Thursday, December 21, 2006 || Innocent no more
- Hello world.
I've finally managed to drag my lazy ass in front of my computer to blog. Nobody will believe this, since I was practically lifeless, but I've been actually kinda busy lately. Seriously amazing. Though the way I've been spending lately, the last of my savings are gonna be gone soon, and I'll be back to being Desperately-Miserably-Stuck-At-Home.
On Monday, when we were staying at her place, Cally gave us french manicures. :D For free! Totally nice of her for giving me my first ever manicure. I mean, manicures were never really my thing, since I'm always so clumsy and banging my hands on everything anyway ......
And the end result was cool:
I know, I know ... it's very lady-like and not very "ME", but I like it. =D
I'm highly aware that I look really dumb(in a bad way)... but don't look at my face! The nails. :D
Anyway, Tuesday was Ivy's birthday, and Chris, Jac, and I spent it with her at Souled out.
Since I'm such a broke and am very stingy at the moment, I found the food there a little bit pricey. But oh OH, one of the waiters is CUTE. The one who helped us take this pic ... Nyeh heh heh.
Happy (belated) birthday Ivy! :D I could write a thousand words to describe what a sweet person you are, but words wouldn't come close. =)
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I'm feeling rather confused and lost at the moment. It's something that I don't think I could blog about, cause it kind of involves someone I'm really close to. And I don't know how to put it into words without revealing who that person is.
Sometimes I wonder if everyone was pre-destined to be somebody. Is a so-called bad person destined to be "bad" from the moment he was born? I know that we all make our beds and we lie in it ... but seriously, sometimes I think that I don't know who I am. Or who I'm supposed to be. It's a very weird and complicated feeling.
I mean, I'm trying really hard to be the girl that I think that I'm supposed to be ... you know, a girl that doesn't sleep around, a girl that gets along somewhat decently with her family, a girl who's loyal to her friends.
But sometimes, I feel like it's sapping out the energy out of me ... And everytime I'm with friends who do stuff that I don't do, or stuff that I'm trying to stop doing, like smoking, drinking, or making out with strangers at clubs and shit ... I feel kind of alienated. Like I'm supposed to choose between them or being good ... because it's really very hard to stay away from those shit when someone you're super close to is falling deeper into it.
I know that I'm not supposed to be judgemental and should just be there for my friends, but I'm just so scared of detesting myself again. I mean, I don't really wanna be a smoker, a drinker, nor do I want to be a slut. Not now, anyway.
So what do I do? Take the easier turn by walking away from them, or continue being there, listening to them talk about pleasures I'm trying to stay away from, while playing the tiresome role of helping them to pick up ther own shit when they get into trouble, only to watch them make the same mistakes again anyway? O_o
It's all very confusing. Now I guess this is a vague taste of adulthood, for gone are the days when mamaks and ice cream were sufficient. =(
I got this picture from Christine yesterday. It was taken two years ago, when a bunch of us went cycling in Putrajaya or something ...
I cringed when I saw the very er .... unladylike and unflattering old picture.
But for some weird reason, if I'm trying to find who I really am, I actually think that this picture "defines" me the best. Wtf O_o
