Friday, March 31, 2006 || My sexy new hair kicks ape butt
- *gloats*
I LOVE my new hair.
If you've read my previous camwhorish post, you'd know that I didn't sound that positive about it.
But today, after washing and shampooing my hair thoroughly, I found out that it turned out exactly how I wanted.
Camwhoring in the same saloon that I cut my hair at yesterday, waiting for bestie Jaclyn to finish her haircut.
Okay, I know I look bad here, but look at my hair!
My fringe!
It was what I wanted, the sexy, slanted, shadowed-eye look!
(Of course, I do not, in any way look sexy in that pic. Grr.)
I would post a pic of Jaclyn and I with her spanking new 'do, but she kinda hates her new hair (UNLIKE ME! :D) thus she'll kill me if I uploaded it on my blog.
I love my hair! *smiles* I'm a happy happy girl. =) If you think my hair (or me) is fugly, don't tell me, can? Don't potong stim, yo!
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I have an insane snooker/pool addiction, of late. I think it's partly due to the fact that during my trip to Frasers, my friends and I failed to finish one bloody game in the resort's pool room in four hours. Yes, we are that bad.
So I've been trying to play more pool lately to brush up my skills. =) Anyone care to take up the challenge of teaching me some kick-ass snooker skills?
Just now, while playing snooker:
*red ball goes in after five rounds of not achieving shit*
Me: *squeals with glee* YES!
Friend: You just got lucky, hahaha!
Me: WHAT LUCKY? It's real skills man. Call me the Queen of pool! *laughs out loud, everybody in pool center stares at me as though I just sneaked out of Tanjung Rambutan*
Friend: Errrr, I hate to burst your balloon of perasan-ness, but we're actually playing SNOOKER here, not pool .........
Me: What? OH. Oops.
-_- You people just watch, I'll be pro at both snooker and pool! ...... Someday.
And oh oh oh, don't you just love my new blog layout? =D
The banner is freaking nice for a product of a photoshop n00b, right? I downloaded a few really nice brushes just now and made that new banner on impulse. Then I thought, what the heck, I might as well change the whole color theme of my layout. :)
I think it's my favourite layout to date. Yuenqi helped me out a lot with the oh-so-confusing HTML codes, though. Thanks, dude, you're the best at everything graphics/HTML-related crap. =)
I so love it. I'm a happy girl! :D
Thursday, March 30, 2006 || Random pictures, and camwhoring pictures of my new hairdo.
- I'm not sure if I like all of their songs, but Il Divo's members have AMAZING voices. Everytime I listen to their songs (try Everytime I look at you *swoon* and When a child is born), I get shivers.
If a guy with such a lovely voice sings to me, I swear I'll marry him. I will even stoop as low as to propose to him. *drools*
Anyway, pictures pictures. I yawn everytime I read my own blog nowadays 'cause there are no pictures. I am a visual person, yo!
Pics from SG:
Mummy and I in Changgi Airport while waiting for my sis.
In a dressing room. It's a clothing shop called E-base, I think, in Marina Square (ERR, I'm not sure. It's the shopping mall that's connected to Pan Pacific hotel, anyway.). Clothes there quite cheap! (they were on sale)
But aren't you glad I didn't buy that skirt? -_-
In I-can't-remember-what's toilet.
A patronizing picture of a delicious double-scoop ice cream.
Yum Cha + Pool Session with Cally
Anyway, met up with Cally this evening!
(You must know that I haven't seen her in three weeks, hence the excited tone.)
And she brought her boyfriend along. I know, I'm pathetic + single ... but now I'm also a third wheel! :'(
Anyway, met up with Cally this evening!
(You must know that I haven't seen her in three weeks, hence the excited tone.)
And she brought her boyfriend along. I know, I'm pathetic + single ... but now I'm also a third wheel! :'(
One of my favourite girls on the right. My favourite girl on earth on the left. HAH!
I know, I know. We look like shit with flash.
We played pool, and it turns out that Cally's bf, Marcus, is bloody good at it! I proclaim myself impressed.
I've been sort of a pool nut lately. Suddenly, I find that I just adore playing pool. Though I still suck at it, heh.
My
I cut my hair today. I got bored of my boring old hair-do, which has been the same for almost a year, so I cut it.
I LOVE it! Because:
1) It is sorta what I wanted. But uh, I hate it for being too short. Usually my hair's long enough to cover my boobs, and now it's above my boobs! It just goes to show how much shorter it is now.
2) I now have a fringe. Though my fringe is quite long.
(I ALMOST did a horrible thing: I nearly cut my fringe into the super straight china doll style. I would look like shit in it. So thank God I didn't follow my stupid impulses and curiousity.)
3) I don't have a choice but to love it. I mean, I could bitch about it and whine all night long, but what the heck, my hair ain't gonna grow back.
It's not that bad anyway. Really.
BEHOLD, MY NEW JU ON-ESQUE HAIR-DO THAT SORTA SUCKS BUT I ABSOLUTELY REFUSE TO THINK THAT IT SUCKS, CAUSE I SECRETLY LOVE IT AND AM TOO HUMBLE TO OPENLY ADMIT IT.
Right.
At least now I can "master" my trademark scary poses slightly better.
Anyway, since I haven't camwhored in so long, I was quite "awed" at my new hairdo and decided to take fugly pictures to celebrate.
I'm good at this. Trust me.
What the hell, I'm REALLY good at this.
Enuff.
An irritating picture of my left eye for no reason whatsoever:
Eh, I don't use fake lashes, and I realized it's damn hard to curl eyelashes with only mascara.
Then I switched off 'fugly' mode and switched on 'act cute' mode.
Failing, of course.
Yoyo, check out the first time Liz isn't wearing black!
(In case you were wondering, I was raiding my wardrobe and trying to device new "styles" to wear, cause I'm quite bored of my typical 'black T shirt + jeans' or 'black spaghetti + skirt' combos. So typically me.)
(Of course, I still wouldn't be seen in public wearing something like the above and below pictures.)
I know I look weird, but how I wish I dared to wear that in public. My friends would all be SHOCKED out of their wits, man.
It's like ....... Jaclyn wearing a frilly pink skirt and lacey pink sweater.
Or like Christine wearing a bikini to her church.
I know.
Poser.
And experimenting with photoshop a bit:
I KNOW I will never be good at photoshop. NEVER.
I still wanna change my layout and banner, though. (I know the current banner is annoying. It's supposed to be that way, to urge me to make a new one faster.) I think I'll change my background from black to white! :D
How's that for a transformation?
Anyway, I DO love my new hair but I'm soooo gonna leave my hair longer again. My boobs feel so insecure when there's no hair covering them, yo!
LOL, that sounded quite wrong...
Wednesday, March 29, 2006 || I so need an orgasm now
- Can you fucking believe it, I've been working from 3pm till NOW. Which is, like, 11 p.m.
I remember how I was going on about how this job was peasy-easy yesterday, I TAKE THAT BACK. I'm merely only supposed to fill in their database with informations that they give me, but there are so many friggin' mistakes and blanks, I actually have to go look up and create those infos myself.
Do I look like I'm knowledgeable at environmental clauses and crap?! DO I?
What the fuck man. I'm so tired, confused and sleepy I can't help but utter what the fuck, even though I once swore that I'd stop swearing. KNNCBMCH.
I know I sound like a spoiled brat, but I seriously don't get how some people can survive in a job that requires them to be IN FRONT OF THE DAMNED COMPUTER all day long. It's so boring and my eyes are like @_x now.
And to think that the only reason I was so gung ho in doing this was because initially, my eyes were like $____$. But hell yeah, I like the cash.
Anyway, since this post is going to sound bimbotic no matter what, anyway ...
When I was in Singapore, my cousins gave me 9 bottles of nail polish. All different colours, and one bottle costed like 18$ or something.
I LEFT IT ALL IN SINGAPORE. I DIDN'T BLOODY BRING MY PRECIOUS ONES BACK TO KL WITH ME.
Allow me to vent my frustration at myself.
KNNCBMCHSHITCOWFUCK.
One bottle = $19. So assuming I can get the same ones here in KL for, maybe 30 bucks? (or more)
Rm30 x 8 = Rm240
OMG I LEFT RM240 IN SINGAPORE. That's like, equivalent to a chance to dye my hair blue! Or to, I dunno, have a blast in Genting!
Okay, don't mind my sudden money-mindedness and materialistic train of thought. The theme of the month for March and April is: Money
That's cause when I'm in college, my parents are probably not gonna give me allowance since the college fees are such a bitch. So it's time for me to fatten up my piggy bank with dope so that I won't starve. (Though I really should. Starve, I mean.)
Anyway, speaking of nail polishes. (I KNOW, I'M A BIMBO. *does bimbo hand wave* Whatever~)
When i was in my cousin's beauty saloon in SG, guess who came in?!
GUESS!
REALLY, GUESS!
...
.............
JOJO STRUYS' FATHER!
*falls off chair laughing* Okay, that was lame. I barely even know who Jojo Struys in, though I think she was the actress for Salon and is supposed to be quite a looker. =_=
Tuesday, March 28, 2006 || I am the queen of stupidity
- I brought my "work" home with me.
Oklah it's really a very easy task. I don't need to do much, though I'll have to say that I'm quite grateful I know how to read chinese.
Actually, I'm not gonna work for long. I'm only gonna work for this environmental health company for a few days until their so-called big big china project is finished. And most of the stuff I need to do is on the internet anyway, so they allowed me to work at home as well since I have internet connection.
If I read another line of 'Physical injuries caused by unloading of DG bla bla' again, I swear I am going to puke. But at least its not as bad as in the office, I get to take my own sweet time chatting on MSN and listening to music!
I'm so stupid though. I dunno how will they pay me when I'm working at home. 6 bucks per hr, but how the heck will they know how long did I work?! I can rush my work and complete it in 1 hr and bluff them that I worked for 6 hours right?!
Please pardon my seemingly stupid train of thought. I am so bored, huhuhu.
So I called a friend just now, since I was so busy and didn't talk to her for so long.
"Hellooooo, how're you?" (me)
"Oklah. What you doing nowadays man?"
"I'm working... *blabbers on about boring life*"
"Ohh ... quite nice wat"
"Wanna go watch V for Vendetta tomorrow? I haven't watch gah"
"Sure, I'm quite the free also"
"... I told you I was working right. Do I look like a type of person who'd ponteng work to watch a movie?!?"
"..... DUH."
"*silence*"
*....... Silence ..... *
Ok people, let's all take a few minutes of silence to medidate and absorb the importance of what my good friend has just implied.
*ohmmmmm......... *
I'm calm. :)
I still wanna go watch V for Vendetta!
*smacks self with smelly salted fish*
Okok, I'll continue doing my work lah. -_- The main reason I'm so rajin right now is because I only have to more files to complete, I'm supposed to do them tomorrow, but if I finish one today I have less crap to do tomorrow!
Sometimes I feel like patting myself on my own back in awe of my own uncanny smartness. Of course, my arms are probably the size of my fat face by now, so cannot reach. Hahaha!
By the way, I'm not one to drool at other people's bfs (it's true yo), and it's not like I'm a teenybopper fan of hers, but when I was reading Xiaxue's blog just now, I noticed that her bf is damn cute.
And I'm so gonna take off my current banner. So fugly right my pathetic designing skills. Nvm, someday I will learn!
Edit: Ok, I changed my banner cause I suddenly found my old one so repulsive. No crude comments about it pls. It's TEMPORARY. :D
Until I make a new one, or until I regain my sanity.
And oh, since I'm all gung ho in an ENVIRONMENT HEALTH COMPANY:
People people, please do throw your trash into rubbish bins and don't litter. Don't simply spit everywhere too, it's not cool. And don't start fires when feeling wacky, the carbon dioxide released is very bad for our ozone layer. Try not to burp/fart so much as well. Toxic gas.
- I proclaim myself bored.
B-O-R-E-D
This job is so easy, I only have to type out some environmental shit, and I type pretty fast. So I'm basically stoning now, waiting for my boss to reassign some other things for me to type in their database.
*yawn*
So the pay is worth it! WAHAHHA. Okok, I'm starting to get a bit too money-faced.
Motto of the day: $______________$
Monday, March 27, 2006 || Thoughts about my highly anticipated FUTURE.
- I'm HOME! :D
SG was quite good.
I am SO kiamsap, man. I very hesitatingly brought along with me 90$ (Rm200 or so) ... and I only did that cause I figured that since I was on a vacation, what the heck, I SHOULD spend, right?!?
WRONG.
I didn't spend a single cent. WAHAHAHA
Of course, I did go shopping. I'm kinda weird cause unlike most other girls, I do not enjoy shopping at all. I can't stand it whenever I go shopping with Christine or Suet Foong, and they end up spending HOURS at various clothes and cutesy hair thingies shops. :P
I think it's partly because 80% of the time I'm damn broke, and 20% of the time I'm damn kiamsap. I hate going window shopping and drooling at all the pretty clothes I can't afford to buy and pretty things that I can't own. Oklah, I DO splurge every once in a while but I can't tell you how guilty I feel everytime I spend more than RM30 on clothes.
But it's quite funny though, how if any of my friends were to ask me out to, say, pool or the movies, I wouldn't even hesitate even though it would cost me cold hard $$$$ as well.
So anyway, about Singapore. I don't have pics because 1) I didn't take many pics cuz I basically only spent time with my cousins and shopping and 2) I'm lazy to upload the pictures from my cam.
I think I have the weirdest, funniest, coolest aunt on earth.
She has SEEN IT ALL. There is nothing in the world that she hasn't seen, or tried before. She, my cousins, and my sister tell me funny stories of their childhood and her life all the time, and lemme tell you guys this: She is CLASSIC. And crazy. And doesn't know what 'embarrassed' feels like.
When she was younger, she'd do really crazy shit like smoke in aeroplanes and other weird places just for the sake of seeing what the authorities could do to her. (She was jailed for one day once, wtf)
Our family used to be really poor (my dad's generation), so she didn't have much money, and everytime she somehow managed to obtain cash, she'd travel to some distant place alone, somehow try to earn cash there, and just make friends with foreigners and chill out.
Last year when she took a trip to KL, my best friend Jaclyn had the golden opportunity to meet her, and my aunt impressed her to bits by telling her crazy stories, singing and dancing in a bath robe, and she ended up sleeping on her lap. Which is a first for Jaclyn, nobody dares to do that to her since Jaclyn is so scary.
She sounds like a raving lunatic, but holy maceron-ee, she's freaking rich. And no, she got rich all by herself, not that she married some rich ass or anything like that.
SO FREAKING COOL, RIGHT?
She is my inspiration, man! Oh, how I long to screw all my responsibilities, venture into a distant place and make an adventure for myself there. By myself.
And one thing I'm DYING to achieve --- I wish that when I'm like, really old and a grandmother ... I could tell my nephews/nieces/grandchildren so many funny and crazy stories. Never mind that most of my stories aren't righteous. I like controversy. Who gives a damn about law and the authorities? Blah
Actually, I'll have to say that my family is pretty cool. My sister is a devoted SPG who has literally seen the whole world and dated men from all over. And though she isn't married yet, she's finally mellowed down and is dating a g.o.r.g.e.o.u.s nice guy. My cousin sisters are damn cool as well, they've seen the world and both got married recently in their thirties. They also run a really successful beauty line business in SG and other parts of the world.
(And one of them married a korean. A KOREAN. QUITE CUTE SOMEMORE. WTFOMGBBQ THEIR KID IS GONNA BE MY NEW OBJECT OF OBSESSION, I SWEAR)
My fave cousin, my cousin brother who lives in L.A is basically ... doing nothing much in particular. But he's alive. He's happy. His life rules.
But when I think about my future, the whole picture-perfect family comes into mind first. Like wtf, I think that when I get married and have kids, my sister'll probably still be sassy, successful and still dating Martin.
And me? I'll probably land up in a boring, pointless 9-5 office job and come home everyday to a bunch of crying kids. Or alternatively, if nobody ever wants to marry me because I am so kiamsap, I could be working in a boring 9-5 office job and come home everyday to a bunch of barking dogs.
W. T. F.
In retrospect, that IS kinda what I want (minus the boring 9-5 job). It must feel damn nice to have cute kids to cuddle and a husband t pamper, right?
But I have only ONE chance at life! I don't mean this in an offensive way ... But I don't want to live my life just like everybody else. I want to do different things. I want to meet people that I would never dream of meeting. I want, SO badly, to live my life like my sister or my aunty ... To screw it all and just have fun. And get rich in the process. (I'm only picking my sis and aunt cause they're the only impressively rich ones)
And to gain all those experiences, friends and money on my own. Education? Wtf's that?
(ok, that's a phrase I learned from my sis. Not my fault ok.)
Go ahead, tell me I'm just being childish. Tell me that I'll never get rich if I don't go to college and get a good degree. Tell me I'm just dreaming and that I'm a dreamer. Because I'll probably tell you that you're right.
And I fking hate myself for that. That's why I think that I'll always only be just mediocre. I'm quite scared of offending people and the authorities. And that will always be my weakest point.
I'm not saying that rule-breaking is cool and convicts are great. I'm only saying that I WISH that I could stand up for my mindset and stand up for my own rules as well. What is life if you don't know who you really are, what you really stand for, right?
So don't tell me I'm pathetic. I don't think I'm pathetic (though close), and I'll forever not brush away the possibility of me living the life that I really want. Who knows, yea?
Anyway, my aunt is so cool, she offered to, get this, PAY FOR MY STUDIES IF I WANTED TO STUDY IN SINGAPORE.
Told you she's rich!
I was like, WHOA when I heard it. I mean, free education + a nice place to live in SG ... that's SO AWESOME@!!
But sad to say, I knew I could only laugh it off and pretend I wasn't interested when she was talking to me about it.
You see, my mother nearly broke down when my sister left Malaysia --- only to not come home forever. She only gets to see my sister once in, like, a year? And their relationship is shaky and they're simply not close anymore since she left for HK.
It nearly killed my mother when my sister left. It would kill her more if I left (c'mon, I dare say that if I ever had an opportunity to study overseas, and stay overseas, I wouldn't come back to KL). My mother and I are quite close and she's not that healthy, so she needs me to be here though she'll never really stop me if I REALLY wanted to go.
So its me against the world, in Malaysia, probably forever. It's lucky that I love my country quite a lot.
It's all good. :( I'm not that sad, despite the sad smiley face. Really. Hahaha.
Anyway, my dad's going to US next month for a holiday with my aunt. I don't think I can go, unless my sis or aunt's willing to pay for my air flight. And I'll be starting college in May, cause right now, I'm still figuring out what I really want in life. I think journalism is a bloody horrible idea. Actually, one of the reasons I'm DYING to do journo is because everybody is telling me what a bloody horrible idea it is, and I'm just DYING to prove them wrong. HAH.
I think I might broaden my horizons a bit. Can I be a tour guide?! (free travelling mah) A freaking manipulative, cunning, rich businesswomen?! A missionary with a heart of gold?!
I have to be at work at 8.30 a.m tomorrow, and here I am, blogging. Wahaha, don't ask me why the queen of Leisure and Laziness is working ... I get paranoid everytime I get broke. I mean, I'm not exactly broke now, but I could definitely use the extra cash. My parents never give me a lot of pocket money, yo.
So the queen of Leisure and Laziness is forced to crawl out of her lovely nest and work for dope.
I swear, my face is like this $___________$ now.
Saturday, March 25, 2006 || Singapore isn't half bad!
- I LIKE SG!
Err ... maybe I didn't like it much the last time around cause I was half-dead and sick.
But this time, it's actually pretty damn cool. I get to go shopping! :D Though I still have this weird phobia of buying stuff in Singapore cause of its exchange rate .....
At least I get to see my cousins (all 30+, no kidding.), and most of them aren't married (they believe in freedom and mass dating, yo), and I never noticed this before - they're actually kinda cool!
... And my sister is on her way from Hong Kong to Singapore cause she's on leave, I'll be meeting her at Changgi airport in the evening. I'm now in my cousin's ultra-chun beauty saloon, using their comp. Heh heh heh ...
Aite, I'll be back this Sunday! Love ya love ya love ya!
For once, I'm thinking that maybe studying in SG may not actually be such a bad idea ...
But nah. No offence, but KL/Penang food still rocks my socks. :D
I kinda miss my friends. heh
Thursday, March 23, 2006 || The secret chambers of the human mind
- I just finished reading Dean Koontz's False Memory.
I loved it. It was a psychological thriller that involed autophobia (fear of ONESELF. As in, you fear YOURSELF. I didn't really know such a phobia existed wei), brain-control and all those cool psychological shit.
It's not as good as Watchers (the book that got me loving Dean), cause I didn't find the ending that satisfying, but the whole idea of mind-control and brain-washing is SO fascinating. I even read a few articles on wikipedia about it after I was done with the book.
It's almost a weird fetish. I remember how much I liked Manchurian Candidate (though the movie remake of it wasn't that good) 'cause I found the idea of mind engineering so so intriguing.
Not like I think that brainwashing someone is right. I just find the idea very interesting. Please watch Donnie Darko, I found that film very very interesting as well.
I've always believed that the human mind is the most powerful - or the most harmful - tool any human being could ever possess. Your mind itself is capable of destroying itself and others if you allow or want it to. Your mental strength could save you or totally crush you, ya? What if you failed SPM, and could never live up to the shame of it, therefore you decided to kill yourself? Or alternatively, you could try harder the next time around ...
So anyway, off the subject of my fascination with the human mind for a bit.
Last Saturday, I had the biggest brawl ever with my parents. Over something that I don't think is my fault at all. I didn't scream back or even fought back -- I just kept quiet.
And they said something I don't think I could ever forgive, or forget.
If they yelled at me about my SPM results or something like that (which they didn't), fine. I deserved it. But to throw something I have been painfully dealing with my whole life ... something they KNOW that still hurts me very much ... is cruelty, to me.
I didn't bother arguing with them. I merely walked out the door and stayed over at my friend's place for the night, crying in the cab on the way there (which was STUPID, I know).
Anyway, I have already put the whole nightmare behind me. Mainly because while I was sniffing and suicidal in the taxi, there was this malay song playing on the radio. I thought it was some kinda anthem or something, but when I listened carefully, the lyrics went something like
'Saya hidup untukmu ... Kau memberikan cintamu kepada-ku ...Kaulah segalanya, Yesus'
SOMETHING LIKE THAT. I can't remember for sure.
And that, my friends, to me is a miracle. I know I sound like an irritating religious bigot trying to shove her beliefs down other people's throats forcefully (I am aware of such people, believe me)... But I don't really believe in coincidences, and the instant relief and peace that I felt at that moment is worth the belief and conviction. I hated what my parents said ... but gah, people say hurtful things when they're bad tempered, I guess?
---------
Anyway, since I'm deeply inspired by all the psychological trauma that Dean koontz portrayed so well, I shall write about all the mental traumas I faced when I was growing up.
Wah cheh, as though I'm so grown up only.
My fear of unacceptance
I think a lot of other people have gone through this as well. But for me, somehow adjusting from primary school life to secondary school life was unexceptionally hard. I remember looking at all my new classmates in form 1 and thinking fearfully how much prettier, smarter and more at ease than me.
It was hard to feel really accepted, because of my low self esteem back then. I got quite depressed, but I eventually got through it, mainly because I realized that I do have good friends who liked me for who I am.
How to get through it: friends... and the realization that sometimes, you don't exactly have to please everyone.
Low self-esteem
Not really uncommon, yea? I am pretty sure that almost everyone, despite their narcissism, has felt inadequate before.
My confidence level used to be, like, zero. My physical appearance back then didn't help much either. I felt so bad about myself that sometimes I would feel SO tired with myself and even felt like dying, at one point.
I thought that if I kicked everybody's ass with my studies, I would somehow be "normal". So I dedicated many hours to studying, everyday I would study until 3 a.m in the morning. My results back then were pretty good, but not literally amazing, since my physical health wasn't exactly top form.
How I got through it: I don't know, exactly. I guess I started trying to accept my flaws and weaknesses, and found out that I had strengths as well. Nowadays, I'll have to say that I don't have self-esteem problems anymore ... in fact, I think that I'm suffering from an overdose of confidence, 'till the point of becoming almost aloof. Errrr ... not that it's a bad thing, really. Really.
And I developed a lame phobia of studying.
Fear of my own fatness
I think all girls have been through this, at some point or other.
I thought that my face was too chubby, therefore I had a really fugly short hairdo that covered the sides of my faces. Of course, the hairdo did me no justice, apparently.
I was never extremely fat, but I felt like I was obese. So I tried hardcore dieting (two-three bites of rice per meal, no more.) and I almost even puked out my food on a few occasions. I lost quite a lot of weight and I was very thin, though my school pinafore concealed it quite well.
Everytime I ate anything, I'd feel a surge of guilt. I'd feel so guilty that I almost feel like puking out my food. And trust me, guys, it is NEVER a great feeling.
For most girls, weight is a very very serious issue. Bfs should never try implying that their gfs are fat, even if she is, because you'll never really know how serious is she taking you.
Pay me a million dollars, and I still would never want to go through that phase again. It was that bad. This may sound really weird, but the main reason I have never tried dieting after I got over my fat phase is because I never want to feel so vulnerable, scared and terrified again. I don't want to consume a delicious meal, only to be struck by guilt.
I don't give a damn if I'll look better if I'm thinner. I'm trying to let my views, and only mine alone, affect my life. I don't ever want to fall that badly again. Tell me I'm fat, and I'll only ask you to fuck off ... because, I dunno, it is a lot better than me puking for you.
How I got through it: Again, my friends played a pretty huge role. When I was 14 or so, I started eating normally and gaining weight again. Soon, I became the foul-mouthed, sarcastic, confident asshole that I am. @_o
Not like I think that I've become a worse person ... I just like the person that I am today a lot more than the screwed up geek that I was. :)
Asides from all my good friends, I doubt that anybody'd guess that I was ever this disturbed. Yeap, I was majorly screwed up in more ways than one. But strangely enough, I'm pretty glad I went through all that crap ... it helped me find out who my real friends were, and how much I actually love myself.
Because of all my insecurities with myself, in the first place, I found that as I grew older, I only dated people that I knew I would never really fall in love with. You know, the typical fling types. I did really like a few guys before, but I never admitted to them how much I liked them, because subconsciously, I guess that I thought that they would hurt me in some way.
That's why I'm staying single for now. Best of both worlds!
I don't really know if anybody else has been through any of this. I know that quite a lot of my friends have. And as petty as it sounds ... they are real. Such conditions and shaky mentalities do exist. I don't agree with Jaclyn's 'I don't give a damn about screwed up suicidal people who don't deserve my pity' theory...
You'd never know, you know. What if I didn't have amazing and supportive friends? What if my parents thought that I should be sent to an asylum because I cried everytime I got a B or everytime somebody brushed me aside?
I would probably be dead. And here I am, alive and healthy (...........).
I'm going to Singapore, not sure when will I return. Probably Sunday. @_@ This time, I'll be staying at my cousin's place ... which is cooler, I guess, since she has internet connection and two amazingly CUTE puppies.
And I'll get to see all the jack russell terriers at my aunt's place again.
I don't know why I wrote this post. I guess it's just a trip down memory lane from me. -__-
Wednesday, March 22, 2006 || Pictures from my Frasers trip! ... And a ghostly encounter.
- I'm backkkkk! *waves*
I have so many things to say, so this'll be a pretty damn long entry I think.
First up,
Pictures from my mediocre-but-fun Frasers trip!
We stayed at Silverpark resort (I think), which was really nice. I absolutely ADORED the weather there, I slept like a dead pig the two nights when I was there cuz it was just too bloody comfortable!
And I think I'm cursed. Everytime I leave KL, I get sick. When I went for int. camp in P.D, I got sick. When I went to SG during CNY, I got sick.
And needless to say, I got sick on Wednesday --- the day I went to Frasers. Wtf
The apartment hall. I can't really remember how much it costs per night, but it was pretty and quaint.
View from our apartment's balcony. See the For Sale sign .. ? Someday, if I ever strike it rich, I will freaking buy an apartment in Frasers. :D
On the way to Frasers' waterfall:
As you can see, Jac-buntut is having a lot of fun blowing those plastic balloon thingies. We bought a whole box of 'em ... just for fun. :p
We used to play a lot of those balloon things when we were 9 'till we were 11!
Quite nice ya the waterfall? Me, Katherine and Jac. Picture looks like crap, mainly because my camera's mode dial wasn't set in the correct mode. Har de har ...
Pheweeet! Two chickos in swimsuits! Mwahahah ...
Er ... Don't mind my 'CB' face. Only posting this up cause I like my hair colour in this picture.
Me, in my classic "Don't kacau me - I'm stoning" pose. Of course, I'm fantasizing about frolicking in the waterfall with
Inspired by one of the pics of Suet Li and her bf from her blog.
Of course, we don't look half as good. I look fat-faced and Jaclyn looks like her chin doubled over. HAHAHA
Jaclyn, pretending to be a goddess. Of course, the pose is not exactly very god-like .......
Some dude posing for me. For me, I tell ya!
HAHAHA
Then we all separated ourselves on different trails for FIVE hours ... its reason was to, erm, learn how to appreciate silence and solitude. You know, it isn't often that we get to be alone with nature, ourselves, God, yada yada ....
At first I found it to be a pretty bad idea. But it turned out pretty fun. I walked around and took pictures, read my book lying on the grass, and enjoyed the scenary.
ALONE. No idea which trail were the others on.
So of course, camwhoring is a must. It isn't often that self-proclaimed camwhore like me gets to camwhore in PUBLIC, and in such a .... green place, anyway.
I kinda like this picture, though it bears no purpose whatsoever. I just liked how the wind seemed to be caressing my hair ... ahhhh.
Bliss!
Some pretty pink flowers I found when I was strolling leisurely along the trail. Come to think of it, they were probably the ONLY flowers I saw. -_-
The long and Winding Road ..... ~ ... That leads to nobody's home in particular.
EVERYTHING IS GREEN!
I like!
After two hours or so, I got bored and found myself a damn nice spot to sit and read while enjoying the BLISSFUL, AMAZING, FANTASTIC weather.
Camwhoring is also necessary.
And after that, I fell asleep.
In public! Under the sun!
Then I came across this really dark cellar-looking thing, and when I really looked inside, there were SO MANY BIRDS flying around in it!
I think it was a birds' nesting place, or something.
If you look at the picture carefully, you can actually see a few birds flying around.
Two bloody huge bugs that I've never seen before in KL. (The size, I mean)
And because I'm too lazy to upload the other pictures to imageshack, here's a last picture of my friends playing snooker. (The resort has a nice snooker room)
We took three hours to finish one game. -________-
Speaking of which, I played pool today with a friend, and we only used 10 minutes to finish a game! It's already considered really amazing for us, cause we're all only newbies ...
----------------------
A Ghostly Encounter in Frasers
The second night I was in Frasers, Jaclyn and I were sharing a room, and as usual, we were talking and chatting 'till 3 a.m or so.
When we finally tucked ourselves in bed ... There was this knocking sound on our door, as though somebody was actually standing out of our room and KNOCKING ON OUR DOOR.
So the first time I heard someone (or something, for that matter ....) knock, I thought it was one of our friends, and I nonchalantly opened the door.
THERE WAS NOONE THERE!!!!!!
And after that, both of us majorly freaked out. The worst part was, the knocking continued ... and we didn't dare to look anymore.
We stayed up shivering and screaming in our pillows the whole night, until we fell asleep out of exhaustion. -_-
IT WAS THE FREAKIEST, SCARIEST experience of my life. Suddenly, all those stupid horror movies were playing in our minds and we started telling each other ghost stories we heard from other people ..............
*shudders*
My room must've been haunted. :(
And oh, the journey up and down Frasers Hill sucks ass. The road was SO winding and so steep, I puked on the journey down. LOL! Will do good for my imaginary diet!
Okay, enough for today! :D
I was gonna blog about me running away from home last weekend, but I feel so sweaty and dirty now, have to take my bath.
'Till next time ...
*bows*
Tuesday, March 21, 2006 || Back from my "hiatus"!
- I know, I know, I haven't blogged in ages. This has possibly been the longest hiatus ever, since my blog started!
I guess everybody has forgotten about me already! :D Though that's not important right now.
I have shitloads of things to say and pics to upload, but blogger's pic upload thing isn't working at the moment, and I'm too freaking lazy to upload 'em one by one on imageshack. Maybe later. :p
Life is full of ups and downs, and I'm seriously DYING to write about them, especially about my trip to Frasers ... But I can't stay online long. =(
Tonight, tonight!
By the way, I was freaking pissed yesterday cause I went out without my phone, and when I was away, somebody called me four or five times to offer me an amazing job with fantastic pay and not-long hours ... but obviously, since I was unable to response in the five hours that I was out, they gave the job to someone else!
GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!
But never mind. After I was done tearing out my hair and throwing dishes out the window, mummy informed me that we were going to Singapore (Again?! -_-) this Friday for a week or so. So ... it must've been Fate that I didn't get that fantastic-high-paying job, I guess?
Ok, gonna go negotiate with stubborn parents now. I so don't want to go to SG for ONE WEEK. I get headaches when I'm in SG, cause whenever my family goes shopping, I get permanent headaches from mentally counting the currency exchange rate and end up not buying anything.
Give me pasar malams anyday. =D
Wednesday, March 15, 2006 || GOODBYE! ... for now.
GOODBYE, SUCKERS!........ For now.
Clothes, because nudity is still unaccepted in Malaysia's culture. Check.
Camera, just in case I bump into a drool-worthy sexy tourist and I wish to capture his sexy face in my heart. Check.
Toothbrush and toothpaste, just so I have 'minty fresh breath' to chat up strangers with. Check.
Sexy lingerie, just in case. Check.
HAHA, was just kidding.
Anyway, people, wish me a splendid time! Don't be so kiamsap! :D Spam my taggie and comments in remembrance of MEEEEE!
Touch wood, that sounds like I'm gonna commit suicide and die or something. Nonono, I'm just going for a trip. Really.
'Till later, my "faithful" readers/friends/potential stalkers/potential boyfriends/enemies/niggers/sexy men/sexy women!
Tuesday, March 14, 2006 || Post SPM results observations. *ahem*
- Listening to: Weezer - We are all on drugs (appropriate, no?)
Mood: ... Okay.
Hah, this whole SPM thing is really all but a game of life. It's like Snakes and Ladders, really ... If you study hard for it, or are EXTREMELY lucky, your pawn ascends up a ladder. If you don't study, or are a hopelessly unlucky ass, you slide down an evil looking snake.
As for me, I neither ascended, nor did I slide.
I was in the worst mood ever for about two hours after I received my results. For one, I don't understand idiots who don't seem to comprehend the meaning of "I did okay lah, but I really don't want to talk about it". At least four people continuously PESTERED me for my results.
"Wei ... Tell me lar. I won't tell anyone wan, I promise! TELLL LAAAA..."
Dude, in case you asses didn't get it right, the WHOLE point of me not wanting to talk about it, is that I'm not ready to let people know, right?! How freaking insensitive can you get? If somebody's grandmother passed away, you wouldn't badger and pester her for details of how and when she died, right?
Ish. Never mind. I guess some people must be REALLY curious about me ... Or, like Darien says, they just want someone who they think is 'worse' than them to compare with, to make themselves feel better and smarter. I think I kinda agree with him.
Guess what, fuckers (assuming you really don't care about me or my feelings at all), you're not going to enjoy the liberty of watching me fall down to my knees sobbing. I'm quite vulnerable now, but I'm not that weak either. Not even close.
You know, I think that I can be extremely fierce at times. I know that most of my friends have never seen me when I'm full-on pissed before ... but those who have are exceptionally nice and understanding towards me today. O_o
My parents seemed to be SO scared that my fuses would be blown or something. They were acting like I would suddenly scream, tear off my clothes, grab a couple of kitchen knives to fling it at them, and jump out of my window naked. I REALLY do appreciate them for, err, not giving me a hard time and for not giving me a 'I told you so' look.
At this point, most of you people would think that I'm spoilt, and that my parents should discipline me more. But my parents are slightly different from most ... they understand that I'm stubborn and that I learn by experience. e.g. If they told me that fire would burn my skin, I wouldn't believe them until I actually burned myself. So basically, they LET me make my own mistakes, so that I can learn and burn at my own expense ... (of course, they won't let me get pregnant or jump off a cliff or anything like that)
I'm definitely burned, alright. :P
I spent the day .... SHOPPING! :D I suddenly felt that I shouldn't confine myself in my own room today, and I jumped at the opportunity to go shopping in Sg Wang. But anyway, I ONLY spent 10 bucks. Can you even believe it?
Errr ... I think that I'm still sort of punishing myself. I feel like I don't deserve much luxuries for awhile. I went to a pet shop, because I REALLY wanted to buy a fat hamster. (It's supposed to be called Gizmo Elizabeth Lee the III) ... but a hamster cage is too expensive for me to afford. haha
It's weird how you find joy in the funniest of places. See, when I was on the bus from SG wang to return to Kota Raya, two very interesting fellers caught my attention.
Weird dude #1: There was this quite good looking and clean-cut dude who hopped up the bus at the same time as me.
... AND HE F*KING PRETENDED TO BE THE BUS CONDUCTOR. WTF?
He was yelling all sorts of crap, like 'NANTI ORANG TURN KAT KOTA RAYA MESTI TEKAN LOCENG!', bus conductor style.
Everybody ignored him, since they probably brushed him off as cuckoo, but I just couldn't stop laughing. I know, I know, I'm so kind.
Weird dude #2 - This tall, chinese guy was sitting opposite me in the bus, and he was holding a bunch of papers, which I recognized to be the much-dreaded SPM slip and the other certificates.
I can't remember clearly, but when I tried to peek, I think the dude was from some chinese school named Sun Hwa or something. I know I'm kepoh.
The dude stared at the papers in his hand, slowly flipping them one by one with a glazed look in his eyes.
HE LOOKED SO BLOODY SAD! Like a homeless puppy dog, awww. My heart totally went out to him. And I couldn only look at him forlornly from afar, since it would be the rudest thing ever to ask him something stupid like 'Hey! I see you got your SPM results! I got mine today, too! Life sucks, huh?'.
And then, after awhile, he put his papers aside and started crying softly. -_______________-
My God, I was so stunned and emo. Hahaha. I was reconsidering to slip him a note, maybe something that goes like 'hey ... don't be sad lah wei. Life still goes on, yo! If you ever need to talk, you can call me at 01x-xxxxxxx' (LOL), but I realized that I reached my bus stand and I had to leave the broken-hearted cute guy alone. :'(
I feel very much myself again. After all the shit over the past few weeks, I AM STILL that girl who laughs at fat men falling on banana skins, yet the same girl who will help the fat dude (while laughing). Who cares, anyway? I know for sure that being myself is still the most fun thing ever.
I feel really bad that my parents couldn't be proud of me. But I'm not someone who's perpetually trapped in the past. All I can say is, I can definitely do my best next time around, yea? Life is full of disappointments, and I have never really been disappointed with myself before (in fact, most of the time, I am pretty pleased and smug with myself)... today is my first taste of it. Disappointment.
And Disappointment tastes somewhat bittersweet. It leaves a bitter aftertaste that I never want to get used to. I'm not a religious person, but somewhere in the bible, I think that it says that God will never give you any hardships or temptations more than what you can bear ...
... And this, is something I CAN bear. I thank God actually, for I am quite humbled now. I don't think I'm overconfident anymore, though I guess that will still need some time to change.
I promise myself that I will succeed in life. For my own sake, and for my parents sake. They annoy me like heck quite a lot, but it's at times like these that I know how blessed I am. =D
- Okay, so D-day is finally here.
I already got my results. Let's just say my results are EXACTLY what I expected, but not entirely what I hoped for.
I think I deserved to cry. I really felt like I should cry. But somehow, the tears were just not there ... in fact, for some funny reason, I didn't even really FEEL anything. I was numb to all emotions ... Or maybe the emotions weren't meant to be there in the first place?
I didn't say Hi to many people in school today, even though I should have. Stepping back into high school was weird enough. Having your class teacher beam at you, and who still apparently remembers you, AND is still as friendly as ever is even weirder. Seriously, Pn Asima, you're the best. I hate school and everything, but I really REALLY liked my form teacher, who gave me a lot of confidence in my english and writing. O_o
Haha ... Me? Actually respecting and liking a teacher? Surprising, no? But I really do like her, anyway. Should I ever get any glamourous award of any sort, I will DEFINITELY remember her in my acceptance speech. hahaha!
See, I am such a sad case right now. I feel so ... relieved and happy, yet so sad. Hahaha. My mind is so incoherent right now. I feel like I belong in an asylum or a psychotic ward.
Anyway, I guess that everything's in perspective already, after today. I'm never going to shortchange myself again. I'm better than that. My results are not ... bad, but it's a pretty big blow to my pride. I NEVER want to feel this way again ... relieved in a sadistic way. -_-
I'm going to Frasers. Yeap, my results are not THAT bad.
THIS is a time to make a change, Liz. I'm pretty sure that everybody has noticed this --- I have not been myself much lately. I mean, even in my blog, I used to be more cheerful and happy, right?!
I think I just need some time off to seriously mull things over. There are a lot of crisises in my life that I have to deal with, most of them I don't really want even my closest friends to know. I'm quite disappointed with myself in many ways (not results lah, mind you), and I will somehow pull myself back together again. The Eliza Lee I used to know was better than this. Tsk tsk tsk.
Wish me a happy and enlightening trip to Frasers. :)
I want to come home a better person. Hehehe.
Monday, March 13, 2006 || Numb
- I don't freaking get it. Why are strangers saying Hi to me all the time? I don't mean, 'Hi' in an introductory way. I mean "Hi!" in a "Long time no see!" way. Just yesterday, at Wong Kok, some dude waved and grinned at me from another table ... He looked familiar, yes, but my battered mind just couldn't place him anywhere.
Last year, at a public toilet, two chicks who were admiring their own reflections gaped when they saw me, and claimed to know me from school. Just some time ago, a form 3 sales assistant stopped me and befriended me 'cuz apparently, she ALWAYS sees me in school. How is that possible, when I'm not even at school half the time I'm supposed to be?!
Which brings me to the big, fat, BEAR HUG the said form 3 sales assistant gave me two days ago when she bumped into me in Pearl Point hotel. Errrrrrrr....
Interesting. I think my memory just fails me. I always knew I was scatter-brained, but I can't believe I can't even remember people. :P
It's less than 24 hours till D-day. In a way, it is a turning point of my life. If I do THAT badly (TOUCH WOOD), I will probably have to retake, which would be a huge time wastage. If I do okay, I can move on with college, and move on with my life. If, a sudden miracle occurs and I do well, I can spare myself from the deadly wrath of my parents. =_=
Anyway, If I get okay or good results, I will be taking a trip to Frasers Hill for a holiday with my friends. If I do badly ... I won't go. As a punishment to myself, heh. I won't be going online anyway, either way. I guess I need a break away from civilization and people in general to really think out my next move.
Despite what people think of me, I am not rash or immature. Yep, sure, I skipped school a lot and I totally disregarded my studies ever since I was forced into science stream by everybody after I got straight As for PMR, when I wanted Arts. I know that I deserve to do badly, but that is a price I already knew I would pay in the first place.
So yup, I believe that I will get through this fine. I think that I'm stubborn enough to pull through.
I seriously can't wait to OFFICIALLY close that chapter of my life. I loved my high school friends, but for reasons I don't want to delve on, I hated high school. I don't really care how everybody goes, 'You'll miss high school once it's over, I did!', I still would NEVER go back to it. I don't miss it at all. I can't even begin to describe how glad I was on the last day of school, when quite a lot of people were feeling nostalgic. :p
I hate the fact that I'm going to have to step into that hellhole again tomorrow. Hopefully for the last time. I'm not planning to tell anyone, not even Jaclyn, my results, even if I do really well. It means that much to me, that I just can't wait to leave it behind me.
I might update tomorrow, I might not. Around this time tomorrow, I seriously can't predict how will I be feeling. Hmm.
The suspense is killing me. I wanna get it over and done with!!!
Sunday, March 12, 2006 || A "Let's Piss Liz Off" session.
- I just finished watching War and Beauty, that hyped up TVB series that had so many reruns on Astro, and had all the housewives gossiping and bitching about it.
I proclaim myself disappointed.
But hey, what did I expect from a wah lai toi TVB drama? Despite being the best TVB show of 2005, I found it boring and predictable as the show proceeded. Some parts were way too draggy, and the women were not cunning enough. I saw through all their evil plots even before I was supposed to know, which proves that I am more evil and cunning than a bunch of beautiful, revengeful, sex-starved ladies.
Despite what people said about them, Gigi Lai and Sheren Tang were the ONLY reasons I actually watched the whole thing.
*grins*
Let's piss Liz off
Yoyoyo ma homies, welcome to a much-anticipated, highly-awaited session of Let's Piss Liz Off! Brought to you by Eliza Lee, the
I, Eliza Lee, am the host for today. And today, I shall be interviewing none other than ...
*drum roll*
ELIZA LEE!
So, Liz, what's bothering you?
Nothing at all, really. Maybe it's the sheer stupidity of humankind, maybe it's the unveiling of the Deadly SPM results. Maybe it's just PMS, though I highly doubt it. Perhaps it's all the shit blogs with song lyrics and tacky one-liners that's getting to me, even though that is not my business.
Nah, I think it's the weather. DO YOU EVEN REALIZE HOW BLOODY HOT IS IT?
Wow, you do seem edgy ......
'Edgy' is NOT the word to describe it. Everybody is irritating me, I can't help it! My parents are starting to call me 'Lanun' instead of MY NAME. I even almost yelled at my homies today yo, which is something I have not done since .... forever. I do possess a gentle soul, you know.
And oh,
Maybe it has something to do with these:
Isn't Catherine Zeta Jones supposed to be gorgeous? Waddafuk is all this MAN VS WOMEN shit, yo? :(
And this enraged me even further!
Celebrities are human too, innit? Why is everybody exposing their flaws, trying to take fugly pictures of them in their 100% natural state without any gook on their faces?!
I PROCLAIM MYSELF PISSED, ON THEIR BEHALF! The world is an evil place. It is never safe for a famous person such as me to walk on the streets without make-up anymore.
Whoa whoa, chill girl. So how're you planning to rid yourself off your pissed-off state of mind?
First up, I am going to indulge in a lot of food. There ain't many PLEASURES in life, and eating is one of them.
Good food is better than an orgasm, aite. Since I don't seem to have much opportunities to achieve the latter, why sacrifice the former?! Yo, Britney is fat, and she still looks AMAZING.
......... Er.
What's next?
So Liz, any last words for your hoard of devoted fans?
First up, I KNOW I'm gorgeous and all that shit, but seriously, darlings, you guys need to understand the phrase 'thou shall not take Liz as an airheaded, brainless bimbo'.
For instance, if you're pleading for my attention like most males are (HAHAHA), you really shouldn't misuse friendster and all it's UBER DUPER WONDERFUL FEATURES LIKE 'SEND A SMILE' OR 'SEND A SMELLY ROSE'.
Even messages that start with "Hihi" and end with "Baibai" is a SIN. Honestly, at least come up with something original like 'I am at a loss for words at the alluring and sensual aura that your profile pictures exude......'.
A-an-and ... Never try to scam innocent, pretty, young girls
I know, darlings, I am model material. (LOL!! *falls off chair*)
But really, what do you take me for? A stupid, innocent young girl? Ah, the horror of it all! My big doe-like eyes are widening in horror, and my breath is quickening at the monstrosity!
...........................
FOR SUCH AN UNKNOWN AGENCY DOES NOT QUALIFY TO REPRESENT ME! HAH! Words of wisdom, brothers.
Err ... okay. It sounds like a scam. Anyway, how does it feel like to be interviewed by your beautiful self on the first episode of "Let's Piss Off Liz"?
I feel absolutely wonderful! It is great.I am in the process of producing a season 2, should the need arise. So you lovely people out there have a jolly good time, aite? Mwahs!
I KNOW THAT WAS LAME. BUT IT IS THE ONLY WAY TO DESCRIBE MY PISSED STATE WITHOUT SOUNDING LIKE A PMS-ish PRUDE. The only way I deal with anger is to use humour to override the anger. Grr.
I watched Final Destination 3. *shivers* Damn scared now ...
Thursday, March 09, 2006 || I smell sour grapes among the older generations!
- I don't get it. You know how many adults always go, "Don't talk back at me, kid. I've ate more salt than all the rice that you have ever eaten in your entire whole life." (Er, that dumb chinese proverb.)
I honestly think that that theory is bloody ridiculous.
Like how my parents taunt me ALL the time, speaking aloofly of their younger days when they had to make their own toys out of wood and had to sell kuih by the roadside for their parents to earn a living. They proclaim that I am (... and my entire generation, at that) weak, useless and oh-so-naive, compared to them. Just because I haven't 'suffered to get what I wanted', they say.
Okay, I DO deeply appreciate and admire everything that our elders have suffered to obtain for us, and I am grateful for all the hard work and sweat that they must've invested.
But seriously, with all due respect, what on earth does that have to do with ME? I mean, me, as a person today. Do the so-called 'experienced' ones really want us to rewind time and work from dusk till dawn at paddy fields and rubber plantations??
I don't need to know what it's like to suffer without actually experiencing it. Seriously, which asshole would willingly trade comfort for suffering ... just for the sake of EXPERIENCE?! I'm willing to bet my ass off that if the older generation of people had their choice at the time, they would've DEFINITELY opted for an easier way of living.
Hardworking of them? Of course. They're considered experienced citizens and good elders? Very much so.
But that doesn't mean that we are any worse. Times have changed, circumstances have changed. I don't need to make a doll out of paper when there are affordable and lovely dolls that are sold all around.
Smart people learn from their own mistakes. Smarter people learn from other people's mistakes.
For instance, if a friend of mine is constantly having unprotected sex and suddenly got knocked up ... As a friend, having witnessing all the hardship she has to go through (if she keeps the baby), don't you think that subconsciously, I would have learnt her lesson and be REALLY careful to not have unprotected sex?
Same goes with elders. I deeply admire some of the shit they had to go through, especially those who have survived the war etc etc ... but in all honesty, I wouldn't wish the same to happen to me, just because I want to be as wise/strong/experienced as them! -_-
I have tried explaining my views of it to my elders (be it my family members, yada yada.), but they just disregard my opinions, since I'm just "a young girl". But seriously, it's a lose-lose situation anyway, because if they impose their idealisms on me ... Who says I will agree with them?!? I'm stubborn. :p
Just now my dad was boasting about how he joined the Air Force right after he graduated from secondary school, that he joined because he was brave, loyal and really wanted to serve the country out of his patriotic heart.
"Oh really?", I asked him in a fake tone of deep awe.
"Of course lah. You think like you meh, NS also don't want to go. Every man has to serve his country you know *crap crap blah blah* ....Even the bad pay .... You youngsters... *bla bla*..."
"Oh. Mummy told me you joined because your ICE (uh, if I'm not mistaken, it's the exam they had to take way before the times of the Shit that is SPM.) results were so bad, so you joined the army only because you had no other choice." I retorted cheekily.
"What! NONSENSE! Rubbish!". After he denied all "rumours" of his supposed academic failure in school, he huffed and he puffed and he went out to eat with my uncle. :p
Speaking of which, I have been dying to watch War and Beauty, since it is supposedly THE series of 2005. When I was chatting with Yuenqi just now, the dude was telling me that Gigi Lai (famous HK actress with goddess-like beauty) shouldn't have won the Best actress award. And that she somehow, uh, schemed her way to gain that award and possibly cheated, since polls all over were rooting for Sheren Tang (another famous HK dudette with almost goddess-like beauty) to win.
The FIRST thought that crept into my mind was 'hmm, well DUH, if I were Gigi Lai, and if I could pull some strings to win the Best actress award ... I WOULD ALSO LAH'. I know, I know, quite selfish thoughts. But gah, so what if she didn't deserve the award?
SHE STILL GOT IT. -_-
If I were her, I would only go 'lalala, I won the award ... YOU GOT OR NOT?? nyeh heh heh ...' to all my haters.
I'm not bashing all the righteous and unselfish people out there. Just the same way I admire some of our elders, that they survived all the shit and emerged to be amazing people (no sarcasm intended), if I had a choice, I simply just wouldn't do it the same way. Life is too short to waste on self-inflicted sufferings and trials. Of course, if I had no other choice (like MY elders), I would do it the same way they did it.
And who knows, I may even turn out to be even more fabulous than them. Not that I intend to find out the hard way. =))))
P.S. I ONLY went online for 1.5 hours today. The rest of my day was spent doing more constructive things, such as pretending to jog for 10 minutes until the sky darkened and it started raining cats and dogs. Keep this up, and I'll officially end my reign as an internet whore! =D
Tuesday, March 07, 2006 || My dad is evil.
- My dad is the meanest living being on planet earth.
Today, when I was preparing to go out, he hastily pulled me over and talked to me.
"Hey, you know your SPM results are coming out right"
Me: "Duh."
"Remember Mr Lim? (... my EX school's EX head mistress's younger brother, who is a good friend of my dad.)"
"Yeah. Why?"
"He pulled some strings ... and GUESS WHAT, I KNOW YOUR RESULTS!" (this was said VERY menacingly)
Me: "WHAT?!"
"Don't worry, you did okay."
Me: "WHAT?!"
"You got 1A, the rest all Cs."
Me: "... DON'T LIE. Don't joke about things like that!!!"
"HAHAHAHAHA!"
Me: "Don't play a fool, man! (Er, a stupid phrase I often use) The results are only out on that day itself, what you trying to accomplish??"
"Hahahaha! I know, you ARE a fool."
Me: "........ I'm going out." -_-
I HATE MY DAD.
I HATE MY DAD.
Doesn't he know or care that his daughter is so bloody scared that she'll fail?! -_- Very funny, daddy. *wipes tear*
He DEFINITELY hit all the right spots. Bleh.
PARENTS ARE OVERRATED. Period.
P.S: Yay, I think my internet addiction is cured! I ONLY went online for one hour today, nyeh heh heh ... There's hope for me, yet.
But speaking of which, I was bloody gung-ho about going on a diet just last week ... but guess what?
IT'S NOT WORKING. Haha! I still eat as much as I usually do. -_-
Okay, time to go offline ... I guess.
Edited: I don't hate my dad. Our daily fights are routine, and most of our fights are easily forgotten, thanks to the wacky sense of humour we both share. Though, of course, poking fun at my possible inability to get any As at all is evil. -_-
- Hi, imaginary readers of mine! *waves frantically*
I've been thinking about getting a new pet. I absolutely LOVE and adore Fifi, my dumb but cute pooch, but I've been thinking of getting another pet as well. Mainly to 'brighten up' my house, have something new to coo at, and so that Fifi would be ... entertained.
But what should I get?
A cute cat?
... I like cats too, and believe me, Fifi likes them as well. Haha. But I'm not sure if all cats'd be able to get along with a dog.
I used to have a FAT gray persian cat named Baby, and she got along with Fifi great. (.. cause the only interaction they ever shared was all the times Baby tried to steal Fifi's food, with Fifi chewing off Baby's ears. And vice-versa.)
But my dad has some weird lung problem, and he proclaims that cat fur is the cause of it, so he happily gave my Baby away. Though, till this day, I still suspect that the main reason of his evil deed was only because he was tulan at Baby scratching his stupid speakers.
... So no cats. -_-
I think that I might get a rabbit.
I used to have two fat (..why are ALL my pets fat?!?) rabbits. But I remember that they used to shit everywhere, ALL the time. Until both of them died of diarrhea.
*blinks*
... So I think that I'll get a pair of hamsters.
They're cute, right?? ... as long as they don't bite. =/
-------------------
I've been trying my best to cure my Internet addiction, of late. I mean, I used to not be able to go through even a DAY without going online to check my mail or chat. Or blog.
But I don't want to be too dependant on my trashy computer anymore. Life is more than the Internet, no?
Anyway, a lot of people eat, breathe and sleep The Internet. You know, people who only make friends online, find girlfriends online, play football online (er, not sure about this lah), read e-books online instead of the real thing ......
I don't want to be like that. Yup, I have made many good friends online, and I'm happy that I met them.
But I am aware that I have been spending a bit too much time online, even during my high school days. I can't believe it, how my friends and I would even skip school to visit cyber cafes every once in awhile.
I don't regret it, because I still wouldn't have done anything differently, but I don't want it to continue.
So ... Less internet and computer for me, huhu. =( I've been spending more and more time with my good friends, at the library getting good books to read, and other whatnots.
I'm trying hard not to show it, but I am actually bloody nervous about my upcoming SPM results. I know, I know, I didn't study, therefore I know I don't deserve to get good results ... but I'm VERY scared of getting horrendous results.
I just wouldn't know how to face everybody ... I know that most people would probably only go, 'Haha, Eliza wat. She never even study. Expected lar...' ... but I KNOW that a lot of my relatives and friends that don't know me well will ASK me wtf is wrong with me, seeing as how I got straight As for UPSR and PMR without tuition or studying.
And I think that I'd sound majorly stupid if I tried explaining that SPM is different. heh.
That's one of my (many) weaknesses. I'm kind of scared of being viewed differently by others, of being judged, and critisized behind my back. I've faced a lot of that kind of shit in life, and I managed to disregard and ignore my fear of it for two years in school, because it was the easiest way for me to move on and not give a damn.
But I'm still scared. What if I fail? What if I don't get As at all?
I can't predict how would I react, but I know it definitely is not going to be pretty. I don't want to throw myself down Gasing Hill, or follow the smelly tides of Klang River.
Sunday, March 05, 2006 || I WANT KIDS SOOO BAD!
- I went for a all-kids Boys Bridgate meeting at Emmanuel's Kindergarden today. =D
I would love to brag about how useful/indispensable/noble I was by changing kid's lives and all that shit, but seriously, I ONLY went to drool at the cute lil' kids. I was in everyone's way, cause I was snapping photos of every cute kid I saw.
It's called 'kepoh' for a good reason, darlings. :p
Oh LOOKIE, SO MANY CUTE LIL' BOYS! ME LIKE.
*I seriously don't mean to sound pedo, I just ... really love little boys. Not that love.*
They had a lot of pretty cute and fun activities for the lil' ones. Though I can't remember any ..... :p
Pictures will suffice!
I have no idea what're they doing here. I think they were teaching them how to march or something.
When Liz is with a camera, there will undeniably be camwhoring involved.
STRIPPED BARE! ... Check out our fugly faces! -_- I look so gay (happy-gay) and Jaclyn looks so gay (homo-gay).
... JUST KIDDING!
Actually, the ONLY reason I went for the meeting was because my friend told me that Justin (my fave kid from all-kids camp, back when I was an amazing and humble teacher's asst) would be there.
But he wasn't there. :( *wipes tear*
No worries, I found a new favourite!
See the CUTE kid in blue shorts? HE IS SO DAMN CUTE, OKAY.
He kept on winking at me and going "Hey girl ~~~~~~".
And whenever he wanted to go someplace else, he'd wink and go "Hey girl, follow me ~~~~".
HOW CUTE IS THAT?!?!?!?! First time in my life I've ever met a kid as cute as he is! I swear, he is gonna grow up to be a total ladies man. :D
THE WINK! SO CUTE, can.
(I'm not saying that grown men should wink all the time, cause it's pretty misleading. :p But coming from a five year old ... pretty damn cute lah!)
I would kill to have a little boy as cute as him or Justin. I would be SO happy and entertained. Heh.
I really like watching kids play. They have this ... really special and innocent glow on their faces when they're happy; something only children possess. =) Make me feel so happy also.
... YES the kid is upside down. :D
I wish I could do that. -___-;; But if I tried hanging upside down, the whole swing would crash and break into half.
Seriously, the "dream" future I really want would be coming home everyday to a family of cute kids and loving husbands.
ERRR ... I mean, A loving husband. :P
SO cute ... *swoons* Little ladies man.
But I really wanna travel around the world, to meet and experience new things as well. Though I guess that that dream of mine isn't going to happen ... But hey, a girl can dream.
SO MANY THINGS TO DO, SO LITTLE TIME.
Have you ever felt an insane yearning to be someplace else?
... Because I go to bed everyday now, wishing that I would wake up in another part of the world. =( I want to see the whole world SO badly. My sister has accomplished that (... almost), so why can't I?
Tsk, dream on Liz.
Nevertheless, I still want a cute little boy that looks like Justin or the kid above. *swoons* I WANT BABIES, DAMMIT. SOMEONE KNOCK ME UP ALREADY!
... Kidding.
