Tuesday, November 15, 2005 || I'M ALIVE!!!
- I'm alive!
*gasp*
Shit, BM was horrible. So horrible that I don't even want to talk about it. Right now, I'm in a state of total delusion and refusal to grasp the horror of reality. Yeah, it was bad.
But of course, due to the fact that I was rather numb throughout the exams ... I know not of how well or badly I did. To cut things short ... I guess I wouldn't be surprised to fail, neither would I be surprised if I got an A. Though the latter is definitely a lot more appealing.
I always knew that I'd be screwed during SPM, granted that I almost never study at all. And one thing about me ... I never regret. Hmm. Even failing my physics and all that jazz ... I CAN go through it. God bless me, may I not fail anything, though.
The worst part of it all is my insomnia ... I mean, usually, I can sleep, but somehow, during exams, whether I care about it or not, my body automatically goes into EXAM mode. Which means no sleep. And even with goddamn SLEEPING PILLS, I can't sleep either.
SPM kills ... I'm beginning to think that that the phrase might actually apply to me, as strong as I proclaim myself to be.
And to make things worst ... here is a simple story of what happened today. See, the usual gang of mine (school gang, not my usual gang) hung out during the 2 hour interval after our BM papers. And naturally, we crapped a lot lar. And one of my good pals (though after today probably not very good edi :( ), let's christen her Babe, got severely pissed by The Sweet Ivy and me by this very simple conversation.
Babe: I'm going to majorly DIET after SPM.
Me: What the heck for lar? You're so thin, if you diet somemore, you'll look aneroxic, like stick only.
Babe: I WANT to look that thin .......
Me: .......
Ivy: Dude ar, how can you be so thin? DeeDee (her boyfriend) will look so fat beside you ler.
Me, babe and everybody else: ....... *cues warning sirens*
Ivy: Yeah lar. You know, last year, I recorded a video record with my video camera on how Eliza said he should go for Marie France.
Me: WTF??!?! (I actually REALLY don't remember saying it, believe it or not. -_-)
Ivy: Yeah. Don't deny larrrr, I have the video!
Babe: *puts on an OMFG! face and saunters off*
Shit, and when I came online just now, her boyfriend's nickname was 'HEH ... Stupid bitches. I'll get my revenge when the time comes. You guys know who you are. =)' or something like that.
WHAT. THE. *BLEEP*.
Great. Another addition to the list of people who hate me. (Actually, I dont think the list is that long ... But now there's definitely two people on it, hah.) To think that SPM was bad enough ... Now I've probably lost a friend, 'cause Babe is known to be ultra sensitive, and gained a possible enemy.
*wails*
And to top it off, I COULD NOT FUCKING FIND MY REVISION BOOK for The pearl. Which means, I'm pretty much clueless about its settings, themes and whatnots.
You know, I've always sort of thought that English was a sure A for me. But seeing as how my english has severely deteriorated rated over the past two months, I'm not sure anymore. And now that my literature is screwed, there goes another A down the drains.
I really, really feel like crying. :( But I don't usually cry ... Crying makes me weak, doesn't it? I really want to cry. But the tears won't come, I'm just not used to crying. And crying over spilled milk makes me feel so ... weak.
Sometimes, I wish I didn't feel the need to be so tough. I wish that I could just brawl my eyes out and release all this stupid, unnecessary frustration in me. I know that even if I fail my SPM (TOUCH WOOD, I guess.), I wouldn't cry.
I need a hug. *sniffs* Someone hug me? Please?
I havent studied History yet either. I don't think I'll sleep at all tonight. Great, there goes two lovely nights of slumber. My stamina is going to reach its limit soon.
On a more positive note, however, Andy called me up and gave me almost all the moral values, themes and such for our Lit paper. *WIPES IMAGINARY TEARS* THANKS WEI!
I feel so bad, its not even my credit. :( And you may have just saved my life with that call, dude.
Friends are good.
HUG ME, PEOPLE! ......
