Thursday, November 03, 2005 || A trip down memory lane.
Hah, even my FRIENDS are talking about the whole XX and the disabled toilet issue lately. Sort of amusing, cause I never realized that they read blogs. Once again, I've underestimated the influence of the blogosphere, I guess. O.o
What was funny, however, was this conversation with my friend today ...
Friend: Serious ar, those people so free to fight over toilets?
Me: Um. Not really lah, I guess its just the whole disabled toilet thing.
At this point, I was expect my friend to snigger or make some kinda snide remark, but she merely widened her eyes and went, 'Serious shit? Hmmm .. Remember when I told you that I bumped into Amber Chia in the MV Jusco toilets?'
Me: Yeah?
Friend: WELL ... she was using the disabled toilets...... HAHAHA!
And I dunno why, at that moment, it was really funny ... Hahaha. Maybe Amber Chia and XX are friends or something. =P
***
My parents have recently decided to destroy take an interest in my COMPUTER (yes, they're computer illiterate...=/) and they're getting a tad TOO annoying, with their obsession with Ares and Nero. *sigh*
I mean, I appreciate their desires to learn how to, uh, download and burn music, but one thing I'm not --- I'm not patient. :( I mean, they deleted my whole The Beatles collection, GAH!!!
And when I asked them WHY on earth did they do that, they went, 'Oh, we thought you downloaded it for us, so after we already burned it, delete lor ... '
!!!!!!!!!!!!
Gah! Now I'll have to REdownload 'em all over again.
No idea why I love them. I used to think that they sounded really stupid, since they named their band after an insect and all, but really some of their songs are good stuff. Think Let it be.

Honestly, I think they're pretty cute. (Yea yea, I know that they're old and half of them are already dead) But if you can pull off that Rock Lee-Naruto style hair-do, you can pull off anything. =P
***
Um, no funny stunts in this post. In fact, it's going to be pretty serious (Since when could I EVER be serious?!). I don't know, since I've been reading my old diaries, I've realized that I'm growing old. :( Yup, I'm still only seventeen and I LOVE BEING YOUNG, but I've realized that I've gone a pretty long way. I think that over the years, I've been constantly changing ... And how?
I'm going to try to find out.
I shall post excerpts from my diary, and nope, not going to edit them even if the language sucks or whatever ... and RE-EVALUATE them again, as the person that I am today. I don't know, this feels like a pretty good timing to rediscover myself.
Year 2000 - Age: 12
10th of Novemer - 'Today is the last day of primary school. Unexpectedly, I felt a little sad. I just feel a little nervous and worried about Catholic High School. So much new things to learn. I'm kinda afraid. I think I'll miss Christine. (No, not the penyapu idol Christine ... My primary school best friend, Christine. O.o)I hate school, so happy its over. Maybe Catholic will be different...'
Mmm. Naive. I was naive. Reading that from my purple Hello Kitty diary ... I actually got quite scared. I mean, you know how they say, If you're a victim of Child Abuse, its most likely that you'll abuse your kids? Yup, life is a cycle... And seeing as how I hated my primary school, it probably led to my insane detest of my secondary school as well.
Which makes me think ... Will I hate college as well? :( I HOPE that I won't ... But I sort of think that I will. Hmph.
But. I left Catholic High. I guess I didn't know that when I was writing this ... But no regrets leaving CHS, in fact, staying there would have been DISASTROUS for me. I'm totally against most forms of Authority, and Catholic was strict as hell. And if I got into a verbal fight with the Catholic guard the same way I had a fight with the Assunta guard this year ... Wah, I think I'd be expelled already. O_o
Year 2001 - Age 13
September 11th (YES, THAT MEMORABLE DAY ... ) - 'World War!!! I'm now really REALLY scared!! I really don't want anybody to die! Mummy, daddy, sis ... Everybody in the world. And even myself. I'm only 13, I really don't want to die! Not yet, anyway ... God, HELP US! Amen.'
OKAY, so I REALLY FOUND THIS FUNNY. Obviously I was slightly delusional. O.o Obviously, I used to be more religious. And err, I think I used to be a better person? (Hey, give me credit for praying for you guys ler. :P Sheesh!)
Err. Nothing much I recall about 2001. A lot of back-stabbing and friend-snatching. Plus a few of my friends had somewhat lesbian tendencies, which majorly freaked me out. I remember sort of hating The Moffatt's makeover and their new songs ... But weirdly enough, I actually kinda like 'Bang Bang Boom' now. Yup, Changed, I have. :D
And just for the sake of making you guys puke.

*SIGH* Sadness fills my heart.
2002, pretty boring year. I couldn't find any interesting entries, which explains why I can't seem to remember much of the things that happened. Was still naive, innocent and delusional as ever.
Year 2003 - Age: 15
Mmm... it being my PMR year, I was pretty surprised that I didn't mention it much at all. Then I remembered. It was a turning point for me --- I started mixing around more, started going out and getting more rebellious, started questioning the authorities and boundaries in my life ... In short, I started having fun. :/ But, much to my surprise and utter shock, I managed to score a whooping straight As, while my two good friends studied like HELL and got only 6. Yes, the world is unfair. =/
29th August - 'Look, I'm a hypocrite. Does it bother you that I am? That cold reality just struck me. Hard. I woke up feeling happy, and suddenly, dark clouds and rain replaces the sunny afternoon, with the raindrops splashing on me, reminding me that nothing is what it seems. My so-called best friends? They won't be there for me, should I fall. Ever since I was born, I believe, I felt inferior. Now all this inferiority is boiling within me, waiting to erupt ... I don't want to know what will happen.'
This entry, I felt like I had to put it up, after shortening it. Mmm ... A bit morbid and dark, right? I guess I was just drifting ... But sad to say, that lost girl still lurks somewhere in me. Just that I'm stronger now, and I wouldn't let anybody give me shit anymore.
Definitely something to ponder about.
No point writing about 2004, cause I was almost the same as the 'current' me.
The Conclusion: The girl I used to be ... was naive and innocent. Terribly insecure and somewhat sweet (Well, at least I think so lah!). I've been a good girl, studying everyday and eagerly complying to all the school rules, mixing with only the 'good' kids.
But somewhere along the way ... my lifestyle changed. I guess I was bored, and I started seeking for more in life. So what if I got straight As for all my exams? The As couldn't be eaten. (Okay, lame pun. :P) And, well, I discovered my love for taking risks, cause I seem to REALLY like the 'high' and anticipation that comes along with it. I've realized that I did have true friends, cause they didn't exactly throw me aside when I went through some pretty horrible stuff last year.
I learned that I could be manipulative whenever I really wanted something. O.o All of a sudden, I grew more and more egoistic and narcissistic ... Just that in real life, I manage to channel that into humour, so people are not annoyed by it. =P I don't give two cents about people critisizing me appearance-wise, cause I actually sort of worship myself though I know that there's nothing about me that's outstanding, but I can't seem to handle criticism of my abilities and personality. :(
I remember one fateful time at school, a pretty good friend indirectly insulted my parents for 'allowing me to stray' and 'causing my downfall in my studies' (Hey, that was one of the few times when somebody pissed me off so bad, I felt like demonstrating my fists of fury ... Insulting me is one thing, but I can't tolerate bad-mouthings of the people I love. =/). I resisted the urge to throw my water bottle at her, and I only smirked and lashed out a couple of sentences back at her. Which caused her to fume and tell our whole group of friends that I was a bitch ... -_- But, that was the desired effect. :P
It just shows that I pissed her off more than she did me. Hohoho.
Sort of irrelevent, huh.
That's why I seem to find myself drawn to people that are non-mainstream. Hey, I have friends who smoke ... and I do know a few of them who have done drugs before, but it doesn't mean that I have to be like them to be friends with them. These friends are the ones that I can count on, should I get myself dragged into any forms of weird shit.
Anyway, I do know that this post is boring and stupid. But, it IS something that I'd want to read, say, ten years down the lane. So it's necessary. Hehe!
On a lighter note, however, the best friend Jaclyn forbad me to 'whore' my blog. And when I asked her Why, she went, 'You Ass, if your stupid blog gets famous like kinkybluefairy or whomever, later people see us asks us to take picture how?'
To which I replied ... 'Take lor. What's the problem?'
Jaclyn: "I should've been like Christine, PY and the rest, who insisted that they didn't want to be mentioned on your blog ... I'm so stupid. I tell you ar, I'm going to fuck you if my friends saw that stupid bryanboy pic, or if people ask us to pose like the praying mantis or whatever shit."

HAHAHA ... I like this picture. I should make it my trademark pose or something. =P What say you?
And just for the heck of displaying some extra eye candy puke-inducing candy ...

Wah. Sometimes I even surprise myself. -_-
Phat Culture had a nightmare at 3:40 PM
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