Tuesday, August 22, 2006 || Untitled, part 3
- Okay, so most people know that I'm possibly one of the people on earth with the highest infection of what I call, the "I-don't-give-a-shit" disease.
Very very few things actually bother me much in real life. I mean, yeah, I'll admit that I have a really short fuse and I get annoyed pretty easily, and that it's oh-so-easy to leave me a bad impression of you ... but unlike other people, I somehow don't get really emo over most problems. Even really important, life-changing stuff. Like how I wasn't really affected when I suspected that my parents were on the verge of getting a divorce.
I mean ... it's just me.
And quite frankly, I find my life a lot easier living that way. Because of my easygoing mentality of the screwed-up world, I'm not as easily affected by what other people say about me ... Nor am I too hard on myself whenever I screw up. I do try to please people, sometimes, but most of the time, I pretty much come first.
But besides all that, I feel really and emo-ed out like hell whenever I see a sad person.
And today, I could that many people were sad, over something I'm not proud of and shan't blog about. The worst part was that I was supposed to be as sad as, or even more sad than them. But honestly, I was pretty unaffected.
I'm not really good with words; what do you even say to people who're in low spirits, anyway? Even words of comfort and care'd sound cheap. And somehow not enough. Or maybe you could just say that I don't even know what to say.
I'm more of a 'touch' person, and seriously, I just wish I had the liberty to hug people who look sad whenever I could, cause it'd make me feel better as well. But I can't, for obvious reasons.
So what else can I do, besides flashing them a small smile and a withering gaze, hoping that the telepathic message of 'hey, I care... ' (which is something less fake than the usual 'everything's gonna be alright', since most of the time, bad things just can't vanish in thin air) would be transmitted across. Somehow.
I'm kinda confusing myself now, actually. If I really don't give a shit at most drama/chaos/whatnots anyway, why do I feel sad at someone else's misery? Which actually, has nothing much to do with me, right?
Oh, speaking of hugs, I SO need one now. =(
But there's always the next best thing: hanging out at mamak stalls with real friends :)
EDITED: oh I almost forgot ... the first guy I was ever closest to being in love with ... his birthday is today. How fitting eh? O_o
Happy birthday, dude. I'm sorry I lost my phone and I lost your number. Wtf. And I swear I foresee us spending many of your future birthdays together. HAHAHA
Okok, crappy Liz is still around. Emo Liz, begone!
