Saturday, October 22, 2005 || Liz can be XIAXUE, SWIFTY, or ANY famous blogger, because she OWNS.
- Presenting a VERY-BERRY SPECIAL POST, brought to you by The Fat Liz.
I'm in a bitchy and cheeky mood today, per se. And I figured, since everyone else is doing it ... why not let The Lovely Liz have some fun of her own?
LET ME IN ON THE FUN!
Fasten your seat belts, and be amazed by my beautiful, electrifying eyes, chubby cheeks, killer sense of humour, and witty tongue.
Disclaimer: No bloggers were hurt in the making of this post. :) Myself, inclusive.
One fine day, Lizzy wakes up and realizes that she was possessed the previous day by evil spirits, and finds her hair CURLED, therefore producing a bimbotic and airheaded version of her.
She is distressed.
And while shocked at her bimbotic reflection, she realizes that her brain cells are STILL WORKING, and tries to come up with a redemption plan.
She thinks ...........
And thinks ..................
After a few short hours, she got enlightened.
As most of you already know (well, if you've been following this blog, that is :P ), Liz dreams of becoming a big-time journalist one day. Possessing the talent to be a writer is one thing ... But Liz as a blogger?
That's ultimately another story altogether.
So she decides to prove how VERSATILE, FLEXIBLE and CREATIVE she is, by imitating various bloggers.
And so she does.
BRACE YOURSELVES, MY LOVELY PEOPLE!
Liz can be Swifty.
Ah. Eliar Swiftfire. The almost-famous one who got 'advertised' by Minishorts. The intelligent one who jumped at the opportunity to guest-blog for Minishorts. (You have a Minishorts fetish, Swifty? :P ) The aspiring film-maker, who's well known for his film-writing endeavours and flawless narcissism.
The one who apparently submitted me for a CHUBBY CHEEKS contest.
WHO SAYS I CAN'T BE AS FLAWLESS AS HIM?
I swear, I am the most beautiful creature to ever grace planet earth.
My Goddess-like beauty, enhanced by my Shu Qi-esque lips. If I were a guy, I'd seduce myself. I'd kill to even TOUCH those wavy locks.
Now, I even produce films. And my works of art gets featured on prestigious sites such as Rojaks, LiewCF, and God-Knows-Where-Else.
People love it and they love me. My biggest flaw is that of which I am practically flawless. That is why everybody loves me. And if they hate me, they secretly want to BE me.
So says the Great Lizzy.
Liz can be Bryan Boy.
Big-time blogger who's more famous than Kenny Sia, and has more male fans than XiaXue.
So influential that he influenced HUNDREDS of people, with his trademark pose.
NOW WHO SAYS I CAN'T BE LIKE HIM?
I am equally beautiful, narcissistic, and I love branded handbags as much as he does okay!!
Of course, don't exactly have the money to splurge.
BUT I CAN STILL BE LIKE HIM. For I am Liz. And Liz is a Goddess. Just a rather broke one at that.
(Disclaimer: Don't really want to come off as offensive, so I shan't linger too long on BryanBoy, cause I'm his #1 fan. THINK I'M GAY? Sue me. :P)
Liz can be like XiaXue.
(Note the usage of 'like' in this case, because I can't imagine actually BEING her.)
My hair is fucking nice today. Like, the ends of my hair aren't split. My nails are bee-yoo-tee-full too.
You know how I feel? I feel so sexy and pretty, I should go pee in some disabled people's toilets.
Why, cannot issit?
It's my bladder. I CAN FUCKING PEE WHEREVER I WANT, AND I CAN FUCKING WRITE ABOUT IT IN HERE, CAUSE IT'S MY BLOG.
NABEH.
And oh, by the way, Adobe photoshop is my GOD. Like, I can't go for ANY photoshoots WITHOUT photoshoping my beautiful face into perfection. Because, well, stupid people wouldn't be able to appreciate my beauty before me actually sculpting my face with a software beforehand.
*rolls eyes*
I swear, some Malaysians are so stupid. Like, I should totally take advantage of everybody's stupidity and create a new religion. LIZZY-ISM.
And in my religion right, everybody must dye their hair blonde and paint their nails red okie?
Okie?
*sweats*
I have proven my point that I own.
I feel so Goddamn lame.
BUT THAT WAS FUN!
Call me an ass. Flame me, mock me, worship me.
And some last words for the day:
(Disclaimer: She doesn't smoke. It's just a joke. :P)
I LOVE MY FRIENDS ALMOST AS MUCH AS I LOVE MYSELF, BIMBOTIC HAIR AND ALL.
After all the shit I just proclaimed, I better not be visiting any disabled people's toilets anytime soon. O_o
