Tuesday, March 14, 2006 || Post SPM results observations. *ahem*
- Listening to: Weezer - We are all on drugs (appropriate, no?)
Mood: ... Okay.
Hah, this whole SPM thing is really all but a game of life. It's like Snakes and Ladders, really ... If you study hard for it, or are EXTREMELY lucky, your pawn ascends up a ladder. If you don't study, or are a hopelessly unlucky ass, you slide down an evil looking snake.
As for me, I neither ascended, nor did I slide.
I was in the worst mood ever for about two hours after I received my results. For one, I don't understand idiots who don't seem to comprehend the meaning of "I did okay lah, but I really don't want to talk about it". At least four people continuously PESTERED me for my results.
"Wei ... Tell me lar. I won't tell anyone wan, I promise! TELLL LAAAA..."
Dude, in case you asses didn't get it right, the WHOLE point of me not wanting to talk about it, is that I'm not ready to let people know, right?! How freaking insensitive can you get? If somebody's grandmother passed away, you wouldn't badger and pester her for details of how and when she died, right?
Ish. Never mind. I guess some people must be REALLY curious about me ... Or, like Darien says, they just want someone who they think is 'worse' than them to compare with, to make themselves feel better and smarter. I think I kinda agree with him.
Guess what, fuckers (assuming you really don't care about me or my feelings at all), you're not going to enjoy the liberty of watching me fall down to my knees sobbing. I'm quite vulnerable now, but I'm not that weak either. Not even close.
You know, I think that I can be extremely fierce at times. I know that most of my friends have never seen me when I'm full-on pissed before ... but those who have are exceptionally nice and understanding towards me today. O_o
My parents seemed to be SO scared that my fuses would be blown or something. They were acting like I would suddenly scream, tear off my clothes, grab a couple of kitchen knives to fling it at them, and jump out of my window naked. I REALLY do appreciate them for, err, not giving me a hard time and for not giving me a 'I told you so' look.
At this point, most of you people would think that I'm spoilt, and that my parents should discipline me more. But my parents are slightly different from most ... they understand that I'm stubborn and that I learn by experience. e.g. If they told me that fire would burn my skin, I wouldn't believe them until I actually burned myself. So basically, they LET me make my own mistakes, so that I can learn and burn at my own expense ... (of course, they won't let me get pregnant or jump off a cliff or anything like that)
I'm definitely burned, alright. :P
I spent the day .... SHOPPING! :D I suddenly felt that I shouldn't confine myself in my own room today, and I jumped at the opportunity to go shopping in Sg Wang. But anyway, I ONLY spent 10 bucks. Can you even believe it?
Errr ... I think that I'm still sort of punishing myself. I feel like I don't deserve much luxuries for awhile. I went to a pet shop, because I REALLY wanted to buy a fat hamster. (It's supposed to be called Gizmo Elizabeth Lee the III) ... but a hamster cage is too expensive for me to afford. haha
It's weird how you find joy in the funniest of places. See, when I was on the bus from SG wang to return to Kota Raya, two very interesting fellers caught my attention.
Weird dude #1: There was this quite good looking and clean-cut dude who hopped up the bus at the same time as me.
... AND HE F*KING PRETENDED TO BE THE BUS CONDUCTOR. WTF?
He was yelling all sorts of crap, like 'NANTI ORANG TURN KAT KOTA RAYA MESTI TEKAN LOCENG!', bus conductor style.
Everybody ignored him, since they probably brushed him off as cuckoo, but I just couldn't stop laughing. I know, I know, I'm so kind.
Weird dude #2 - This tall, chinese guy was sitting opposite me in the bus, and he was holding a bunch of papers, which I recognized to be the much-dreaded SPM slip and the other certificates.
I can't remember clearly, but when I tried to peek, I think the dude was from some chinese school named Sun Hwa or something. I know I'm kepoh.
The dude stared at the papers in his hand, slowly flipping them one by one with a glazed look in his eyes.
HE LOOKED SO BLOODY SAD! Like a homeless puppy dog, awww. My heart totally went out to him. And I couldn only look at him forlornly from afar, since it would be the rudest thing ever to ask him something stupid like 'Hey! I see you got your SPM results! I got mine today, too! Life sucks, huh?'.
And then, after awhile, he put his papers aside and started crying softly. -_______________-
My God, I was so stunned and emo. Hahaha. I was reconsidering to slip him a note, maybe something that goes like 'hey ... don't be sad lah wei. Life still goes on, yo! If you ever need to talk, you can call me at 01x-xxxxxxx' (LOL), but I realized that I reached my bus stand and I had to leave the broken-hearted cute guy alone. :'(
I feel very much myself again. After all the shit over the past few weeks, I AM STILL that girl who laughs at fat men falling on banana skins, yet the same girl who will help the fat dude (while laughing). Who cares, anyway? I know for sure that being myself is still the most fun thing ever.
I feel really bad that my parents couldn't be proud of me. But I'm not someone who's perpetually trapped in the past. All I can say is, I can definitely do my best next time around, yea? Life is full of disappointments, and I have never really been disappointed with myself before (in fact, most of the time, I am pretty pleased and smug with myself)... today is my first taste of it. Disappointment.
And Disappointment tastes somewhat bittersweet. It leaves a bitter aftertaste that I never want to get used to. I'm not a religious person, but somewhere in the bible, I think that it says that God will never give you any hardships or temptations more than what you can bear ...
... And this, is something I CAN bear. I thank God actually, for I am quite humbled now. I don't think I'm overconfident anymore, though I guess that will still need some time to change.
I promise myself that I will succeed in life. For my own sake, and for my parents sake. They annoy me like heck quite a lot, but it's at times like these that I know how blessed I am. =D
