Saturday, July 29, 2006 || I'm HELD BACK, man
- Okok, actually I memang damn bersemangat and wanted to blog everyday wan. (wtf)
Anyway, two days ago, Jaclyn was at my house, coz she had nothing better to do than spend the day stoning with her best friend. Then, she was reading this stupid black book my mother keeps beside the computer, which she writes trivial stuff like people's phone numbers and shit in.
Then there was a page that she actually wrote all her "Frequently Visited Websites". And somewhere in the middle of the list, Jaclyn found this written there:
www.suemefordreaming.blogspot.com
Yes, dearies, that is my blog.
WTF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Jaclyn showed it to me and I was totally shocked. I swear to God.
Yes, it IS that bad. =( I quickly tore the page off and prayed she didn't memorize the freaking url or something like that.
Okay okay, see, the cool thing about having a blog is so that I get to openly express myself, and not expect to get shit from people in doing so, since it IS my blog. And if people wanna read how I jot down my life experiences and honest opinions, despite how offensive or bitchy they may be, I'm totally cool with that. In fact, I'll be happy if my friends knew about my blog and read it, though I barely talk about blogging or my blog at all in real life.
But my mother?! For the love of God, I even openly wrote about that horrible fight I had with my dad not too long ago, and if I fought with him (or anyone, for that matter) again, I would undoubtedly write about it again. Cause even negative stuff are a part of my life, and this blog IS a story of my life.
So for all I know, assuming my mum reads my blog, she prolly gasped at what I wrote and yelled at my dad to come read it as well.
AHHHHHHHHHH T________T
Come to think of it, I honestly have no idea who on earth is lurking around my blog. o_O For all I know, I might've called somebody a bull fucker here before, and that person reads my blog. In all honesty, I don't think that I'm a bad person and I'm not out to hurt anybody --- thus if, for example, I found out my dad reads my blog, I'd definitely stop writing anything about him anymore.
Which means I'm held back. And what is the point of having the blog again, then? The whole idea was to record my life and everything I'm going through in life AS THEY ARE. My life, uncensored.
o_O The idea of my parents reading my blog is weird. I can't swallow it.
Anyway, remember the post in which I confessed that not too long before this, I liked a really weird-but-nice guy? A kinda good friend of mine just confessed to me this afternoon that she likes him. o_O
Okay, it's not like I like him anymore. But she knew I liked him, and I have never told her that I'm over him. Which makes things weird, cause I couldn't help but think, Hey is that what friends do to each other?
I don't own him and I obviously can't stop her from liking him (who can?), but *I* would NEVER even go near a guy that a friend of mine likes. Even if I was interested. I'm sorry, but I think that as a friend, the least I could do is to leave the guy my friend likes alone.
I dunno, maybe I'm the only one who thinks that's something wrong with the whole picture. Or maybe she assumed that I wasn't interested anymore. I wouldn't know.
But if she wasn't aware that I'm not interested in the guy anymore, if she still "knows" that I like him, and she still threw herself at him ..... Well. =/
I dunno, maybe I'm just being overly naive, cause I REALLY value friendship a lot. This confession kinda sucks, but I think I treat my friends better than how I treated my ex-es. There are a lot of things I would do for a friend, and a lot of things I wouldn't do to a friend ........ and liking a guy my friend likes, and then gleefully telling her about it, is something I wouldn't do. =(
Ah well. I guess I'll just close one eye and let it slide by me - after all, it's not like I like him anymore. And I THANK God for that, cause if I still liked him, I think I'd be too stubborn and pissed to give him up to her so easily. Which would mean a MAJOR catfight. :D Heehee.
Blah, I wanted to post up pics, but the idea of my mum seeing them is too weird. Or my dad. Or maybe even my sister wtf.
