gung-ho and tried to find out all the outrageous stuff. "I've never watched porn with a friend before...", "I've never walked out of my house naked before ...", "I've never *ahem*ed fantasizing about a friend before ...".
Chris and Ivy didn't really understand everything, while Jaclyn and I were freaking drinking to almost everything. Wtf. -_-
me: "I've never gotten thaaat far with a guy before ..."
chris: "Eh, I went quite far wor! My bro and I went to China!"
Jaclyn and me: "WTF!"
Haha, damn cute!
And in terms of narcissism, it's suddenly so obvious why Jac and I are best friends.
Me: "I've never felt totally UGLY before..."
Ivy: ... *drinks*
Chris: *drinks*
Me: *blinks* ...... *pokes Jaclyn* EI drink la stupid! The prettiest girl here also drink okay, we have to drink or else damn tak tau malu!
Jac: Okokok ... *drinks*
BUT the funniest moment of the day was ...
me: "I've never .... erm ... plucked my pussy hair before!" (DAMN wtf, what was I thinking??)
a friend *cough*: "Err ... what's pussy?"
Jaclyn: "Hahahaha your chee bye"
a friend: "Huh .... O_o I don't have wan wor."
Me: "*jaws drop* .......... OMGWTF AHAHAHA JACLYN, she's a man wei!!"
SO funny. We were all laughing till our asses hurt.
It's good to pig out with your best frends.
Of course, sometimes, you find out that they're not exactly what they seem to be. *wink*
Friday, May 12, 2006 || The tale of a prickface and my bloody ear.
- Short post today cause I'm damn tired and sleepy. And not in a majorly good mood, either. :(
Not gonna blog about how we spent Jac's birthday today, since I already gave her enough limelight yesterday.
... And my blog is about me. Me. Me. Me. Me. :P
When I was in my pasar malam today, I accidentally bumped into some dumbfuck indian dude.
The Asshole was all "pukimak naib pundek! *insert hindu cuss word*!" even after I apologized. Into my face!
FUCKERRRRRRRR. If I was a guy, I swear I would've punched him. I'm a girl half his size and already I felt like majorly slamming my fist into his face!
SO rude, right? I mean, it's one thing to be pissed about me accidentally bumping into you, but it's another to curse at me.
So never mind. Cally, Jaclyn and I walked off, and I thought it was all over, albeit still feeling rather pissed over being called a naib pundek.
Then I passed the indian dude again, and he was like "jumpa nanti! *smirk*".
'....... Okaaaay.', I thought.
Then on my way home, the asshole suddenly popped out. And asked stupid shit like "Kamu semua berkerja keh? Mau pergi disco? Jom, aku bawa!"
.......... Prickassdickfacecunt. If I was a guy, or a somewhat taller girl with a martial arts background, and he was alone, I'd freaking throw him into the drain.
DAMN geram okay. -___-
===========
Okay this is kinda disgusting, but last week I pierced my ear. And today, when I was trying to take off my earring, due to massive inexperience, I sorta twisted it and ended up hurting my ear.
It bled. And it was damn pain. ='(
I'm proud that I didn't cry though. I think it must've been partly because I was still pissed about the whole indian guy episode.
So I washed my bloody ear and waited an hour or so before putting in a tiny stick again.
... I realized that the hole was 70% closed up already. Wtf?
I felt gushes of terror that I'd have to pierce my ear again and go through the horror all over again ... Feeling an andrenaline rush, I kinda STUFFED the stick into what's left of the hole.
...... And the next I knew, I was hopping around my room yelping "OWW OWW OWWWCHH!".
Though I still didn't cry. Yahoo.
AND OH ... Chris Daughtry's out of American Idol? Like wtf?
Isn't AI supposed to be the talent show? I'm kinda amused how it's so ... crappy, compared to Rockstar: Inxs. Damn wtf.
Like hello. J.D Fortune VS Taylor Hicks. Or even Marty Casey VS Taylor Hicks. Sadlah, luckily I'm not in that country so I wouldn't be tempted to vote.
Thursday, May 11, 2006 || A very special post dedicated to a very moronic birthday girl.
- This is a very "special" post.
But before that, digress a bit first.
My mother caught me dozing naked today. Damn embarrassing or what!
I am so peabrained, I forgot to lock my room door. She freaked out, I freaked out. End of story.
Good going, Liz.
------------------
Today, the 11th of May, is my best friend Jaclyn's birthday!
Err .... *blows balloons and throws confetti into air*
I STILL remember the day we first met. I thought that you were such a snob for pretending to be uber pro at badminton, when in truth, you haven't even touched a badminton bat before that uneventful night.
We were and still are so different.
You were the noisy one. Still are.
You were the more cocky one. Still are.
I was the rebellious one. Still am. Though people seem to think that you are the "naughtier" one. :p
I remember how when we were kids, we'd hang out all the time, despite me living in Old Klang Road and you in Puchong. And we were so wild, we'd go around exploring everywhere with our ugly bicycles ... We even got somehow got lost and found ourselves in USJ before, remember?
I still, and will never be able to understand how we ended up in Subang. Two puny lil' 9 year old kids with not enough parental supervision. Yet we never got ourselves kidnapped and sold as slaves.
Then we grew up and became gangly teenagers. I was always kinda envious of you, since you were always so gutsy and talkative, while I was the more reserved and disturbed one. I always wanted to be like you.
Of course, I soon learnt that I could shine on my own as well. But not without your help ... by just being there for me through the toughest times of my life.
In fact, we're closer to each other than we are to our real blood sisters. Sometimes blood isn't everything eh?
Everybody has their dirty little secrets. But not you and I. Cause we know practically every dumb shit about each other. -_- We can even read each other's minds without trying, which freaks everybody out all the time!
You're the only person whom I rant about everything and everything to. Remember how we always hung out and ended up bitching about our schools, the education system and our families until 7 a.m in the morning? I don't do that with anyone else!
... Or all the times I was emo-ing over Ezra, and you started emo-ing over Timothy, and we'd end up reminiscing the whole night, as usual. =_=
You're the only person who agreed to do the bryan boy pose with me! (Granted, Christine and Ivy did it too, but let's ignore that for now.)
Perhaps there'll come a day when I'll finally somehow fulfill my dreams of seeing the world.
Perhaps there'll come a day when you'll become a pastor, end up marrying Timothy and have babies every year.
Perhaps there'll come a time when pigs do fly and we become anorexic.
Or maybe we'll someday end up robbing a bank and not sleeping in front of one.
BUT no matter what happens, I'm still forever grateful that at THIS point of my life, as of 11th may 2006, we're still best friends!
Not that many people can proclaim to have a true friend who knows you inside out. A friend one can truly say, surpasses the bonds of sisterhood itself. And I'm happy that even though life gets crappy at times, you're still my best friend!
I thank God everyday that I met you. And Pui yee. And the rest. (you guys know who you are)
I predict that ten years down the lane, I'll be an uber cool hippie, travelling the world with a backpack (yeah right) and you'll be a *cough* pastor ... and we'll still hang out at random mamaks bitching about our love lives. :D
Those fugly girls were best friends. And someday
*emo*
HAPPY BIRTHDAY JACLYN!!!!!
And of course, since we ALWAYS buy each other stupid, useless shit like condoms, tampons and weird glow-in-the-dark skeletons for each other's birthdays every year, it's time to stop wasting money.
That's why I didn't buy you a present this year.
OKAY OKAY I forgot.
Give her some love, people! ............ Cause I really do feel kinda guilty. Mwahaha!
Wednesday, May 10, 2006 || NO MORE. Finito.
- Woo, blogger is finally working again.
Ah... this is gonna be a weird post. But well, whatever.
So I went to collect my guitar today. Blablabla yada yada yada, nothing much happened.
One guy who was in the stall checking out guitars was kinda friendly, and I was talking to him about how I spent 200 bucks last month repairing my guitar, and how it now has a scar. (I. Sat. On. My. Guitar. Before. And. It. Broke. Shuddap. =( )
Anywaaaay, I checked out the guy and ah. He's cute.
Then I found out he's married. Yikes!
It's not even funny anymore. GRR! What lah why got people get married at 24 wan?
No no, it's not like I would've majorly hit on some dude I hardly know or whatever. I just found it kinda funny.
I've already given up on boys. Really. All the guys I like are taken/married/gay/overseas/hopelessly out of my league. :( And all the guys who I think I could get oh so easily are not my type.
So I came home and SMSed some friends:
"Dude, I need a FLY!"
... Which, only some people understood. :p
(Fly = clingy fling material guy in Liz's dictionary. Can't remember how it came about.)
Then I received a damn upsetting message from S.
"Heehee I found my fly edi. :) He's very nice and I like him a lot. :)"
(something like that la)
BAHAHAHA all you couples out there make me feel like throwing my tortoises at my mirror. All the friendster captions with "teeheehee my piggy boo boo and me in 1U ^_^" should be banned. All makeout pics with hearts photoshopped all over it should be destroyed.
GRRRRRRRROAR!!! *sharpens parang*
*grunt*
Anyway, in the evening I received a nervous phone call from some mutual dude friend who wanted to come to my house to borrow my LOST cds. I wasn't at home at the time, so cannot lah.
Then Jac-buntut was damn hyper on the phone.
"Ehh did A call you just now??"
me: "Yea why. He wanted to come borrow my LOST but I wasn't home so cannot ..."
"Hahahaha he really call ah! Don't worry la I doubt he'll dare to go wan.."
me: "Err ... I don't mind lah actually, as long as I'm at home then can lo ..."
"No lah. I think he thinks that you're gonna pin him down and rape him when he's there. So like, I don't think he'll dare to go lah ..."
me: "OMG geliii la fucker"
(SORRY but I have a very vivid imagination. Everytime somebody says something to me, I tend to imagine them out in my brain. So please think twice when you send me *hugglesss* and *muakzz* online. :p )
So erm. If that's the kinda impression I'm actually giving out to random guys, it's no wonder why my blog is becoming some kinda freaky Malaysian 18-year-old-chick version of Bridget Jones' Diary.
Now, where's my fly?
PS. I feel like getting a tattoo. But I was thinking, if I ever live to 60 and suddenly find myself with a tattoo on my ass or wherever, I'd feel damn stupid. -_-
Tuesday, May 09, 2006 || I met Jesus today
- Today, I came online and found that some dude added me in MSN.
Jesus scored 188 goals! says:
hi there can be friend
Liz the geek says:
erm. Who's this?
Jesus scored 188 goals! says:
my name is alvin or jesus
Ah ..... Right. Trying to get over my initial 'WTF' reaction, we chatted a bit and I found that the dude wasn't that bad, and knows a friend of mine as well.
See people, Jesus is nice.
Then an hour later my phone beeped, and I received this:
WOWOWOW .... LOOK MA, JESUS SMSED ME! :D
..........
Welcome to lala land, people.
Monday, May 08, 2006 || Satiated, bloated and satisfied. =)
- I'm feeling quite happy now cause ...
My contact lens that tore into half is replaced.
W00000tness! Damn happy.
I felt kinda bad for making excuses and looking so pathetic to the optician ... but whatever. I accomplished what I set out to do. Nyeh heh heh!
And dad finally got his Astro fixed, though it costs a whooping Rm160. Smirk.
--------
... I went for lunch with my friends and just realized that the set lunches at Secret Recipe are SO MUCH more worth it than ordering food separately. I love their lasagna. I love cheese. I love their chocolate banana cake. =(
I've realized that all my favourite food = fattening.
My favourite food: Cheese baked rice
Favourite drink: Coke
Favourite dessert: Ice cream
Favourite *cough* appetizers: French fries (counted ah?)
Favourite random junk: Mr Potato
.... I am destined to never be thin. But at least despite all the fatty junk I consume, I'm still not obsese! .......... yet.
I mean, just look at 'em!
(pics of food uploaded to taunt everybody.)
Absolutely mouth-watering, right?
I know people look better when they're ... not fat. And thin. But you know, GOOD FOOD IS PLEASURABLE OKAY. How could you give up all the yummy delicious food for the sake of beauty?!
Ok, don't answer that question. Haha.
Now, my favourite baby of all babies. (err?)
One of the biggest source of cuteness and joy in my life.
I'm feeling deeply satisfied and contented with life today. It must be one of those days that I'm loving life, my friends and myself so much.
I wouldn't do a thing to change anything.
Except maybe ask for more money. And the ability to eat like an elephant and be as thin as Suet Foong. Then, life'd be perfecto. :D
I HATE GIRLS WHO EAT MORE THAN ME (though hardly anybody eats more than me. Mwahaha!) AND STILL STAY SKINNY. *GROWL*
Sunday, May 07, 2006 || My Astro-ic misery
- Today (or rather, yesterday) is a bad day.
A bad bad day.
As if this wasn't enough.
I went out to buy a contact lens for my poor, short-sighted right eye (my left eye is normal. Yay!)
And I came home, tried the contact lenses, and when I took them out ....
I don't know why, but now there is a f*cking hole in the middle of the tiny, transparent contact lens.
WHICH MEANS I WASTED MY MONEY. NOTHING, absolutely nothing in the world annoys me more than knowing I wasted my own money. Great, now everybody knows my weakness and everybody can steal my money to make me cry.
I swear I feel like crying. I really, really feel like crying cuz it isn't even cheap to begin with.
*damn emo*
Then I made the mistake of watching I Not Stupid 2. My expectations weren't high, but I ended up crying at least 3 times during the show.
(maybe partly because I'm already so emo lah)
I'm very very impressed by that show since it kinda blew me away. ='( Watch it, people! And the kung-fu kid, Joshua Ang, is so cute!
useless pic of me uploaded coz seeing myself makes me happier. Er.
... And I was being such an asshole all night cause my dad was DAMN pissed over Astro being spoilt, and not being efficient enough to send someone over even though he has been complaining since Wednesday.
Dad: "@!#!@! I CAN'T believe they're being so damn irresponsible. I called them three times today and three times also they said they're going to call me back. SEE UNTIL NOW, STILL NOBODY CALL!"
Me: "Yalah! Tsk tsk ... bad service lah. You go read all their advertisements they always claim to have good customer service one!"
Dad: "Damn it! How can I be paying more than 100 bucks every month and now there's not even anything to watch!"
Me: "Yeah man. Must complain wan lor this kinda things. For all you know later they next Friday only come and fix it!"
Dad: ".... You make a good point! I go call them again!"
And after I added so much oil to his burning fire, he finally called Astro like, five times today. Each of his phone calls pissed him off even more, since the customer service people were so dumb. AHAHA!
*hehehe* I was kinda cheered up watching my dad so annoyed. I mean, c'mon, at least someone to share my misery with.
.... And even though Astro is being a bitch, when there's no Astro in my house, all my dad's energy is focused on regaining his precious TV programs, and less energy is devoted to annoying me and calling me fat. :p
Too bad, daddy. For me, it's a win-win situation. LOL
Eh can you believe it? I'm actually reconsidering to return to the optical shop tomorrow and complaining that the contact lens was spoilt when I opened it, and it isn't my fault. To see if I can manage to talk them into replacing my hole-y one.
But is that cheating? =.=
- I AM IN A STATE OF UTTER ANGER
Ok, so I read my "future" college's website and they said they're having an open day TODAY, 6th of MAY, SATURDAY, from 11 a.m until 4 p.m. In their WEBSITE okay.
....... I went there at 2, and THERE WAS NOBODY THERE. NADA. ZILCH people. Except an indian cleaning lady.
ANGRYYY.... Look, I took damn long and damn hard to beg my dad to bring me there ok. I had to practically drag his retired and very free ass out of bed.
And when we reached there ..... NOBODY. KNNCBMCH!
Wtf. I cancelled all my plans and MI3 just to go to that open day ok. My dad was so annoyed at me, cause he thought that it was my fault.
"Eh you stupid lah, simply listen to people who give you wrong information"
me: "IT'S IN THEIR WEBSITE! THEIR OFFICIAL WEBSITE!"
... And we ended up bickering over who's dumber all the way back home. wtf.
I AM IRRITATED + ANNOYED + ANGRY AT SELF.
Aiya, I don't wanna go to that college lah. Compared to places like HELP, Taylors and even UCSI's campuses ... Err.
But then again this college is damn near. And damn affordable. Taylors and LKW is too expensive and HELP/UCSI is too far. Wtf.
How!!! Eesh.
Saturday, May 06, 2006 || Two sides to a story
- Sometimes I wonder why do I read random personal blogs so much.
1) I don't even know the person behind the blog
2) everytime I read a personal blog, I always go "Oh okay he's name's Gary ... oh. Which one is him in the pic? ... Wah cool they all ate pizza."
It must mean that I am super ultra omega lifeless. Which is why nobody reads my blog. Har har mua har har.
I used to wonder why so many big-name bloggers always proclaimed that their blog persona is the total opposite of how they're like in real life.
Now I think I'm beginning to ... relate.
I mean, there ARE many things I say here that I probably wouldn't say in real life. Like ...........
.................... Alright, there isn't anything I can think of. Haha!
Like how I feel like hiring some hunky guy to just let me sleep in his arms for 10 minutes since I'm feeling so stressed now.
Or how pathetic I've been feeling for the past week, since I had nothing to do and was actually HAPPY to work.
(this isn't something I'd brag about if I was with my friends. Damn lame can.)
So I was blog-hopping and I came across a blog, which belonged to a girl I kinda know. A girl who I happen to think is a first class bitch.
... And I felt SO weird to find myself agreeing with her posts. Or worse, actually enjoying them.
It's like I'm suddenly seeing her as a totally different person. A nice girl. Which I KNOW SHE'S NOT, from everything I've seen about her in real life.
So fine lah, for all I know, girls who hate me (though I pray there aren't any) may be reading my blog and seeing me as a totally new person. Right.
Just in case, I just wanna let everybody know that I am a very delicate, fragile and sensitive soul ... and by reading my blog, you'd have a privilege of seeing that side of me. The side I barely expose to the rest of the world. :-) Liz loves you all mUaKZZz!
( .... I feel like stuffing my face in the toilet bowl, after having said that. :p )
At least I don't pretend to be 100% somebody I'm not. Right? Like how I won't act damn noble and hypocritical and proclaim that I'm working for experience.
Wtf. I don't get people who say that. Working as a cashier banyak experience, is it?
I'll come clean and admit that I'M WORKING FOR THE CASH. THE MOOLAH!!!!!!!!!!111
Right now I'm working only cause ... well, since I have nothing else to do, I might as well earn some cash. Bad timing like hell though, since it's the weekend and all my friends are free already.
WTFWTFWTFBAHAHAHAWHYAMINOTBORNRICHWTFWTFWTF
People, please work hard and earn more moolah so that your next generation won't have to suffer so much k.
OH can you believe it? It's 2.09 a.m and I'm STILL working! I'm such a fuxxing good employee huh? The company'd better pay me the right amount of moolah or I'll ....... No idea.
(actually the only reason I'm working my ass off is cause I wanna finish the spreadsheets by today so I can go yumcha tomorrow. *evil laughter*)
Life is EvER LoVeLy wiTh mY dARLiN MonEY
Liz
AHAHAHAHAHHAHA shit man. I read too much C&K. -_-
EDIT: (4.12 a.m) I finished work at 4 a.m! SAY w0000t, people!
Friday, May 05, 2006 || I don't ONLY talk to boys
- No loser stories today!
Picture has absolutely nothing to do with post. Uploaded just for the sake of "flaunting" my humility.
EH no makeup and photoshop okay.
I swear this is the fakest picture of me. Ever. =_=
Err ...my lanci face. Sick of my face yet?
... Okay, don't answer that question.
Irritating shit of the day: (when I was doing my work somemore!)
Uh hello. People who abuse emoticons blind me, and make me feel damned stupid for not being able to decipher 80% of what they're trying to say.
-----
Anyway, I think it's common knowledge around just about everyone that I'm not the most friendly person on earth.
I mean, when I'm in a good mood, I'm damn hyper and talkative lah but whenever I'm in a so-so mood ... I prefer listening to other people crap, only cause I'm such a big fat lazy ass I can't be bothered to socialize. :p
So I was talking to my friend about how I think I'll have trouble totally fitting in, in college ... since the college is ... err, never mind.
"Haiya don't worry la ... just don't try to be funny and do what you usually do lor."
Me: "What do I usually do?"
"You only talk to all the guys, and never talk to the girls ... bad strategy lor. Since you know right, all your best friends are mostly girls, so you shouldn't leave those college girls alone lor later they think you damn bitchy."
Me: (!!!) "Woi I never only talk to guys okay! Where got? If anything, I think the most also I never talk to anybody wat ..."
"Erm... Remember X Y Z? Remember the Christmas day thing? And last year's camp you only talked to the japanese guys okay, did you go and talk to the jap girls??"
Me: "Err ... good point."
The weirdest thing is, two weeks ago Christine was telling me the same thing when I slept over at her place. =_=
But ... I find girls that I'm not familiar with damn hard to talk to. Like, WHAT is there to crap about, anyway? With a guy I could come up with something stupid like:
"HEYYY I think you look damn familiar ... KDU student, right?"
.... And I could still get away with it.
-_- But with new girls, I really find it harder to click with them yo. If a strange girl came up to me and act all buddy buddy, I'd find it a LOT weirder ... And I wouldn't know how to respond.
Which is why I often feel damn weirded out whenever some girl I don't recognize waves at me or something.
....... Fine, from now on, I'll make sure that I'm super muka tebal and only chat with chicks!
------------
My EX boss called me up today and asked if I wanted to work for two days.
YES!!!!!!!!!!!!111, I answered. I almost said "DUH!!!", but that would've been highly inappropriate.
FINALLY, moolah for my time. =)))))))
And oh, I had my first FREE guitar lesson today. (I'm stressing on the FREE cause I'm only going for the class ... cause it's free. Heh.)
... ... It was boring. Humility, Liz. Humility.
I'm like, a total beginner ... but seriously, the dude who was teaching was all, "So what's the first string called? ^_^"
4 other dudes: ???
me: "...... E?"
teacher: Okay, what's the second string?
me: "......A?"
Teacher: "Okay, what's the 3rd string? ^_^"
... which then I pretended to shut up, just so I don't look like an arrogant bitch and make the other guys hate me for life. But seriously lah, it was such a waste of 1 hour, learning the stuff everybody's supposed to know the first day they get their guitar.
What was stupider was me going to the pasar malam immediately after the lesson. Which means, I had my guitar strapped around my shoulder ... Damn poser, can? I heard SO many funny remarks (from mostly lala chais, ergh).
----------
I've learnt that loss is such a cool thing. =)
You wouldn't know what it feels like to have something until you have it ... and when you lose it, you feel the pain cause you can't bear the idea of not having it anymore.
Like, a boyfriend. If you've never been in love before, you wouldn't fuss about being permanently single as much as another girl who has been in a relationship before.
I came home to find my dad moping on the sofa and my mum sprawled on the floor, Fifi sleeping beside her. There was such a distinct sense of loss and tension in the air, that for a fleeting moment, I REALLY thought my grandmother passed away, or something.
"What happened?", I asked.
"............ Our Astro spoilt.", my dad woefully answered.
Swt.
Thursday, May 04, 2006 || Walking in Broken Shoes
- I'm bored, thus just wrote this for fun. I don't think I portrayed a supposed loser that well, but oh well. =/
I can't freaking wait for college to start. Noooooo that sounds WRONG coming from me!
Ok, that's how bored I really am. =.=
-------------------------
Walking in Broken Shoes
I hesitantly stepped out of my mother's car, feeling the same overwhelming feeling of dread I've grown accustomed to. The same foreboding feeling of fear and loss that I still, and will always, despise.
I wish I was impervious to fear.
"Have a nice day, sweetie!", mother cheerfully said before driving away. She didn't seem to notice that I hadn't wished her back in return.
I shrugged, lowered my eyes and slowly strolled towards the awfully tall, red building. Mother says I walk like an old man, which is probably true considering how I seem to perpetually slouch, my gaze permanently fixed on the ground.
As if my tattered blue nike shoes were the most fascinating thing on earth. As if.
Of course, mother doesn't understand.
"It's easier that way," I told her, whenever she gave me a lecture on my supposedly 'horrid' posture.
"What's easier? What? You're telling me it's easier to go traipsing around like a bloody hunchbag instead of a well-bred fine lady?", she huffed, with a look of exasperation plastered on her wrinkle-free, botox-filled face.
No, she definitely wouldn't understand.
She wouldn't understand how much I've grown to fear eye-contact with my peers, how much I've grown to loathe my school mates. That I was sick of seeing ridicule, or even worse, pity in their mocking eyes.
I looked up and swept my gaze over a tanned, good-looking boy flirting with an equally flawless girl and I smirked to myself. Doesn't anyone else see that all the pointless coquetry was merely a selfish game of cat and mouse? A game whose players had to be one of them.
I finally reached my locker and I couldn't help but scrutinize my reflection before opening its metal doors. I was an unusually tall girl, with small, slanted eyes and two permanently puffy cheeks. A face that was neither pretty nor mortifyingly hideous stared back at me.
Of course, it didn't help that I was twenty pounds overweight. But I've recently developed a habit of throwing up immediately after I consumed food ... A habit that was born of guilt and desperation, yet I've learnt that it's not only a habit anymore; it's a need. Yes, I would be thin soon. I must.
"Hey chubs (a nickname my chubby, too-fat cheeks graciously earned me), checking yourself out huh? I didn't know big girls like you were vain!", Linda Chew exclaimed, popping up behind me with a too-fake grin on her face.
I blushed and muttered 'good morning' before quietly moving away from my obtrusively loud locker partner.
It was the easiest way out. Always easier to walk away than to stand up for myself, to demand an apology for being rude.
If there is a god, I sure wish that he gave me more courage, then I'd be less diffident. If there really is a god, maybe someday a miracle'd occur and I'll be saved.
Saved from the tragedy I now know as my Life.
I aimlessly walked into my classroom, only to find my pretty lab partner, Serena, waiting for me. She left immediately after obtaining my precious assignment, the one she failed to complete.
Finally all alone, I watched Serena chatting gaily with her flock of friends. All of them looked so carefree, so happy...
I felt robbed. I don't even remember what it feels like to be happy and cheerful anymore. All my innocent optimism was robbed of me; I was shunned and alone.
Never a nice word to the obese geek. Never would there be a guy who'd see through my tough exterior and only see me for me. Never a person who'd befriend the weird, quiet loser ... the token freak of the year.
What sheer rapture it would be to feel accepted? How ecstactic would it feel to have friends?
Because I do not know.
I do know this: I hate them all.
***
Finally, school was over and I came home to find my house in utter chaos.
Mother and Father were screaming at each other again. Mother was crying and blaming dad for destroying her life, and dad was accusing her of the same thing. Both of them were also fighting over the custody of me, though I doubted that neither of them wanted me that badly.
I hate them all.
I ran up to my bathroom, ignoring their screams and I finally cried. Crying for the family I never knew, the friends I never had, and mostly, crying for the little girl in me that longed to be noticed and loved.
Choking, I gazed into the mirror and a bloated, tear-stained face with hollow, bloodshot eyes stared back at me. A stranger's face.
A face I did not recognise; a face I would never want to recognize.
Suddenly the Easiest Way Out seemed to clear to me. The pathway to my destiny softly calling out to me, it's enticing voice embracing me ...
As I succumbed.
For the first time in my life, I felt sheer glee and delight. For soon, my curiousity will be fulfilled, and finally, a tragedy will come to an end.
***
Mr and Mrs Lim insisted they 'never saw it coming'. Crying, Mrs Lim continuously repeated what a 'sweet tempered and obedient girl' her daughter was.
Teary-eyed, two of her closest friends at school, Serena Lee and Linda Chew described her as a 'good natured, gentle girl whom they could joke with'. They both claimed that while they had always sensed an underlying sadness in their friend, she had always merely seemed to be a passive, hard-working top scorer.
All of them were shaken and confused at the cryptic and enigmatic note she left behind.
'Once, I thought that the world would be beautiful if all of us knew how to walk the earth in each other's shoes.
Suddenly, I've come to realize that I've already forgotten what it feels like to walk in my own.'
The End
: I left the main char nameless, cause it could be just about anyone. :
