Saturday, April 29, 2006 || Pride comes before a fall
- I haven't been online much lately, hence the sudden lack of everyday updates.
I swear, I have been going online for less than 10 minutes per day for the last month or so. Unless I decide to blog ...
I used to sit my lazy ass in front of the computer for hours, doing nothing and chatting to random people. =_= Until my dad started bitching about what a big grasp the Internet has on me, I decided to shove into his face the fact that I don't specifically depend on anything to survive.
And I did! Bwahahaha!
Errr ... right.
Anyway, I used some of the money I earned from last month's part-time job to buy me a .......
TADA!
A dance performance mat! :D
HAHAHA. Can you believe it, I actually thought that those dance mats were called 'dance-dance mats'.
At the console game shop ....
me: "Do you guys sell dance dance mats?"
Shop dude: "Huh?"
me: "Er ... neh, the thing that people jump on with the arrows on screen..."
shop dude: "Oh ... Yeah we have it, it's a dance performance mat and it's Rm35."
.... But despite my intense stupidity/blurness/idiocracy, I still managed to sum up all my bargaining skills (Rm35 is overpriced yo, IMO) and got the damned mat for Rm27.
Not bad, not bad at all.
Anyway, I bought the map home, along with a few Ps2 dance-dance Cds (I don't care, it's still called dance-dance in my books :p ) and I tried playing it.
At first, I set the game mode to beginner, but then I thought: 'What the hell man, all those lala chai show-offs at arcades can play so well... so can I!'
So I set it to difficult mode, and chose Fatboy Slim's What a wonderful night. -_-
Ah, I underestimated what I thought was a 'stupid game'. All I remember was being in a confused frenzy, and hopping around with one leg like an idiot.
... Until I fell on my ass. =(((
Moral of the story: Pride comes before a fall. And in this case, literally. Eesh.
And oh, I found a pretty okay-looking 21 inch phillips tv, second hand, going for RM150. Quite cheap, right? But kiamsap ole' me tried bargaining with the fat salesman and he wouldn't budge, which ended up with me feeling annoyed and leaving the shop empty-handed.
=_=
----------------------
I've been reading up on religion quite a lot, nowadays.
My parents were buddhists who converted to christianity when I was pretty young, so yeah, I remember going to church for a very, very long time.
But I've never really thought of it as a religion. I've always regarded the whole thing as a relationship between myself and God. Something that has nothing to do with anybody else. And yep, I must say that even though I don't attend the same church as my parents or anything, I do know that I love God a lot, though that isn't sufficient enough an explaination for most people .......
I've always known the gist of most religions. But I think it's high time I found out more about everything.
OH oh did you know that satanism is just a belief that a person is his own God?
I DID know this some time back, but most people think that it's literally lucifer-worshipping. Which involves a lot of blood and dead babies. And *no offence* but 6/10 of my buddhist friends don't seem to know much as well. O_o
"What's the difference between the black goddess of mercy and the white one ar?" (I don't mean to be rude, I really wanted to know..)
friend: "Err ... How would I know?"
"Aren't you buddhist?"
"Uh ... well ... different colour lor."
I've been reading some Ancient bible secrets book as well. Quite interesting, no less.
But speaking of religion, there are just SO many questions that, try as I may, I can't seem to find any solid answers to them. And I'm not going to be satisfied until I find my own answers, one way or other ....
Many people think that religious fanatics, whatever the religion, are a bunch of nuts. I must say that even I, at times, find them rather irritating.
But whatever it is, they're still nuts with a belief.
And OH, I met another weirdass taxi driver today. We were having a chat about mass comm and then the dude started telling me his sob story about his dead brother and cousin. OMG.
Thursday, April 27, 2006 || I'm not bisexual, asexual, pedophillic ... I'm STRAIGHT!
- Wah, I didn't come online for two days, and when I did, I reread my previous post and felt incredibly, obnoxiously STUPID for writing it.
Holy mama mia, I just exposed the biggest flaw of my otherwise kinda perfect life to the whole world.
Nvm nvm. Anyway, just in case anybody was wondering (which I doubt it), I'm quite fine now. I was in the shittiest of the shits mood for two days or so, and I instantly recovered today. I mean, what the heck right, my dad will always be my dad. -_-
His biggest flaw, I think, is that he really does not know when to mind his own business. Right now he's enthusiastically yapping on the phone with his good friend's wife and convincing her that her husband is mentally pooped out and needs to see a shrink.
-__- And he just pretends to ignore all my pointed looks.
Anyway, I met a damn weird cab driver today. Damn funny in a really sad way.
After I told him where to drop me off, he started making all sorts of funny conversations.
"You dari mana yeh?" (where are you from?)
"Oh ku ni orang tempatan... " (I'm a local)
"Oh! Memang ker? Hahahahahaha tadi apabila you masuk aku ingat you ni orang cina pulak!" (Oh! Really? Hahahaha when you came in I thought you were like, chinese!)
thinks: WTF!
says: "Errrr ... yah."
Then he started to crap a lot more, since he found out that I'm malay. "Malay". What could I do? Tap him on the shoulder and say "ku ni orang cina la bodoh!"?
Time to get whitening cream.
Then he proceeded to turn around and look me over.
"Oh sekarang badan dik ni masih elok, cantik. Tapi tengok lah gadis muda hari ini, semua makan macam babi ajer! Semua gemuk! Pakai apa baju pun nampak hodoh..."
Me: (wtf?) "Errrr.... Memang ...."
(which is an equally 'wtf'-worthy answer)
"Jadi amoi jangan makan begitu banyak macam mereka yeh. Mesti maintain bentuk badan ya! Gemuk tak cantik lagi!"
Me: (WTF?) "........................................."
........ Actually quite funny also lah. Errr.
-----------
Yesterday night I went to a church cuz my mum forced me to and Jaclyn tagged along.
It was some kinda event at a really small church where there was an aussie team of missionaries or something. I didn't really notice anyone cause I was in a glum mood, and nobody caught my eye anyway.
Then one of them went on stage with a guitar and started singing his self-penned songs. He was old-ish, close to forty I think, tall with big brown eyes and scruffy hair. I know I talked to him and introduced myself before he went up the stage, but I couldn't really remember his name ....
I was staring at my phone for the first minute or so and didn't really pay attention, even though I LOVE guitars with a passion. That was how disinterested I was. Then I raised my head and looked at him.
He caught my eye and smiled. While strumming his guitar and singing. I can't remember what the song was like or anything, but I remember distinctly remember the lyrics at the time: "Here I am ...... ~"
And I could only smile like an idiot.
..... All I remember was turning into mush. Like seriously. I mean, I don't even KNOW the name of the dude, but at THAT moment, I felt like I was ...... complete.
WTFWTFWTFWTFWTF. He could've walked off the stage at the time, and said to me: "Oh fair maiden, I know not your name, but I would like you to accompany me on a trip to the Bermuda Triangle ......"
And I would've said YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111111
WTF. He's like FORTY, Liz. (I think? Or 30+?) Probably married. Probably has a daughter your age. Not that good looking. Just totally your type. And it's not only the way he sings, it's the way he speaks. And smiles. And everything.
Farkedoo-dah-hey. It is henceforth proven that my theory is right: I'm not like, asexual or anything.
I like older men. -_____________________-
But ooohh. All the aura of maturity, power, sexiness and strength that only someone who has experienced so much more in life ..... is so attractive to me. =(
EEEEEEEEEEEEEK. I think that I have found the ideal prince charming in my life.
Double EEEEEK.
Right now, I'm still on cloud nine, I swear if anyone gave me an "I love daddy so muchee" sign, I would happily hold it and walk around dreamily.
YAY, I'm straight!
Tuesday, April 25, 2006 || bastardassbitchshitprick
- I really should blog more. I mean, how else will I ever remember all the crap I did in 2006?
But then again, my mundane life is so boring and ... mundane. My posts have been sorta ranty nowadays cuz ... well, life isn't happy and cheerful at the moment. -_-
===============
Anyway, I just had a superlicious fight with my dad today. It's so bad that I haven't talked to him for more than 24 hours.
He told me that since I did not-so-well in my SPM, I'm gonna be a failure in life because unlike my older sister, I do not possess guts or street-smartness to make it in life.
I was so pissed, hurt and upset I started sobbing and crying in the middle of dinner in Jalan Imbi. Okok, before anybody flames me and tell me I'm an ungrateful bitch for tearing apart just after one fight, let me just say that it has been that way my whole life.
He always compared me with my older sis. Even when I studied and got good results, he'd still say stupid fuckshit like "Oh, wah, anyway Elaine got damn good results also even though she was hardly in school and never study."
And after 18 years of not living up and being compared, belittled, and unappreciated, I give up. I've cried enough tears and have had enough blows.
I mean, I've always wondered why he always loved my sister more. Come on, she doesn't even come back to Malaysia more than once every two years!
And comparing me to her is frankly retarded, if you asked me. She started smoking and shoplifted when she was 13 and by the time she was my age, she was experimenting with drugs and all those shits.
TELL ME, PEOPLE, what the fuck? Am I really, really worse than that? I'm not saying I'm a better person, but WHAT ON EARTH is there for him to compare us with? Just because I'm less talkative and less independant? Just because I have less friends?
I could never find the answers to my questions. Until now.
I've realized that my father is not a hero, nor someone great. He's just a man, easily swayed and seduced.
Money. Just because she's filthy rich, he worships the ground she walks on.
Oh of course, I'll willingly admit that I'm in no position to buy him a Camry, a house or whatever. Hell, I'm even so thrifty and kiamsap I won't even spend more than Rm50 for his birthday present.
But I'm goddamn disappointed in him.
I used to be a happy, carefree and socialble person. Confident, too. But my father single-handedly destroyed all my dreams, shattered my self-esteem and stole my sense of direction and hope away from me.
Everything I ever wanted in life, he always smirked and told me they were foolish dreams. That I'll never succeed and get rich with them.
And now, I'm torn, broken and lost. Are you happy now, dad?
I'll never be Elaine, and that hurts you so much you absolutely HAVE to destroy whatever that's left of Eliza, right?
No, I'm sick of all your bullshit about how amazing my sister is. I don't see her more than once a year, she's a stranger to me, and I fail to set her as a source of inspiration. Because you made me hate the sister I never knew. And I know that because of you, she hates me too.
I'm lost, but I'll find my way again. I'm not particularly smart, pretty or witty, but I'll gain recognition and success with what I have, and not what you expect me to have.
And you'll never be a part of it. I'm sorry to say that even after all the mental shit you put me through, after everything I've done to try to please you ... I am still incapable of hating you. But I want to be happy again, and I don't ever want you to crush my spirits ever again. Someday I'll repay you for all the money you "invested", in your own words, in me. And that'll be the end.
But I blame you for everything that I am and everything that I'm not.
Sunday, April 23, 2006 || ........
- I am in a bad bad mood.
BAD BAD MOOD.
I WANNA KILL AND BITE AND TEAR OUT SOMEONE'S HAIR!!! Roooar!
...................
I have a bigass mouth ulcer. =(
Okay, it's not like the first time I've ever gotten an ulcer before, but I HATE IT when I can't speak and eat properly. Two of my biggest pleasures in life are provided by my mouth (yo, don't get the wrong idea) ... Food and delightful conversation. :(
And now the upper lip of my mouth stings like a bee everytime I eat or speak.
Plus, it's not helpful that usually whenever I get ulcers (which is like, once a year) I'll come down with a fever the next day. NOOOOOOOO!
I'm already so bored and lifeless, why confine me somemore and limit my pleasures? *complains to nobody in particular*
Shit man. I feel like wringing my poodle's cute neck.
... Okay, my inner sadist has begun to reveal itself. Oh did I say that? Oops.
And it doesn't help that when I'm unable to speak comfortably, my mum decided to flaunt her current LINE-DANCING obsession on me by chasing me away from my computer, downloading stupid Vengaboys songs, and dancing in whatever free spot there is available in our humble home.
If I hear another line of "sha la la la la ..." I'm gonna wring my own neck.
Saturday, April 22, 2006 || Weird things
- (BTW, 5 members of my dad's current church complimented my parents today about what a beautiful daughter they have. AWW, they pulled the right strings. I give them credit. *fake blush*
I take back what I said to all my friends about that church being a bit too long-winded and almost freaky. =)))
AHAHAHA I'm such a hypocrite. And I'll admit, a damn perasan one at that too.)
--------------
I've already decided which college to go to. (Either Business studies or Mass comm. Both seem pretty good so I'm just gonna go for the one with more options.)
HOWEVER, I've met a few of the people from that college and they're all absolutely indescribable. Yeap, I fail to find any particular words to describe them. Not that it's a bad thing.
The first time I met some dude from that college last December, I asked him about that college and he was uber loyal and chirpy about it. CHIRPY, I tell ya!
"It isn't the coolest college ever. It may not be the most popular college.But no matter what ... it's the RIGHT college."
(this is said with a very solemn nod and genuine smile)
I raised my eyebrows and nonchalantly changed the subject.
Then I met someone else from that college, and obviously since I was interested in it, I asked him what he thought about the col as well.
He adopted a really cheerful tone and big bright eyes,
"You really should come! :) This is not a community, it isn't a college ... it's a FAMILY."
Err ... okay.
And then there is one of my best friends, who signed up for said college's March Intake. At first, she was pretty adamant about disliking the college cause some of the people there are "weird weird tei" (not me who say wan ok) ... but when I met up with her not too long ago, I noticed that she somewhat mellowed out quite a bit (though I think it isn't a bad thing :D).
Of course, I asked her the Golden Question. How's the college?
"You know, it isn't the coolest college or anything ... but it isn't just a college you know. It's like a family."
Errrrr .... Okay.
I'm speechless. Is that a good or a bad thing? =/
I'm quite curious to see if I'll be a successful product of that college. Or not.
Friday, April 21, 2006 || I've decided to be bisexual
- WHASSSUPPPP PEOPLE!
Missed me?! (hahaha)
And oh, I HATE Kellie Pickler. She reminds me of a girl I used to hate that was so cute, but soon started acting cute all the time to get sympathy favours. And in her case, she's just exploiting her stupid southern belle charm too much. "I butchered it ... *pout* Aww I'm sawweeee!"
SO IRRITATING... *cracks knuckles*
-----
I've decided to become a full-fledged bisexual.
I mean, what the heck right, why limit myself to one gender when I can have both? gasp. And that would mean I have an extra 50% of the world population to choose from!
And I really don't like men at the moment. Girls can be bitchy and all that, but at least they don't scare your pants off by offering to buy you drinks in pasar malams. Or try to grope you.
(I'm actually jk about the bisexuality bit, but I really wouldn't mind. So when any guy friend goes on and on about a girl that I think isn't pretty, I won't be irritated or anything, since I'll probably agree with him too! :D ....... But I've never felt attracted to a girl in my whole life before.)
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Life is quite cool right now. I told Nicholas I wouldn't be working at his place, since they want a full-time waitress and the shop closes at 1 A.M. (CRAZY, right?)
And my dad wanted to bring me to Bangkok with him and my sis on a holiday.
YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Oh wait, I can't go. =( My mum isn't going (private family problem lah) thus I don't think I should go.
I mean, I placed myself in her shoes ... and I decided that if I was a mother and my husband and kids goes to Bangkok without me, I'd feel like a piece of turd. So once again, I've decided to at least try to be a good daughter and do what's best for my mother's sake.
... Okay okay, I'm not exactly a good daughter, nor am I particularly noble. But at times I really wish that they'd appreciate the small things that I do for them and not just brush me off.
Oh, speaking of parents, my dad is taking bible classes and is studying to be a "pastor". Or preacher.
I can't stand it when my dad acts all nice and oh-so-lovely in church, while he can be such a jerk at home. Which was the main reason I couldn't stand being in the same church as my parents.
I feel like such an asshole at times because I find it SO HARD to accept other people's flaws, when so many people probably love me for who I am. =((( I mean, I even tell off my best friend to her face whenever she's being a hypocrite.
Blah, whatever. Call me Eliza Lee, the preacher's kid.
SOMEBODY KILL ME PLEASE. What if I start smoking? What if I got into a relationship that will be frowned upon? What if I started strip dancing as a part-time job?
Of course, those things won't happen.
But ....... Just kill me.
Thursday, April 20, 2006 || Hahahahahaha
- Today Jaclyn told me about her incredible experience.
Some would call it gross. Some would find it really interesting.
Anyway, she was walking past her neighbour's house and when she glanced into it (the window wasn't close, wtf) , she saw her fat GIRL neighbour masturbating while watching something on tv.
W......... T............ F ...............
AHAHAHA!
Okay, I know that what other people do is really none of my business, especially if they wank. But gosh, why leave the windows open? If I were her, I'd shout her name, and wave nonchalantly into the window with a huuuuge grin on my face. :P
-___- It's like, don't wank in 'public' lah.
Edit: Kellie Pickler of AI is SOOOO ANNOYING. Omg. If she doesn't get booted out I'm never watching AI again.
Wednesday, April 19, 2006 || drool. drool. pant. pant. drool.
- ****pointless post ahead*****
First there was Daniel Henney, whom I drooled at when I watched My Name is Kim Sam Soon last year.
... And now there's Dennis Joseph O'Neil.
My GOD I love his name!
*GASP*
*Drooldrooldrooldrooldrool*
I haven't watched the drama he's in ... but who cares. O___O HE. IS. SO. HOT.
*fans self*
Frankly, judging from the pics, I even think that he's cuter than Daniel Henney :P who looks a bit old.
I MEAN, LOOK AT THAT SMILE. *faints*
His mum is Asian-korean and his dad's American. Wow. Eurasian kids are so amazingly adorable.
I don't understand why my sis doesn't wanna have kids ever.
*drool drool drool*
Tuesday, April 18, 2006 || WHEEE!
- I finally got someone to teach me guitar for FREE!!!
I know, I know, I'm so kiamsap ... So much that I don't even wanna fork out RM100 a month for lessons. :p
YAY!
I've always loved guitar ... *sniff*
However, along with the good news, there are bad news (as usual) =(
My parents sold off my organ, cause they thought that they'd might as well rope in some cash since I don't wanna pursue it as a future career path. *smirk*
Erm ... I'm quite surprisingly indifferent to it, actually. I mean, I've never really liked that instrument that much, anyway. And sad to say, I'm not exactly talented musically ... (which explains why I didn't wanna spend money on guitar lessons)
Besides, if I ever DO become a music teacher, Yeah sure, life would be nice and breezy. (I dunno, my music teacher told me one)
But then again, I'd be stagnant my whole life. There's no chance of a "true" success in that career path (true success, meaning I'd never be able to buy a big house and a car by thirty), unless it's performance music.
AND, since I never touched my PS2 for the past three months or so, I decided to head out and buy a couple of new games to play, just for fun. I bought The Godfather, The Sims 2, and Harvest Moon: A wonderful life.
.... But I came home and the stupid games won't play on my TV! *GRRR* The images that appear on the screen are like, discolored and jumpy. It's actually something to do with the PAL/NTSC thing ... I've tried everything, but I still can't seem to get it right.
Stupid Phillips tv.
I feel like buying a really small second hand TV ...=( (that has a PAL OR NTSC function) ... but I went to the shop and it's all like, RM150. wtf.
- Reading Xiaxue's latest post about people labeling her a SPG cracked me up a bit. And it reminded me of a really funny blog of a 17 year old chick that I bumped into yesterday ... (unfortunately, I forgot her link.. )
Anyway, the blog I bumped into yesterday was a pretty good read mainly because she bitches about how her mat salleh (a.k.a white) boyfriend is cuter than all the Msian chinese guys who hit on her.
(Who doesn't love a bitchy read?)
And then my mind breezed to all the conversations my friends and I have had regarding men.
*WARNING: SHALLOW BITCHES ALERT* :P
"She's too pretty for him lah. He looks like minched pork, at least S was kinda cute!"
"Uh, everybody loves white boys 'cause an ugly white boy is still cuter than ... you know"
"If I got raped in US, and if I get pregnant or whatever, at least the chances of the baby being good-looking is still higher than if I get raped in Malaysia ..."
(no prizes guessing who said this. Bleck. )
(I'm not revealing who said what. They'd kill me and roast me for dinner.)
[DIGRESSING: The only show that I ever bother watching nowadays is America's next top model. Because I'm basically quite lazy of downloading korean shows only to have everybody bug me to burn them and I absolutely love Tyra Banks. I've finished watching season 5 (I KNOW you guys are only in the beginning of season 4. HAHAHA!), and the winner was a whiny 18 year old redhead.
I'm in the middle of season 6 now, the season that's airing in the US. The show is addictive man, it just goes to show what bitches some girls can be. Though I must admit that season 6's girls are extremely pretty compared to season 5.]
Anyway, on the show, Tyra Banks asked her why she wanted to be America's next top model, and she said something freaking hilarious like:
"I wanna be America's next top model because I wanna represent the Asian spirit and open pathways for my people. I find that I'm more American than korean, actually, and I really don't date Asian guys 'cause they're so short and I usually go for white guys ..."
OMG that seriously cracked me up. How contradicting is that, man? The first half of that statement she made must've been made-up bullshit and the second half of it was probably what she's really like.
She got booted out in like episode 5 anyway.
I wish that there will come a day when everybody'd be free to speak their minds without worrying about what other people will think.
Because there were so many times when I drooled at hot guys in front of guy friends and they'd seem to be so annoyed. They'd be all "I think he looks gay" and bash all the guys I think that are hot.
Though I don't really blame them. Cause most chinese guys have the hots for a "certain" type of girl, anyway.
a) skinny
b) fair
c) feminine
d) skinny
e) pretty
f) wears short skirts
g) gentle + sweet
I'm none of the above. Thus obviously, I'd be damn tulan and not agree with the guys point of views and only stick to mine.
However, for me (and most of the girls I know), an "ideal" man would be like
a) good-looking (duh)
b) taller than herself
c) tanned (unless you like snow-white boys. that's okay.)
d) good-looking
e) not skinny. We don't ask for so much, as long as you're not all flabby or all skinny.
f) confident
g) cute
... And none of the guys who bashed my tastes in men were the above, either. (Pls don't terperasan, it's nothing personal. Anyway I did admit that I wasn't 'ideal' as well.)
See? Girls are quite shallow also, so it's all good. :D
(seriously, this is the most down-to-earth and most honest post I've ever done. I don't usually openly admit that I'm shallow you know. =( )
Sometimes I really think that I'm way over-the-top superficial. I mean, the only guy I ever really really liked hit everything on my "ideal" list point on, and ever since then, I have never met anybody else who "measures up".
And then there's my sister. Her steady boyfriend of 3 years looks like a cross between Jude Law and Bryan Greenberg. I know I'm quite dumb for comparing all my achievements to hers all the time ...
But it's one of my driving forces in my life. My parents compare me to her all the time, and now I naturally feel like it's my call to outdo her in every aspect there is. I've always thought that she was this beautiful, sassy chick 'cause she's always so confident and all, but now, thinking back and really looking at her pictures, I think that I've overestimated her. Confidence is such an important virtue. If you don't have it - fake it.
But still, her bf is damn appealing. Not entirely my type and it's not like I'm lusting after him or anything, but hell yeah, someday I wanna be with someone who even outshines him.
(I think that as this point, everybody will think that I'm a foul-mouthed, twisted bitch. :p )
Err ... writing this, I feel like my old self again. I wasn't being Liz for such a long time now, trying to please everybody in my life and all that shit.
If anything, being nice to everybody is seriously shattering my confidence and causes weird identity crisises. Though I don't expect anybody to understand this, since I've never talked about it before.
Anyway, Suet is single now. Which is kinda weird, cause in all the time I've known her, she has never been single. Never.
As for me, I strongly believe that I'll be single for at least two more years or more, seeing how I'm so picky and sarcastic.
But I hold on to my own theory of 'If I can't get what I want, I'd rather not have anything at all.' *wink*
I WANNA WATCH SCARY MOVIE 4!
Monday, April 17, 2006 || Stuck in the middle of utter pointlessness
I couldn't be arsed to blog properly.
I think I lost the "momentum. Noooooooo ...
(not like anybody cares. haha!)
Anyway, my day was great. Went to my parents church in the morning, which sort of freaked me out 'cause they acted SO CLOSE and SO NICE to me in church, in front of everybody else. Oi mummy and daddy, what happened to your usual sarcasm?!
Majorly smirk-inducing man.
Then in the evening, I went for dinner with a friend, who did not act SO NICE and SO CLOSE to me in the restaurant, which is good. *grin*
And Nicholas asked if I wanted to work as a waitress in his cafe. ERRRR. I'm not particularly wary of the dude anymore since he stopped hitting on me ever since I only spoke english in his presence. Go figure.
But I dunno, the hours are a tad too long, from 10a.m to 10p.m. And I'll get, like, fat.
... Though then again, there IS the money factor to think about ..........
(BTW my mum's friend just got diagnosed with breast cancer. *gasps* .. And she's in a lot of shit now 'cause she isn't really financially well off and can't really afford the hospital fees etc etc. This kinda scares me a bit 'cause I'm so afraid to some day end up like her (CHOI!!!!!!!!!!!!!) and have no money. That's it, I wanna be rich.)
Anyway, since the lack of part-time jobs to do lately, I've been sorta playing with photoshop a bit.
I know that nobody's interested in my n00b photoshop ventures, but whatever. T.T
I know this doesn't look damn convincing or anything and I look like a pinched frog, but this's the first time I ever managed to photshop anything even remotely like this.
*yay*
The evil triplets. I hate the right one.
*jumps around in glee* (don't pop my balloon of satisfaction please! :( )
I know, I know, I really ought to lose, like 5kg or something.
But ... but ..... I couldn't be arsed. =((((
I did try eating less, but food is equivalent to having Brad Pitt do a stripdance in front of me.
They're both irresistable. Nyehehe.
Gah! My BMI used to be 18 back when I was still schooling and now it's 19. Wtf.
------
I watched The Wild a few days ago and one of the songs on the movie was SO nice.
It's Good Enough by Lifehouse.
I LOVE IT SO MUCH. I feel like it's written for me. =(((( Check out the lyrics
It seems the more we talk
The less I have to say
let's put our differences aside
I wanted to make you proud
But I just got in your way
I've found a place that I can hide ....
Now everything's changing
but I still feel the same
We're running out of time
What do I have to do,
To try to make you see,
That this is who I am ...
And it's all that I can be.
What do I have to do,
To try to make you see,
Trying to be like you ...
Isn't good enough for me.
I can totally relate to the lyrics. So much.
And frankly I think that a lot of people can, too. =(
PSPSPS: OMG I never laughed as hard as this in a long time. Watch this. OMG!
Sunday, April 16, 2006 || Another crossroad
- My dad gave me a freaking blood pressure bracelet for my birthday.
God, I was torn apart. I was feeling distressed and disappointed ... yet kinda amused.
Anyway
Went to Chilis with Christine and Suet Foong yesterday. =)
I have not seen Suet since CNY, it was nice to see her again and hang out like we used to. *emo*
Ex-partner-in-school and I.
Awww I missed those chat sessions. =(
This is a blah picture of me, but look! Chris looks so gorgeous.
Err ... me in chilis.
Chris's scrutinizing her own camera after camwhoring. Suet's looking dubious.
Fish 'N chips ... which was only so-so. =(
Chris and her humongous beef sandwich. :P
Must camwhore a bit ...
I like this pic, I dunno why.
And I played with photoshop a bit :D
Quite cool eh?
After exchanging a few emails with a newly-found old best friend of mine, I've come to the conclusion that I don't like her.
Erm ... I don't mean it in a really bad way. I'm just saying that she has become the type of person that I generally avoid.
She's become really really gorgeous (wah, this I'll admit), bimbotic and sorta narrow-minded. You know, the typical gorgeous cheerleader everybody loves and hates. And if it weren't for old time's sake, we wouldn't even be talking at all. O_o
So it suddenly hit me --- if she has evolved to become the type of person I don't really like ... It would probably be exactly the same for her, right?
God knows, maybe all my friends who've lost contact with me in the past will hate me so much if they see me now. I think I've changed quite a lot as well, nowadays I find myself feeling so overconfident at times I almost feel damn cocky.
Maybe many of them are, like, 'God, Eliza has grown up to be such a materialistic bitch. Ugh!'
Errrr ... that's quite interesting.
(BTW a chick I totally don't know beamed at me, waved and went 'HI!' to me at MV yesterday. Which is like, freaky. I mean, I could tell that she really recognized me, or she wouldn't be so friendly ... but I don't remember her. I just went along with the flow and pretended I knew her as well. I think I have amnesia. Shit.)
-------
I'm gonna go register at college next week.
But I'm sooooo confused right now!!!
I mean, I more or less decided on Mass comm ... but the more I think about it, the less potential I see in this course. God knows, I probably suck at PR and media/journo etc. I'm predicting that I'll do at least okay in 'em ... but who knows, right?
And tons of people are taking up mass comm, which means the competition is gonna be intense, man.
Then I started thinking about the money factor. I think that I'm quite an honest person, so I'll admit straight out that being rich is one of my goals in life. I wanna make shitload of money, cause my family is basically quite poor, and I don't have a financial foundation. To break out of our current "financial status", I'd have to make a LOT of money. -_-
And one of the only ways to do that is ... business. *eek*
Lotsa people tell me things like "money is not essential" and "I'm working for interest, not money" ... if you're working in a field that you LOVE and you're still roping in the cash, good for you. If you have insanely rich parents or a family business, good for you. =(
If you're just mediocre ... like me, and are not striving for something more ... then your kids will grow up in the exact same environment as you did, etc etc.
Of course money isn't everything. Far from it. But I wanna let my kids (if I don't get married I'll freaking adopt. bwahaha.) have all the things I did not. I don't want to pressure them into getting a scholarship OR ELSE be stuck in Malaysia forever. I want everybody that means something to me to have all the options that I don't.
I can't even begin to describe how much it SUCKS to see all your friends leaving Msia to study abroad, one by one. When it has always been your own dream to travel in the first place. Chris'll be the first to go ... Suet'll probably be the next. Then Ivy.
And I'll be stuck here in Msia. I love Msia, but I don't want to die not knowing what its like to live somewhere else. That's tragedy. =(
Blah. Damn emo.
So should I take up something that I'm sort of interested in but will probably not have that many opportunities in the future OR something that I'm not that interested in, but if I strike it well, I'll fulfill one of my dreams?
Something that'll require talent/creativity or something that'll require ruthless manipulation, cunning wit and brains?
I have SO MUCH thinking to do. =_=
Thursday, April 13, 2006 || Happy Birthday to me
- "Obligatory" Birthday Post
****edited****
- Erm, prior to my initial "fear", nobody important forgot my birthday ... *yay* Except my dad. Errrr.
- I hate PMS. One moment I'm feeling damn exuberant and cheerful, the next, I feel so gloomy I feel like hiding in the cupboard.
Song of the day: Gloria Gaynor - I will survive
Once upon a time, there was a chubby and "cute" girl born into a humble, average family.
...... Everybody loved her cause they claimed that she was cute albeit a bit too much of a crybaby. =(
She had a happy childhood, the happiest phase of her life ....
(BTW look at Pui Yee! SO cute! :D)
(I'm quite happy to know that I had friends whom I took pics with when I was 3 and are still good friends with them when I'm 18.)
... her family members and relatives all loved her dearly and even celebrated birthdays with her. She was the center of attention and she basked in it.
*OKAY enough of the 3rd-person story. damn lame*
See, I always liked kids. =D
Lookie, my favourite cousin brother!
..... Until he grew up and became a majorly annoying kid, who will ultimately grow up to become a jerk. Blah.
My 7th birthday!
IT REALLY SADDENS me that even when I was freaking seven, at least I had a party planned out. (Oklah, my parents were probably the ones who planned it :p )
Now I'm EIGHTEEN and I don't even know how I'm gonna celebrate my birthday, cept for that Friday dinner. And the potential end-of-the-month party. Bah.
... This is exactly how I'm feeling now. :'(
*graps a big roll of tissue and blows nose*
Ahh yes, back to my story.
Anyway, fast forward time to standard six or so because my childhood was amazing and quite normal. I spent all my evenings cycling around the neighbourhood and playing all kinds of weird games with a bunch of boys and girls. And during the weekends, I'd spend all my time cycling at Jaclyn or Pui Yee's place with their bunch of boy and girl friends.
Those were the days. Damn fun ok!
Then I converted to Fuglyism and darkness began to enter my life. Not to mention a whole load of problems I had so much trouble dealing with 'cause of the happy-go-lucky childhood I had...
... I got fatter. That was just the beginning.
(Chick beside me is childhood friend #123 whom I lost contact with. *grins*)
I had really fugly hair that until today, I don't understand how or why it ever got so fugly.
Everybody teased me and called me names 'cause I was fat and had weird hair. Ish.
(Oh, I spent the whole night trying to remember how I spent my birthday for the past 5 years ... AND I COULDN'T remember. Crap. Eh Chris, you can remember how I spent my f2 birthday ar)
(this is why I should've started blogging earlier. My memory really really sucks yo.)
.......... *coughs*
EVEN PUI YEE DIDN'T HAVE AN UGLY STAGE. Blah.
(btw, in case you were wondering why I was not that fat as I described, that was cause this pic was taken after I started eating 1/8 of my usual food. And lookie, still so yong sui anyhoo. Girls, this is to prove to you that diets don't work.)
Erm... yeah. The gang and I, back then. We hadn't met Cally yet.
...So I was the pathetic new girl with weird hair.
... And was the shortest and shyest among all my friends (WAH I'm surprised I had friends...), who were indefinitely more 'happening' than I was.
But somehow, some of them became my best friends. :D And accepted me for who I am.
This was taken in form 2... When "fugly" stage was starting to fade.
A BIT.
*cues music* Fast forward time again, and now you have the current me. -_-
Okay well, at some point of time in life, I used to think that my 18th birthday would be a helluva big deal, cause:
1) I'd be able to learn how to drive
2) I can drink booze legally
3) I CAN DATE WITHOUT ASKING FOR MY PARENTS PERMISSION
And now that I'm REALLY 18, I've realized that:
1) I don't give a damn about driving anymore cause my dad isn't gonna buy me a new car, or even let me use his Camry. So it doesn't make a friggin difference.
2) The first time I touched alcohol, I was 16. And I don't really like it anyway.
3) Since when have I ever asked for my parents permission ... ? (LOL)
*blergh* I wish I could postpone my birthday! I'm seriously not in my hyper party mood nowadays. I just feel like sleeping at home with a tub of cookies and cream ice cream. Hell yea, that'd make me really happy ...
Anyway, speaking of which, around this time last year, my biggest dream in life was to be an uber noble journalist who'd travel to unknown lands and warzones to make a difference in the lives of others .....
(I think that I was just deluding myself. I'm REALLY thankful to all those peeps who told me I could write well! *muakz* Thanks for layaning my dreams ... :P )
This year, I HATE to say it, but I seem to be more, erm, money-orientated. Suddenly, I feel like my biggest dream in life is to be a good ... mother. And a rich one.
(EEEKK SMACK ME, PEOPLE!)
I wanna be the parent I never had. (I don't mean to say that I don't have parents. I do. But I would never bring up my kids, adopted or whatsoever, the way my parents brought me up. If my kids wanted to see the world, I would never stop them.)
MWAHAHAHAHA.
Erm ... See Hoon's the first person who wished me happy birthday. Cool! Lookie, another sms!
My mood is improving .... :D
Oh yeah, I dyed my hair today. Cause it's a birthday present to myself yo.
WAH the stupid light made my left boob look bigger than my right!
... I don't care if nobody likes it. (My mum and dad thinks I look like a gangster's girlfriend. wtf) =(
I LIKE IT! ...... Sorta.
... One last camwhore picture thrown in cause ...
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. Yahoooo!
(though I must admit that I DO NOT feel older. At all.)
... Happy Birthday to me ...
Wednesday, April 12, 2006 || Horny men talk horny online.
- I can't begin to describe how much I dislike people who take too much advantage of today's technology.
First up, there are the people who find boyfriends/girlfriends online. I once had a friend who broke up every month or so ... and got a new boyfriend within a week. How is that even remotely possible?
Then she told me that she's not serious ... she only randomly chats up people in MIRC, friendster, etc etc for the heck of it.
-____-
I know everybody does it nowadays. Heck, I have done it before as well. But I just can't help it but to not like people who misuse friendster and whatnots so much.
(I must admit I am quite prejudiced in this. If I met a really good friend online, until we actually meet up in real life and hang out a lot, I wouldn't really acknowledge him/her as a good friend... In reality, I mean.)
There are just so many things that are tangible, and so many that are intangible. And I dunno, in my own opinion, starting a relationship ONLINE is something that's intangible.
Oh believe me, I should know. Once upon a time, my friend M and I discovered ICQ ... and the both of us created anonymous male accounts to prank our classmate, who irritated the pants off both of us with her overwhelming manjaness. After chatting with her a bit as guys, she started telling us her dirty secrets and how she was the cutest chick in my school, which caused my friend and I to puke out dinner on our keyboards and start laughing like hyenas.
.. And after a few days, I was getting bored and was about to reveal my identity to her, she told me she liked me and asked me to be her boyfriend. WTF?
Okay, that wasn't really noble of me to do, I'll admit ... but I'm just proving my point that when there are people like my friends and I around, the internet world is just INTANGIBLE. Unless of course, you've met in real life ... then I have nothing against it lah.
And then there are the people who break up with their other halfs via e-mails or SMS.
I know I'm guilty of this before ... but when I told my sis about it, she scolded me and asked me how would I feel if a guy dumps me via SMS, or via an email.
Oh my God, I would feel so shitty. It's so insincere and emotionless, can? You're not even giving me an opportunity to decipher for myself what you really feel about the break up, and not giving me a chance to demand why or just tell you what I really feel, on the spot. To comfort me and tell me it's okay, instead of not giving me a fair chance to respond.
You could say that it's the easiest way out, that you can avoid looking into your bf/gf's eyes and watching it tear up ... but it's just so irresponsible. Unless you're in a LDR, then you could at least use the phone.
Or you may say that you'd be able to express yourself better via written words ... That if you tried breaking up with him/her in real life, you'd end up choking up in tears and stuttering like Louis Koo in Recipe for the Heart.
Of which, the email would probably turn out to be something cliche like this:
Dear Chick,
I had a lot of fun with you in the past few months ... and I'll never forget those times. But I think that we should move on and meet other people. I will always think that you're special.
Love,
Jackass
Ah, but the internet has modernized a lot, hasn't it? Nowadays people express themselves better online, with the help of
Dear Chick ^_^,
I had a lot of fun with you in the past few months ... :D And I'll never forget those times. *insert emoticon of a duck nodding*
But I think that we should move on and meet other people ... ='( I'll always think that you're special ... *wipes tear*
Love, <3
Major Jackass
(to all potential boyfriends reading my blog, PLEASE don't do that to me. I'd either die laughing or bang my head into my comp screen... you may hate me a lot but you wouldn't want me dead, right?)
AND THEN there are the people who talk dirty online. Okay okay, I crap a lot with my friends online and in real life ... And I have fun acting dumb and horny. But I just can't stand it when a guy asks me out online, or flirts with me online (ESP if the dude is a real life friend. Eek).
I mean, come on, get some balls and talk to me in real life. I know I look damn unapproachable and can be quite sarcastic, but I don't bite!
(... hard :p )
And then there are guys who try asking me dirty things about myself online. There are some who hit on me online. There are some who drop really horny hints.
I HATE IT
There are no shortcuts, people. If you wanna seduce me, be it for a good cause or plainly because you wanna play a prank on me, do it in real life lah. If you're lucky, you'd "score" for real. If not, the most also you'll get a kick in the balls from me, right.
I mean, if I was a guy and I found out that my girlfriend secretly likes talking dirty to various men in online chatrooms ... Call me old-fashioned or biased, but I'd never be able to respect her again. =(
Of course, my worst experience ever was not online, it was the phone .... Ergh never mind.
Sometimes I just feel like I'm such a biased bitch. :P BUT I KNOW THERE ARE PEOPLE WHO AGREE WITH ME, RIGHT? Besides, everybody has their own opinions. If you have a discrimination against fat people (I am fat), I wouldn't hold anything against you. :D
Ergh I hate it.
I know my posts nowadays seem to be directed at horny perverts a lot. But you can't blame me. My life for the past two weeks or so has been so ...... Weird, at best.
I can't say whether I'm insanely grateful for all the drama or not.
EDIT: The main inspiration of my sudden burst of anger against people who misuse tech is 'cause my friend just got dumped by her asshole of a boyfriend via SMS. SMS! Can you believe it?
She is damn pissed and upset now, I barely know what to say to her. She then tried calling the dude but the dude won't pick up and instead sent her a "farewell" email.
Erghh that bloody dickface.
Go download Freaking you baby by the Jungle Brothers! Damn cool strip-dance song. (I just rewatched American pie just now. -_-)
Monday, April 10, 2006 || Another photo-laden, self-absorbed post.
- Tsk, I barely slept a wink last night.
...... Cause I was watching LOST's season 2 with Jaclyn, who succumbed to her lazy impulses and slept at 2, leaving me to drool at Sawyer and Michelle Rodriguez alone.
Now I'm just gonna post up many ugly and practically pointless pictures that serve no other reason except to prove how bored and self-absorbed I am.
(btw, I got like 5 hits or so that came in from google with "Amber Chia Playboy Sexy" searches... wtf?)
This is how I look like when I see Sawyer on the streets.
This is what I look like when any dude who's thinner than me proclaims that he has biceps. *smirk*
This is what I look like when I suspect that you stole my cookies.
This is my stupid face when I'm talking to a bloody tall guy, and I'm damn tak puas hati that I'm so much shorter.
This is my face when I saw that damned ghost in my damned mirror.
This is my miang face when I'm camwhoring.
This is my favourite pose, of which I AM THE ORIGIN OF IT.
I used to be damn obsessed with this pose. heh.
And obviously, I inspired many (go read my archives, haha).
(from Jin) :p
This is just to prove that my photoshop skills still got a bit of hope.
----- Camwhoring in Coffee Bean -----
I should stop prancing around in the sun.
This is Jac and Chris trying to look gluttonous.
(Jac got it, haha.)
This is my versatile "I don't know wtf you're talking about" face.
(photo damn dark, lazy to make it brighter)
( btw, all you people out there complaining about your weight should feel damn lucky that whenever you put on weight, it's not only in your face! Hey, I'd rather have a big fat ass than a chubby face ok.)
This is Jaclyn and Christine's versatile "I dunno wtf you're talking about" face. -_-
This is what we cooked for dinner yesterday. :D (Look, Fifi's in the pic!)
This is a picture of someone humping my Garfield. LOL
... This is what I want for my birthday. -_-
..... Or this:
Oklah cannot be THAT greedy.
Or this:
(Sawyer! *drools*)
HAHAHA!
Crap, I didn't notice that my birthday was NEXT
*gasps* What am I gonna do?!? I didn't even plan anything!
I know I know, I'm most probably gonna have a party at the end of the month (celebrating the same day with another friend, joint b'day party yo! :D) ... but takkan I don't do anything on my real birthday, meh?
Damn lame right. -_-
Anyway, I've realized (finally, haha) that my social life has been so STAGNANT for the past few months. I mean, among all my friends, I'm the only one that's still bumming and taking May intake.
The rest of my school friends, etc are already in college and are meeting so many new people and making new friends. =( While I barely see them anymore.
Suddenly, I can't wait for college to start. Heh. I wanna meet new friends! Anyone wanna meet me? Huhuhu *pathetic puppy dog face*
THIS is my face when everybody (including my parents) suddenly forgets my birthday. =(
Y'know, I actually kinda regret always ffk-ing people when they asked me out, or always declining when my ole' friends invited me out during their hols. I was SO lazy, satisfied and contented back then. And eager to just relax/work/yum cha/do nothing.
Now I want some action and everybody's suddenly so lazy. Eek.
Edit:: OHMYGOD, my dad just told me that a teenage girl got kidnapped around my neighbourhood. While she was walking on the streets at night, four guys grabbed her into a car!
... I'm never leaving my house at night. Again. Ever. -_-
Ughh sometimes I really hate men. And I don't mean only men ... sometimes I just hate humankind. I just fail to understand how some people can be so evil. Self-amusement? Greed? Lust? Bah.
