Monday, March 27, 2006 || Thoughts about my highly anticipated FUTURE.
- I'm HOME! :D
SG was quite good.
I am SO kiamsap, man. I very hesitatingly brought along with me 90$ (Rm200 or so) ... and I only did that cause I figured that since I was on a vacation, what the heck, I SHOULD spend, right?!?
WRONG.
I didn't spend a single cent. WAHAHAHA
Of course, I did go shopping. I'm kinda weird cause unlike most other girls, I do not enjoy shopping at all. I can't stand it whenever I go shopping with Christine or Suet Foong, and they end up spending HOURS at various clothes and cutesy hair thingies shops. :P
I think it's partly because 80% of the time I'm damn broke, and 20% of the time I'm damn kiamsap. I hate going window shopping and drooling at all the pretty clothes I can't afford to buy and pretty things that I can't own. Oklah, I DO splurge every once in a while but I can't tell you how guilty I feel everytime I spend more than RM30 on clothes.
But it's quite funny though, how if any of my friends were to ask me out to, say, pool or the movies, I wouldn't even hesitate even though it would cost me cold hard $$$$ as well.
So anyway, about Singapore. I don't have pics because 1) I didn't take many pics cuz I basically only spent time with my cousins and shopping and 2) I'm lazy to upload the pictures from my cam.
I think I have the weirdest, funniest, coolest aunt on earth.
She has SEEN IT ALL. There is nothing in the world that she hasn't seen, or tried before. She, my cousins, and my sister tell me funny stories of their childhood and her life all the time, and lemme tell you guys this: She is CLASSIC. And crazy. And doesn't know what 'embarrassed' feels like.
When she was younger, she'd do really crazy shit like smoke in aeroplanes and other weird places just for the sake of seeing what the authorities could do to her. (She was jailed for one day once, wtf)
Our family used to be really poor (my dad's generation), so she didn't have much money, and everytime she somehow managed to obtain cash, she'd travel to some distant place alone, somehow try to earn cash there, and just make friends with foreigners and chill out.
Last year when she took a trip to KL, my best friend Jaclyn had the golden opportunity to meet her, and my aunt impressed her to bits by telling her crazy stories, singing and dancing in a bath robe, and she ended up sleeping on her lap. Which is a first for Jaclyn, nobody dares to do that to her since Jaclyn is so scary.
She sounds like a raving lunatic, but holy maceron-ee, she's freaking rich. And no, she got rich all by herself, not that she married some rich ass or anything like that.
SO FREAKING COOL, RIGHT?
She is my inspiration, man! Oh, how I long to screw all my responsibilities, venture into a distant place and make an adventure for myself there. By myself.
And one thing I'm DYING to achieve --- I wish that when I'm like, really old and a grandmother ... I could tell my nephews/nieces/grandchildren so many funny and crazy stories. Never mind that most of my stories aren't righteous. I like controversy. Who gives a damn about law and the authorities? Blah
Actually, I'll have to say that my family is pretty cool. My sister is a devoted SPG who has literally seen the whole world and dated men from all over. And though she isn't married yet, she's finally mellowed down and is dating a g.o.r.g.e.o.u.s nice guy. My cousin sisters are damn cool as well, they've seen the world and both got married recently in their thirties. They also run a really successful beauty line business in SG and other parts of the world.
(And one of them married a korean. A KOREAN. QUITE CUTE SOMEMORE. WTFOMGBBQ THEIR KID IS GONNA BE MY NEW OBJECT OF OBSESSION, I SWEAR)
My fave cousin, my cousin brother who lives in L.A is basically ... doing nothing much in particular. But he's alive. He's happy. His life rules.
But when I think about my future, the whole picture-perfect family comes into mind first. Like wtf, I think that when I get married and have kids, my sister'll probably still be sassy, successful and still dating Martin.
And me? I'll probably land up in a boring, pointless 9-5 office job and come home everyday to a bunch of crying kids. Or alternatively, if nobody ever wants to marry me because I am so kiamsap, I could be working in a boring 9-5 office job and come home everyday to a bunch of barking dogs.
W. T. F.
In retrospect, that IS kinda what I want (minus the boring 9-5 job). It must feel damn nice to have cute kids to cuddle and a husband t pamper, right?
But I have only ONE chance at life! I don't mean this in an offensive way ... But I don't want to live my life just like everybody else. I want to do different things. I want to meet people that I would never dream of meeting. I want, SO badly, to live my life like my sister or my aunty ... To screw it all and just have fun. And get rich in the process. (I'm only picking my sis and aunt cause they're the only impressively rich ones)
And to gain all those experiences, friends and money on my own. Education? Wtf's that?
(ok, that's a phrase I learned from my sis. Not my fault ok.)
Go ahead, tell me I'm just being childish. Tell me that I'll never get rich if I don't go to college and get a good degree. Tell me I'm just dreaming and that I'm a dreamer. Because I'll probably tell you that you're right.
And I fking hate myself for that. That's why I think that I'll always only be just mediocre. I'm quite scared of offending people and the authorities. And that will always be my weakest point.
I'm not saying that rule-breaking is cool and convicts are great. I'm only saying that I WISH that I could stand up for my mindset and stand up for my own rules as well. What is life if you don't know who you really are, what you really stand for, right?
So don't tell me I'm pathetic. I don't think I'm pathetic (though close), and I'll forever not brush away the possibility of me living the life that I really want. Who knows, yea?
Anyway, my aunt is so cool, she offered to, get this, PAY FOR MY STUDIES IF I WANTED TO STUDY IN SINGAPORE.
Told you she's rich!
I was like, WHOA when I heard it. I mean, free education + a nice place to live in SG ... that's SO AWESOME@!!
But sad to say, I knew I could only laugh it off and pretend I wasn't interested when she was talking to me about it.
You see, my mother nearly broke down when my sister left Malaysia --- only to not come home forever. She only gets to see my sister once in, like, a year? And their relationship is shaky and they're simply not close anymore since she left for HK.
It nearly killed my mother when my sister left. It would kill her more if I left (c'mon, I dare say that if I ever had an opportunity to study overseas, and stay overseas, I wouldn't come back to KL). My mother and I are quite close and she's not that healthy, so she needs me to be here though she'll never really stop me if I REALLY wanted to go.
So its me against the world, in Malaysia, probably forever. It's lucky that I love my country quite a lot.
It's all good. :( I'm not that sad, despite the sad smiley face. Really. Hahaha.
Anyway, my dad's going to US next month for a holiday with my aunt. I don't think I can go, unless my sis or aunt's willing to pay for my air flight. And I'll be starting college in May, cause right now, I'm still figuring out what I really want in life. I think journalism is a bloody horrible idea. Actually, one of the reasons I'm DYING to do journo is because everybody is telling me what a bloody horrible idea it is, and I'm just DYING to prove them wrong. HAH.
I think I might broaden my horizons a bit. Can I be a tour guide?! (free travelling mah) A freaking manipulative, cunning, rich businesswomen?! A missionary with a heart of gold?!
I have to be at work at 8.30 a.m tomorrow, and here I am, blogging. Wahaha, don't ask me why the queen of Leisure and Laziness is working ... I get paranoid everytime I get broke. I mean, I'm not exactly broke now, but I could definitely use the extra cash. My parents never give me a lot of pocket money, yo.
So the queen of Leisure and Laziness is forced to crawl out of her lovely nest and work for dope.
I swear, my face is like this $___________$ now.
