Monday, December 04, 2006 || Sexuality
- I have a secret: I like to sleep in the nude. Not all the time, though. Okay actually, it isn't REALLY a secret, since I think that it's a common thing, and that I've probably told a lot of people before ...
But really. I DO like sleeping naked, I just like the feeling of my comforter grazing my skin. I like the breeze that caresses my whole body freely, not just my face and neck. But most of all, I really like lazily climbing out of my bed, to sleepily glance at my nude reflection in my dressing table while I'm staggering towards my wardrobe, and like what I see.
I mean, I donno if it's anything to do with my body-image or whatever, but I really like the way my body looks, despite the bulge in my tummy and other big flaws. I'm not sure if everyone feels the same about their bodies, but they should. (you were born with your body - LOVE IT, BABY!)
I actually have this secret conviction (which is officially not a secret anymore) that I look my best when I'm naked, stripped of clothes, make-up, and everything. And I'm secretly kind of proud that nobody has ever seen my uh ... best self. Yet, anyway.
Does anyone ever feel this way about their bodies? O_o'' I wonder.
Anyway, digressing, I've been thinking about sex a lot lately. NOOO, I'm not thinking about it in a sexual way (translation: I'm not hooked on porn or erotica, nor am I actually doing it), but I'm just thinking about it. I'm just thinking about sex in a non-sexual way. (Wow, I amaze myself.)
Okay, this still kind of baffles me, but more and more of my friends are uh ... deflowered. Not virgins anymore. Or at least, are involved in sexual activities that practically stripped their "virgin" label away already, even if they haven't technically done it yet. =.=
I can't say that it's morally wrong or right, since morality IS subjective. But actually, I've always believed that I will wait for my wedding night. You know, that my husband should and will be my first and only one.
I mean ... how would I feel if I find out that my HUSBAND has touched, felt and stimulated so many other women before me? My gawd, it would be so disturbing.
But that was then. Now, I'm just so doubtful that I'll be able to have the constant willpower to stick to my so-called beliefs and promises I made to myself. I am a highly sexual creature (OMGWTF AHAHA MY QUOTE OF THE MONTH), and in the heat of the moment, I just don't really think straight. My Gawd.
I used to think that sex, without love, would mean absolutely nothing. But seriously, I never thought of the fact that it doesn't take a person you're in love with to arouse you.
It definitely wouldn't happen anytime soon, since I'm SO staying away from boys for some time, but I REALLY hope that I'll somehow have the strength to stick to my convictions. And not succumb to peer pressure or be easily seduced by hot men. Haha wtf.
I don't really blame some of the people I know for sleeping around. Or at least, sleeping with every boyfriend/girlfriend they have. Because once you've had a bite of it ... I guess you'll always NEED more. O_o'' Though it's only hypothesys on my part, since I have not proven it yet. Hahaha.
Okay, before anybody thinks that I'm sexually frustrated or that I have subconscious desires to mate now, I assure you that these are just very random thoughts. =) Just random ponderings. Like how I occasionally wonder if I'll ever have a hot body and be gorgeous someday. Wahaha.
So yeah ... if fate has it that I ever somehow date you, whoever who's reading this, don't seduce me ah. I'm very fragile and delicate okay. I know that I'm a great kisser and all, but I'm horrible in bed. LOL. Okay, I wouldn't know that, and
Damn, my exams are Tuesday, and I'm still here blogging about pre-marital sex. OMG
