Thursday, December 28, 2006 || A tribute to 2006
- OMG am super emo at the moment. Did you guys realize that 2006 is practically OVER?!
- Went to Singapore in the beginning of the year. Ended up camwhoring in my aunt's big spooky old house. =/
- Went to Frasers Hill in March with some friends. It was fun! :D
- Dyed my hair red. Back when I had bloody long hair.
- Still good friends with those that matter. =D At least we kept in touch yo!
- Enrolled in college. College life can be somewhat hectic and unpredictable, but so far, I'm liking it. :D
I love my new college friends too!
- Discovered BOOZE. O__o I wanna post up pictures of my friends and I, with booze, but a huge sense of guilt and wtf-ness is coming over me. Mwahaha!
- Went to camp in Pahang during August. And it was a really good experience really, kind of memorable and it was super fun to get to know my college friends more. Heh heh.
fun in the sun yo! 
My so-called group O.o - Went to Camerons with Jaclyn and my family in September.
For the first time ever, I puked from drinking too much vodka. O.o
- Still best friends with Jaclyn.
Ohmygosh I can't believe Jaclyn's going to NS in TERENGGANU and will be away for three months. =(((( Our lives are SO connected, it's hard to picture a week without her lame commentaries on everything ... =/
I mean, who is gonna listen to me emo in the middle of the night? Who is gonna be there to offer me dumb advice whenever I'm in deep shit? =(
And I'll be going to Singapore, which means that the last time I hung out with her is ... today. By the time I come back, she'll be in Terengganu. WTF! I can't even go for her farewell party! =(((
Ok I am officially best friend-less for three months. Who wants to have a temporary go at being my best friend? :D Send me emails with your details. Wtf x 1000 - I created a wishlist. =)
- I'm happy that I blog, cause I get to keep funny convos. :D
- Was in lust three times this year. Okay okay, I shall not bullshit to anyone, myself especially, that I was ever in LOVE. Despite how emo and supposedly heart-broken I got.
First guy was some freaky religious dude I met last year who was convinced he wasn't gonna start dating 'till he was 21. Second and third, I met about the same time ... Second one was hot. Period. Third one I liked for his wit, though things ended up pretty badly.
I wish I could post up pics but I once vowed to never post pics of myself and guys that I'm not STEADILY dating in my blog. Bagi saspens sikit kan?!
Anyway not everyone knows who they are. And not planning to reveal their cute faces to busybodies. (wtf hahahahaha) - Received my very first uber kiss in the middle of this year! :D
And no, it wasn't with myself ... LOL. Cause I obviously didn't take a picture of my real first kiss. For obvious reasons.
I remember bullshitting and bragging to some friends back when I was 15 that I wasn't gonna let anybody kiss me until I'm 18, to signify my er ... journey into adulthood. At least now I have bragging rights, since I did somehow accomplish that. LOL
And I guess first times are DAMN important. Cause after my treasured first one was gone, I seem to take kisses a lot less seriously than I used to already. I mean, my second kiss was less than two months after that! When it took me 18 years to get to the first one ... =/
I wish that I gave it to like, my first love or first steady boyfriend, but oh well ......
Regret regret. =( - Bought my first ever uber condom! ......
....... For Jaclyn's Christmas present. =P
I told her that she should keep condoms in her bag, so that JUST IN CASE anything happens and she gets raped at clubs or something, at least she has protection! LOL
I know, I'm evil.
Ohmygosh I'm not ready for a new year! T_T Okay I know I'm overreacting, but I just feel like I'm not ready to say goodbye to 2006. =(
So I was trying to remember all the good stuff (and bad) that happened throughout the year just now. Then it hit me - what better way to *remember* it than to read my blog? :D I spent an hour reading all my 2006 posts and emo-ing at some of the pictures I posted.
This is gonna be a looong picture post.
Highlights of 2006:
**** at this point of writing this post, I'm extremely pissed 'cause StreamyX is severely screwed up today. However, I shall not give up! Wtf!*****
(But thank God THANK GOD I didn't pick up smoking as a habit.)
I'm happy that I got two out of the four! And I don't really mind that I didn't get the first one, 'cause I got better. =)
(Er ... sort of.)
Still don't have a TV, though.
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Sigh sigh ... super emo as I'm typing out this post now. And the internet connection is majorly screwed ... something about an earthquake in Taiwan affecting the world line? O.o
And because I'm having a freaking hard time posting up pictures, I guess I'll end here. =(( Cause I haven't even started packing for Singapore yet!
Yup, that's how "excited" I am about going.
Anyway, you guys have a GREAT new year's eve yeah! I will be spending it in Singapore, though I really truly would rather much spend it at home.
Labels: pictures
Monday, December 25, 2006 || Lalala hohoho hum hum boring post you can ignore
- Okay, while I'm typing this, I'm half-drunk (sorta) and somewhat kind of tipsy. Hopefully I can still form coherent sentences though. There's no point in going to sleep now while I'm still giddy and shit, 'cause I'd end up tossing and turning anyway. -_-
So I just came home from Bangsar. Not sure what was the place we went but I think it was called BarFlame. (Pyramid's Flame is better!)
Last time in col, John was bugging the rest of us to go to Bangsar, but since today is only like the second time I've clubbed there, our theory was right: it is definitely macha land. O.o Not being racist ah! It's just funny that in the whole club/bar, my friends and I were like the only chinese, I think. o_O
Christmas eve's countdown was pretty cool. I know I said I'm gonna stay away from the 'Dark Side' of life, but the whole point in me saying that was 'cause I didn't wanna end up being groped by strangers, or worse - making out with strangers. And also, I didn't wanna get hooked on cigs. Drinking is still quite okay in my books - it's what the alcohol makes you do that's scary.
Sooooo ... I was practically the first dood who started dancing, and after that everybody joined in! Since I said I didn't wanna get groped, I ended up dancing with like, 5 different hot chicks. WTF?
I exchanged names with two of them and talked a bit, but I can't remember the names now. LOLZ. All I know is that two of them are like Iban and Kadazan. Or something like that. Damn hot ah.
Actually, I think that my friend's theory might be right. If I force myself to stay away from guys too much, I might (un)naturally turn to girls instead. WTFx1000
When I was dancing, some dude tried to dance with me and I think he was gonna start coming really close and end up making out with me or something.
(Some of my friends were already doing that ... well. Wtf.)
I sort of shoved him away, and trust me, my shove is pretty strong for a girl's (LOL), before sneering "fuckerrrr". Aiyo just because I'm quite tipsy doesn't mean I'm wearing a sign that says "Come grab me I'm so sexy" okay. And if it's a hot guy also not that pissed off, but this dude face like pukimak wanna touch me ah. Damn tulan sial.
(I just realized that my language is a bit problematic - but nvm lah)
Anyway, I've decided to not stress out about things too much anymore. I know that it may sound kinda hypocritical, since I was bitching about worrying about my friends so much in the last few posts .... but I've realized that I can't help them make their decisions in life. I mean ... if people wanna smoke, sleep around, or even do drugs or whatever, what can *I* do, except offer them advice and help when they need it? O.o
My main priority ought to be protecting myself from all those stuff first. I know I'm capable of taking care of myself, but seriously, who am *I* to be a so-called saint anyway. I'm not even remotely religious or a stereotypical 'good' girl. =.=
Okok all I'm saying is - I will never sleep around, do drugs, or pick up smoking as a habit and addiction. But TOUCH WOOD if I ever do - I'll definitely write about it in my blog. Sometimes I worry that I write almost everything here, even shit that wouldn't benefit me if I revealed it to the world and my friends ..... but honestly, would YOU really judge me?
I mean, I highly doubt that any of my friends would waste their time reading my blog, shaking their heads, and start bitching about how screwed up I am to everyone else. =/ Nobody is that evil, riiiight? :D
And I'm a nice girl at heart. honestly. I'm just ... a bit confused, at times. Well hey, at least I admit it. O_O
Mannnn ... I'm kinda worried about my friend right now, who was totally OUT of it when I came home. I hope nothing happens. Brrr
Labels: personal
- *quick post before I rush out*
It's really weird. I can't quite fathom it, but it just doesn't feel like Christmas this year. I don't know why. I just don't *feel* the mood, the bliss, or the joy that I usually feel when it's nearing the 25th of December.
Then I remembered - isn't Christmas all about giving? Damn. My stupid kiamsapness got into the way of things this year, and I didn't buy anybody presents. I mean ... I AM broke, but what excuse is that, when I was planning to go out clubbing or something? =/
So I rushed out of the house. And bought (hopefully) everybody presents. Not expensive ones, but I hope that they'll do.
I dunno ... maybe I'm just hoping that giving my friends presents tomorrow will make Christmas feel like it again - a season of love and giving?
Ohhhh well ... Merry Christmas again! Muakz! Sorry if you're my friend and I didn't get you a present yet. I'll make it up to you a thousandfold next year! :D
Labels: Miscellaneous
Saturday, December 23, 2006 || Lists - sometimes a necessity
- Things I secretly am dying to do (which aren't so secret anymore)... which, probably won't happen anytime soon, if ever:
- Fulfill my life-long dream: skinny dipping
Which will not happen anytime soon, considering the lack of venues. Me wantsssssss! - Eat a whole tub of Baskin Robbin's cookies and cream ice cream in one night
... Considering the lack of moolah $_$ and my already escalating weight, this ain't gonna happen either. - A hot guy to climb down my chimney on Christmas ... who wants Santa, hello?
Since the chimney and Santa are nonexistent, much less ...... *sighhh* - Grab someone and give him the kiss of his life under the mistletoe
Hey hey, nobody's supposed to deny a kiss UNDER THE MISTLETOE, RIGHT? :D Win-win situation!
Of course, if the dude (or chick, I'm pretty open. LOL JK) pushes me away, it must mean that I'm practically ugly and undesirable to the max. Or that I'm the worst kisser on earth. OMG can't take the risk ...... *shudder*
Man, I can't believe it's Christmas already! And to think I haven't even finished my Christmas shopping yet.
Okay okay, here's what I REALLY want for Christmas:
1) Exam results that are better that what I'm expecting. If I have this, I'll be a good girl. I swear.
2) Him him him him him. Not gonna say who, but I almost can see the wheels turning in my friends heads when they read this ... *sunny grin*
3) A bicycle? Wtf.
4) Hugs! Now you guys know what to get me. :D I love/dig/need/crave/want hugs. Unless you have B.O. LOL
5) I was gonna buy myself a domain for Christmas, but I decided that I'm too lazy and should just stick to blogger. Hohoho. But it's still on my wishlist. =D Coz I'm pretty satisfied at the moment. Don't think I have anything else in mind that I really want. O.o
Mum if you're reading this you might as well buy me a bicycle or a domain. *fake hopeful puppy-dog eyes*
Okay gotta go sleep! Not sure if I'll blog tomorrow or Christmas eve, so a VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS to everyone in advance! :D
Have yourself a very berry merry Christmas. May you all have a lovely night full of love and warm kisses under mistletoes. Since I doubt I'll be getting the kisses, you all can tell me about yours. =( Share the joy yo!
Labels: Miscellaneous
Thursday, December 21, 2006 || Innocent no more
- Hello world.
I've finally managed to drag my lazy ass in front of my computer to blog. Nobody will believe this, since I was practically lifeless, but I've been actually kinda busy lately. Seriously amazing. Though the way I've been spending lately, the last of my savings are gonna be gone soon, and I'll be back to being Desperately-Miserably-Stuck-At-Home.
On Monday, when we were staying at her place, Cally gave us french manicures. :D For free! Totally nice of her for giving me my first ever manicure. I mean, manicures were never really my thing, since I'm always so clumsy and banging my hands on everything anyway ......
And the end result was cool:
I know, I know ... it's very lady-like and not very "ME", but I like it. =D
I'm highly aware that I look really dumb(in a bad way)... but don't look at my face! The nails. :D
Anyway, Tuesday was Ivy's birthday, and Chris, Jac, and I spent it with her at Souled out.
Since I'm such a broke and am very stingy at the moment, I found the food there a little bit pricey. But oh OH, one of the waiters is CUTE. The one who helped us take this pic ... Nyeh heh heh.
Happy (belated) birthday Ivy! :D I could write a thousand words to describe what a sweet person you are, but words wouldn't come close. =)
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I'm feeling rather confused and lost at the moment. It's something that I don't think I could blog about, cause it kind of involves someone I'm really close to. And I don't know how to put it into words without revealing who that person is.
Sometimes I wonder if everyone was pre-destined to be somebody. Is a so-called bad person destined to be "bad" from the moment he was born? I know that we all make our beds and we lie in it ... but seriously, sometimes I think that I don't know who I am. Or who I'm supposed to be. It's a very weird and complicated feeling.
I mean, I'm trying really hard to be the girl that I think that I'm supposed to be ... you know, a girl that doesn't sleep around, a girl that gets along somewhat decently with her family, a girl who's loyal to her friends.
But sometimes, I feel like it's sapping out the energy out of me ... And everytime I'm with friends who do stuff that I don't do, or stuff that I'm trying to stop doing, like smoking, drinking, or making out with strangers at clubs and shit ... I feel kind of alienated. Like I'm supposed to choose between them or being good ... because it's really very hard to stay away from those shit when someone you're super close to is falling deeper into it.
I know that I'm not supposed to be judgemental and should just be there for my friends, but I'm just so scared of detesting myself again. I mean, I don't really wanna be a smoker, a drinker, nor do I want to be a slut. Not now, anyway.
So what do I do? Take the easier turn by walking away from them, or continue being there, listening to them talk about pleasures I'm trying to stay away from, while playing the tiresome role of helping them to pick up ther own shit when they get into trouble, only to watch them make the same mistakes again anyway? O_o
It's all very confusing. Now I guess this is a vague taste of adulthood, for gone are the days when mamaks and ice cream were sufficient. =(
I got this picture from Christine yesterday. It was taken two years ago, when a bunch of us went cycling in Putrajaya or something ...
I cringed when I saw the very er .... unladylike and unflattering old picture.
But for some weird reason, if I'm trying to find who I really am, I actually think that this picture "defines" me the best. Wtf O_o
Tuesday, December 19, 2006 || Love thy friends
- I stayed at Cally's place, and the "escape" from my house and usual routine was all I needed to feel extremely satisfied and happy again. :D
Honestly, I love my best friends! What would one do without best friends in life?? I'd seriously be ...... nobody without my friends. *emo* Love you guys, all of my friends. *sniff sniff*
Friends are so important. I'm happy that most of my friends (that matter) and I are still really close, despite some of us having boyfriends or girlfriends. I mean ... it's really weird, but sometimes, I feel like some of my friends would toss their friends aside for the sake of their boyfriends. I don't get it either ... don't you need both?
(Actually, at the moment I only have friends and no boyfriend, but I'm surviving! O.o)
Ah well ... my point is, life would be so dreary and meaningless without friends to share your tears and laughter with. =) Though I find it weird that I'm pretty bad at warming up to new people ... O_o
Ok, gonna post up a proper post later. Hopefully with pictures and all. :D Gotta sleep, man ...
Saturday, December 16, 2006 || KILL ME
- *edited*
I AM SO BORED!!!
Today was undeniable the worst day of my life, 'cause I officially spent the day doing nothing. Seriously, being bored is such a horrible feeling. =(
Being bored and dead broke, is an even more awful feeling. =(((( Cause without money, I can't even go out. Oh my God!
I was so bored, I spent the whole afternoon watching some emo korean movie (the Classic) on PeekVid and ended up wiping my tears in front of my comp.
I was so bored, I tried to do 30 sit ups and push ups. I could only do it on a mat and not on the floor, wtf. Now my ass bone hurts. If my ass even has a bone. Blah ...
I was so bored, if somebody I detested asked me to kiss him, I'd freaking jump up and scream "WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN!!!".
I was so bored, I spent an hour of my life sitting on my balcony and staring at all my mum's plants.
I was so bored, I spent the next half an hour playing my guitar and singing mournful emo songs that I barely know the chords to. Wtf. My neighbours must be having nightmares now ......
...... This is bad. o_O'' And next week's Christmas ... I don't even have money to go Christmas shopping. =( My parents don't even wanna give me my monthly allowance, since December is supposedly a holiday.
Wtf is the logic in that! I don't have college means I don't have to eat and socialize issit?!
Please excuse me while I stab myself. =.=
------ EDIT -------
Okay while I'm at it I might as well complain about other stuff. I just realized that I made the biggest mistake of my whole 2006 by cutting off my hair last month.
Stupid lah. I cut it off coz everybody was insisting that my hair was too long (it was long enough to entirely cover my boobs), and that I'd look better with shoulder-length hair. Everybody
See last time my hair was so much cooler!
Ignore the stupid pose ... *points fervently at hair* It was red, braided and LONG.
I'm lazy to post up a picture of my current boring short black hair, but yeah, those who saw my recent pics on my blog should know. O___O
Everybody has new hairdos and cool hair now. While I now am stuck with looking like a desperate housewife. *depressed* Well, minus the hair-dye, make-up and contact lenses (which were my fave bday present ever! right.), I guess I look errrr .... more homely and less high maintanence? Wtf wtf wtf.
Nowadays I only put concealer (okok powder also sometimes), do nothing to my hair, never put eye shadow anymore, contact lenses expired (and not planning to buy again, unless its another present hahaha) and I have nude short nails for guitar. Wtf!
I used to be so much cooler than I am now. O.o'' That is my conclusion.
Okay nevermind me, I'm just finding more reasons to build up the anger and frustration in me. So I can kick ass at badminton and jogging later. ROAR!!!
*scurries off and continues to mope in conner*
P.S. Oh since I'm so bored, I just went through my dressing table and I've realized that it must've been a mistake that I was born a female, cause I don't own a single piece of accessory. At all. O.o I don't have any earrings, necklaces, bracelets, and I only have ONE rubber band and ONE hair clip. Wow!
That's it, I'm officially abnormal. O_o I'd make a super low maintenance girlfriend man, since my bf wouldn't need to buy me anything pretty. Omg
Labels: Rants
Wednesday, December 13, 2006 || Vows broken, lessons learnt
- So just now, Jaclyn and I were making a list of all the things we vowed we'd do, and not do in the year 2006, a list made back in the year 2005 and I barely got through SPM. It's kind of weird how much more innocent I was back then, even though it was just a year ago.
The list ... somewhat:
To remain single ...
The 2005 me was a lot more wiser, I think. I know that I'm not ready for a relationship. I know that I don't want to be emotionally tied down, cause I wouldn't have the maturity to handle it. Therefore, I actually promised myself that I would be single until I'm emotionally capable to really love, and sacrifice.
However, not that long ago, I was having "flings" with like, 3 or 4 people at the same time. I mean, I don't talk about them much, but with my best friends, I always joked that it was my "Peak Period". To be really truthful, I guess I just plainly kind of enjoyed the attention. *looks at sky*
(in my defence, fling = flirting with the guys who were interested in me, instead of immediately telling the ones that I wasn't interested in to not waste their time. I, being bored and everything, just led them on and went out with them ... *feels sorry* ... Not sex ok!)
But no, I don't really regret it. I mean, life is all about experiencing and learning, eh? But no, I wouldn't repeat a stunt like that ever again. It costed me a lot more than I bargained for ...... the one I really liked. And I was crushed. So yeah, I got what I deserved.
To find love ......
Back then, I wasn't really talking about the love between a man and a woman. I meant finding love in my family, my friends, God, and life ... O_o
But yeah, I did learn a thing or two about love this year. I'm not sure if I found love with a man, though it felt quite close to it ...
I've learnt that just because you really love someone, it doesn't mean that you will never do anything that'd hurt that person. Human nature is just hard to grasp. If someone breaks your heart, it doesn't mean that he/she doesn't love you in their own way. Cheap excuse, but I finally genuinely understand it ...
(I still wish I could say sorry. That I meant everything I said, even if my actions proved otherwise. =( )
I've learnt that there are some people in the world who don't deserve your love, or are people that you may not even know well ... but you just know that you love them. Not that kind of love, but still love nonetheless.
I got to know this Person this year, whom I still wish that I could've gotten to know better. He was braggy, sloppy and downright irresponsible. But he was one of those people that I knew that if I bothered to dig deeper, I'd find a good and worthy person.
(Actually, I felt the same thing when I first met Jaclyn. The personality similarities are so uncanny, it's almost freaky. Wtf)
And yeah, after a little effort, I did find a real person. He didn't want to be a good person, but he had a good heart. Don't ask me why I know, 'cause everything he does is just weird and somewhat dumb ... But I just know. :)
(I am a stubborn person ok. When I make up my mind about someone, despite how much I know him and how long we've known each other, it hardly changes. A lot of people didn't like Jaclyn over the years, but I still stuck with her! Wtf x 2)
So there was a time, with soft music playing in the background and cool breeze caressing our faces ... him, animatedly telling me about his past ... me interrupting and smiling, this Person pulled me closer and held me in his arms for some time, before leaning in and kissing me softly. It was all awfully romantic and was like a scene from a movie, if not for the fact that it was the "wrong" person. Wrong time. Wrong place. We were even kind of tipsy. Wrong, wrong, wrong ...
But in the midst of all the wrongness, something felt right. It was a horrible decision on my part ... but in the middle of all the heartbreak and everything, this Person who was all-wrong, a person who I was incredibly fond of, made me feel hopeful again. That I could love again, feel loved again.
When I pulled away, a thousand things buzzed through my head at the same time. It was all incredibly awkward ... What am I supposed to say? "Sorry"? "Hahaha good kisser, you! Hahaha!"? "Hoho that proved that we should totally start dating for real so I don't come off as a cheap slut wahaha!"?
Instead, I gazed into his eyes, pulled him closer, and held him for a long time. "Thanks ...", I whispered into his ear, before burying my face in his neck to hold back my tears. Despite the both of us being major jerks most of the time (I admit! T.T), at that moment, we were just two human beings. Flawed. He was being a ... guy. And I was being a vulnerable girl who needed someone to hold her and tell her everything's gonna be okay.
I don't know how to ever speak to this person again. But he taught me a few things: 1) Never judge a book by its cover, 2) It isn't generally smart to try to be friends with someone you're physically attracted to, and especially so if the feeling's mutual, and 3) Alcohol is bad.
But I do know this: in that moment, I felt like I really loved him. Though it wasn't true, nor was it the kind of love I felt with *him*. It just scares me, 'cause I can really love people very easily, when I open up and let them in.
And people usually leave. Always leave.
So I was blog-hopping just now, and I came across this blog of a guy, who wrote everything I've always wanted to write. Everything he said were exact replicas of my feelings, it was almost freaky. I was engrossed, captured and awed. How could someone who felt everything I felt, and wrote it so much more eloquently than I ever would even exist?!
It's not possible, I thought. How could this person be a stranger! And for a moment, reading a blog of someone I do not know, reading the thoughts of someone I'll never meet ...... I feel like I could almost fall in love with this stranger.
And this is why I should stop blogging and reading blogs. =) It makes me weirder than I already am. But the thought of me reading my blog ten years later keeps me from deleting it ... I just know that ten years later, I'll be reading this post, and laughing at how immature and childish I was. :D
My blog is just a story of my life. It's the autobiography that I'll never get to write. Everything I write here is just an example of how flawed I really am, but it's honest. O.o'' Though nobody would care if I bullshit all the time or something, I think ...
Labels: personal
Monday, December 11, 2006 || Holy Shit
- What I am about to reveal is mildly gross and and disturbing.
Okay, since a few days ago, my mum bought some kinda Chlorophyll health drink, which is supposed to be really er .... good. I have no idea what is it for, coz I just consistently drank it for the heck of it.
Anyway, it's REALLY dark green in colour, and doesn't taste bad, since only a tablespoon of it is is added in a cup of water.
But apparently, I noticed that after I started drinking it, I've been ... having urges to go to the toilet a lot more.
Which is good, since I presume that I'll possibly get thinner if I shit more. Hahaha.
But today, I found that my shit was literally green in colour. OMG ewwww.
I swear, it was this green. O_O Was kinda freaked out.
Actually, to pay a tribute to this entry, I shall start saying OH MY SHIT instead of OH MY GOD.
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Okay basically, besides the very fascinating discovery of the latest color of my turd, I have absolutely nothing to blog about. I admit that my life is so mundane and uninteresting right now.
I have nothing to worry about. Nothing to obsess over. Nothing in particular to focus on. No important self-inflicted screwed up situation to "save" myself from. No drunken mistakes. No issues with anyone.
It all sums up to a very very terribly boring and repetitive life. =( Why lah all the shit happened when I was supposed to be focusing on my studies, but now that I'm totally free, nothing interesting ever happens?!
God must be working in mysterious ways. Indeed.
This is what a normal and terribly bored girl would do, when stuck at home on a Sunday night with nothing better to do: Camwhore with her webcam. Ohmyshitwtf, damn lame. =.=''
Bored, Hyperactive, Post-examinations Me
Then I wanted to see what I look like when I'm kissing someone.
Ok, I hereby declare that I have officially terminated all narcissistic tendencies of wanting to kiss myself. O_o''
I will also stop bragging that I'm a good kisser. O___O''
(Actually, come to think of it, that's something that I've never bragged about before ... Oops.)
Oh yeah, I was skimming through my computer and I found these pictures I took last week:
My cousins went back to Penang two days ago. I'm not sure if I'm totally HAPPY about finally regaining my privacy, or if I'm really sad that I won't get to play with my cousin bro anymore. =(
Okay when I first looked at this picture, the first thing that came to my mind was, THIS is how a happy family picture would look like if Jaclyn and I were a lesbian couple and decided to adopt a kid together.
WTF! Damn disturbing. I'm suddenly so grateful that I'm 99% straight.
I still miss my cousin though. =( But when he was living with me, I secretly couldn't wait for him to go home, cause he kept on stealing my food! -_-
Sunday, December 10, 2006 || Normal blogging will resume shortly
- I .... am .... ALIVE! *gasp*
I just hate exams. Damn, can't seem to find time to update at all whenever there're exams. Ohhh, my exams were a nightmare.
Despite having a really great current C.G.P.A, and doing really well in most of my courseworks, I'm still gonna end up at the bottom of the heap anyway. SHIT.
Anyway, I have a whole month of hols ahead of me! Who wants to hire me for any part time jobs? I'll make an excellent uh ... santa's wife? Rudolph? Hire me anyway! :D
Oh anyway, my phone's currently in the hospital right now. =( Which means I haven't been taking any pictures all week. Actually come to think of it, the camera would've been useless anyway, since I was in dreary exam halls all week. Hmm ...
I really hope that my holidays will be fun. Or, at least, substantial. I'm always hungry for adventure ... And looking at the boring state my life is in right now (note: no love life, still a virgin and intends to stay one, no more fascination with booze), I already smell trouble coming up soon enough. I just have a knack for spicing up my own life. Heehee.
Who wants to meet up with me during my hols! I'm damn bored lah. I can be quite friendly when I'm in a good mood, and relatively normal looking. And I don't bite! ......... hard. LOL
Okay, I'll write a decent post soon enough. Ok since when are any of my posts decent anyway? Hahahaha
Am currently watching:
Chobits. I'm watching it from PeekVid, which is an awesome site for TV shows. It's about a boy and a robot who fall in love ... kinda sweet and funny, actually. But OMG, I just proved everyone's theory that I have weird taste to be right ... I mean, of all animes, I deliberately chose one about the love between a human and ROBOT? =.=
Monday, December 04, 2006 || Sexuality
- I have a secret: I like to sleep in the nude. Not all the time, though. Okay actually, it isn't REALLY a secret, since I think that it's a common thing, and that I've probably told a lot of people before ...
But really. I DO like sleeping naked, I just like the feeling of my comforter grazing my skin. I like the breeze that caresses my whole body freely, not just my face and neck. But most of all, I really like lazily climbing out of my bed, to sleepily glance at my nude reflection in my dressing table while I'm staggering towards my wardrobe, and like what I see.
I mean, I donno if it's anything to do with my body-image or whatever, but I really like the way my body looks, despite the bulge in my tummy and other big flaws. I'm not sure if everyone feels the same about their bodies, but they should. (you were born with your body - LOVE IT, BABY!)
I actually have this secret conviction (which is officially not a secret anymore) that I look my best when I'm naked, stripped of clothes, make-up, and everything. And I'm secretly kind of proud that nobody has ever seen my uh ... best self. Yet, anyway.
Does anyone ever feel this way about their bodies? O_o'' I wonder.
Anyway, digressing, I've been thinking about sex a lot lately. NOOO, I'm not thinking about it in a sexual way (translation: I'm not hooked on porn or erotica, nor am I actually doing it), but I'm just thinking about it. I'm just thinking about sex in a non-sexual way. (Wow, I amaze myself.)
Okay, this still kind of baffles me, but more and more of my friends are uh ... deflowered. Not virgins anymore. Or at least, are involved in sexual activities that practically stripped their "virgin" label away already, even if they haven't technically done it yet. =.=
I can't say that it's morally wrong or right, since morality IS subjective. But actually, I've always believed that I will wait for my wedding night. You know, that my husband should and will be my first and only one.
I mean ... how would I feel if I find out that my HUSBAND has touched, felt and stimulated so many other women before me? My gawd, it would be so disturbing.
But that was then. Now, I'm just so doubtful that I'll be able to have the constant willpower to stick to my so-called beliefs and promises I made to myself. I am a highly sexual creature (OMGWTF AHAHA MY QUOTE OF THE MONTH), and in the heat of the moment, I just don't really think straight. My Gawd.
I used to think that sex, without love, would mean absolutely nothing. But seriously, I never thought of the fact that it doesn't take a person you're in love with to arouse you.
It definitely wouldn't happen anytime soon, since I'm SO staying away from boys for some time, but I REALLY hope that I'll somehow have the strength to stick to my convictions. And not succumb to peer pressure or be easily seduced by hot men. Haha wtf.
I don't really blame some of the people I know for sleeping around. Or at least, sleeping with every boyfriend/girlfriend they have. Because once you've had a bite of it ... I guess you'll always NEED more. O_o'' Though it's only hypothesys on my part, since I have not proven it yet. Hahaha.
Okay, before anybody thinks that I'm sexually frustrated or that I have subconscious desires to mate now, I assure you that these are just very random thoughts. =) Just random ponderings. Like how I occasionally wonder if I'll ever have a hot body and be gorgeous someday. Wahaha.
So yeah ... if fate has it that I ever somehow date you, whoever who's reading this, don't seduce me ah. I'm very fragile and delicate okay. I know that I'm a great kisser and all, but I'm horrible in bed. LOL. Okay, I wouldn't know that, and
Damn, my exams are Tuesday, and I'm still here blogging about pre-marital sex. OMG
Sunday, December 03, 2006 || A very big blow
- Post deleted.
Personal reason. I worked things out with my friend, she apologized, and she asked me take out the post just in case people figure out who is it. Hahaha wtf.
Saturday, December 02, 2006 || an excuse for procrastination
- My maternal instincts are burninggggg!
I just watched Rob-B-Hood. *big motherly grin* And the baby is SO ADORABLE. Me wants!!!
I keep on cuddling my cousin brother. Heehee.
Anyway, newly acquired mother instincts aside, I have my bloody exams next week, and I have not started studying a single thing. *looks at sky*
Last sem, I did pretty well without studying much, but I doubt that I'll luck out again this time. Anyway, I got the highest in my class for my graphic comm coursework mars, isn't that great? I'm happy. :D
Okay, I'll just post up random pictures I took for the past few days.
Dad had a birthday gathering thingy two days ago, and we invited a bunch of close friends and family to our place for steamboat.
And my cool sis bought me ...
Kinda ironic, since it IS my dad's birthday gathering. ;-)
I will be the most perfect mom ever, cause I'm so nice to my cousin bro. Within a few days, I've taught him how to whistle and wink at chicks. I've taught him a couple of pick-up lines, like 'Hey pretty lady ... *wink*' and etc. See, I even drew a moustache on him!
Aww so cute.
Okok lari tajuk a bit. HAHA
My dad's friends, my best friends, and my family.
Anyway, one of my dad's pastor friends says that his daughter reads my blog! O_o Hi girl if you're reading this! :D
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I've just realized that I always look like a chink-eyed sick cat in pics that're taken from a distance. Oh wait, I AM a chink. Anyway, this is such a formal pic with our formal poses. -_-
Haha better.
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The night before she left, my sister took my best friends and I out clubbing. And it was a blast. I mean, her friends were all freaking NICE and cool, even though there's a huge age gap between us.
We went to Qba, in Westin Hotel or something. I've never been there before, but it was awesome. Damn, talk about hot guy heaven. ;)
Didn't take pics cause I didn't bring my camera, but here are a few from our phones.
Everybody was drinking, smoking, and getting stoned. Seriously, it's damn fun, but I doubt that I'll adopt clubbing as a lifestyle. For one, I can't afford it (unless I'm going out with my sis, since she takes the bill. LOL) and I should just stay away from booze, cigs and whatnots for a bit.
I once swore I will never get hooked, and I shall not prove myself wrong. Gambatei!
Actually, the ONE thing good about going clubbing, especially if it's with my sister and her friends or something, I get to meet a lot of older people. Older, working people. Which is kinda cool, cause I managed to get contacts of people who offered me internships at their companies. :D
I need a job, an internship, or to do some voluntary mission work or something, since I have a one-month long holiday ahead of me after my exams.
I mean, I should be out there in the world, actually doing something with my time ... instead of hanging out in mamaks comparing love-deprived lives with single friends.
Okay, gotta go sleep. I AM supposed to be studying but lalala ........
