Friday, October 28, 2005 || The blogosphere is screwed up.
- I THINK that there's a pretty high possibility of me quitting blogging altogether.
You know why?
*inhales*
Because the blogosphere is a pretty stupid place.
Because it's changing me. I've allowed something I don't care about, a mere passtime and a mere hobby get to me. I've lost my originality (or so I think. Unless I've never been original at all in the first place - boo hoo.). I'm starting to be affected by all the crap that I'm reading, which, in the first place, I started reading cause it provided me entertainment.
You people are vicious. =/
No, this is not about the overrated xx incident, though it's partially connected to that. This is about me. If something I read on the internet actually pisses me off ... I can only conclude that I'm going looney. :)
And typing out this post by itself, I DO realize that I'll lose whatever little amount of readers I have ... But I'd rather that happen instead of me hating myself for not voicing out, for not being me.
I can't actually believe that in a convo with Swifty, I actually agreed and said that I'll go all out to 'sell' my blog once I have slightly more time on my hands. Because, what struck me was the fact that many of these 'famous' bloggers get writing jobs because of the popularity of their blogs ... and I figured, 'Hey, what makes me any lesser than them? If they can do it ... So can I.'
Which is utter proof that blogging may not really be good for me. See, you know that you're majorly screwed when you're actually reconsidering to grasp for your dreams by travelling the easy lane. Come to think of it, the last time I actually wrote something constructive was the time I got all emotional and wrote a story dedicated to Laura Pausini's song. Which was pretty long ago. o_O
See, I'm apprehensive about being too 'caught up' in the blogosphere 'till I forget my roots. My style. My goals. The person I am.
In fact, you guys are so vicious it's almost scary. It's scary because it makes me realize that if I were to be in that situation, I'd be malicious.
I realize that I'm a Malaysian and that I live in KL (thus, probably easier for people to bash me up should they ever see me, thanks to my constant camwhoring), but I'll have to admit that if I were XiaXue, I'd rip off everybody's pants and set them on fire. Yes, even if it was my fault in the first place ... I'd apologize. And maybe apologize again. But if people were to delve deeper and dig up all my skeletons, causing me to lose something important in my life, I'd bite back. Hard.
I thank my lucky stars that I'll never be as influential as her. O.o Not in this manner, anyway.
I love challenges ... I really love it. There's this hunger in me that really urges me to grasp for the impossible, just for the sake of proving myself, and others wrong. But as of today, I've never done anything REALLY that bad yet, besides shoplifting and cursing, but those were in the distant past anyway. I guess there IS something good in me that keeps me from falling off the cliff, after all.
I'm only seventeen, but thus far, I've learnt a lot from Life itself. I've learnt not to love money too much - because when you do, you'll never get enough of it. I've learnt that being poor does have its ups - I enjoy myself, even amidst all that simplicity and constant lack of material things. I've learnt not too depend on ONE sole thing too much - for everything and anything in the world could go wrong. Yup, somebody 'famous' seemed to have made this mistake.
Then again, who am I to say all this? I'm just a pathetic seventeen year old student who doesn't attend school on a regular basis. I have no reason whatsoever to make others listen to what I have to say. Scoring the highest in English in class is not enough, not while everybody thinks that I'm a screwed up product of the Malaysian Education System anyway.
I may be camwhorish, bimbotic and a bitch ... But that's just who I am. I'm a camwhore who secretly writes love poetry in the middle of the night, with Richard Marx blasting on my radio. I'm a bimbo who dreams of one day making a difference in the world, regardless of my lazy behavior. I'm a bitch who loves to write, and hopes to one day be a journalist with a good cause.
I love the fact that I'm not flawless. For in all my flaws and imperfections ... I'm me. For whatever that's worth, I like to think that I DO have integrity. I'd never betray myself to please other people. I like speaking my mind, though that is probably bad for me.
Yup, I may be a bitch. (Though actually, come to think of it, nobody has actually told me that to my face before ... ) Therefore, I'm not interested in other people like me. Pun intended. I'm not that free to care about dramas and other people's affairs. Heck, if you people actually bothered to notice, there are millions of hungry people around the world. And I'd rather campaign for the environment or for endangered animals any day of my life. Sarcasm intended.
Not that I do righteous stuff like that. I don't. It's just a comparison.
And as for letting a mere blog toy with your emotions ... Err, well, I thank God that I have a stubborn mind of my own, and reading what is penned down by others isn't going to change my stand that easily.
But the fact that I got annoyed, that I let something so silly get on my nerves, makes me think that even that may change. And no, I don't like changing my mind.
That's why I'm afraid of being labeled a blogger. Let me be a writer --- Either that, or nothing else. Yup, I'm not talented nor do I possess amazing language skills ... But, oh well, that won't stop me. I'm still a journalist-wannabe. :/
I don't really know, nor do I care, where is this blog going to go after this. I think I should just focus entirely on entertaining myself, and making friends.
Which brings me to the point, I think that attempting to stay at home for too long is BAD for my brain cells. I have wanderlust. When I'm confined in a place for too long, chances are I'd go cuckoo.
And I think that is happening to me now.
No more blog reading for stupid Lizzy. I think I should really get back to my usual routine, what I used to do before I started jotting my crap away on this useless platform of mine. Right now, all the books that are left untouched on my bookshelf seems very appealing.
And I can't stay at home, or in front of my comp any longer. That's why I HAVE to go to the mamak with my friends tonight.
Still love you people though, whoever you are.
And really, I don't bite ...... hard. :P
