Saturday, June 03, 2006 || Bitch mode
- *Bitch mode*
I have a "friend", who almost ALL of my friends hate, cause she's what *we* refer to as "a freaking cheap girl".
I kid you not, she changes boyfriends like dirty underwear and flirts around with ALL members of the opposite sex, even if she's already in a relationship.
Of course, the most ironic thing of all is that she has the nerve to diss many of my friends and I behind our backs, telling other guys that we're so flirty, slutty, and et cetera. When in reality, almost all of us are single and NOT looking, as opposed to her, as she's practically not single and STILL looking, if you catch my drift .....
She also disses our fashion senses and shit. But everybody puts up with her cause she's the type that'd practically cry if she hears stuff that she doesn't wanna hear ...... So well, why go that far to tell her off right?
Lately, however, a guy friend of mine told me that she's been telling everybody around her bad shit about ME.
Apparently, she tells all the guys (and girls) that I use makeup and do "a lot of stuff" to my hair to .......
Attract attention from the opposite sex.
In other words, she just freaking labeled ME cheap. =(
The funny thing was, the first time the guy told me that, I found it SO ironic that she was calling ME cheap ... and I ended up laughing it off. I even went as far as to jokingly confess to her that I use make-up cause it's fun (it IS wat, wtf) and that I have pretty bad eye-bags, so I tend to try too hard to conceal them...
(In my own defence, I do know that I do a LOT of stupid crap to my hair, like dying it red and braiding it ... but pleaseeee lah. I know for a fact, even before actually doing it, that having red hair and funny braids does NOT make me look "prettier". Or more "attractive". =( Is it a crime to be curious and experiment just for the sake of it?!)
So I shrugged it off. Then a few days ago, a girl friend asked me if I have "really bad eyebags" ........
I told her "Yeah, I DO have bad eyebags, since I've been sleeping so late for the past few months" ... And then my friend told me that she heard it from her. -____- In other words, she not only told the whole world that I'm supposedly flirty and slutty, she ALSO innocently blurted out my biggest flaw to the universe.
OKOK, I know the eye bags thing isn't a big deal, since I'd openly admit it to just about anyone if they asked, and I'm sure that despite using make-up to "conceal" it, people can still tell that I have eyebgs .... but what REALLY REALLY pisses me off is the fact that she was supposed to be a friend and despite that, she STILL bitched about me behind my back.
Do I look flirty and cheap to you? I swear to God, I almost never flirt. At least, I REALLY don't think I do. I HATE girls who bat their eyelashes, pout and whack every guy's arm with a passion.
And maybe I do look better with normal black hair and a bare face. I'm not even gonna argue with that. But is it a freaking crime to use make-up? I use my own money to buy the shit on my face (and hair, haha), not yours. -_-;;
One of my biggest phobia and fear in life is actually being judged. And talked about behind my back. I feel damn sad and depressed everytime I feel pressured to be somebody I'm not, or when I'm judged for being who I really am. The most miserable phase of my life back when I was thirteen, wasn't REALLY because I looked really fugly back then .....
but it was miserable cause I knew that everybody talked about how I looked physically. Call me weak, but I absolutely cannot stand the feeling and I don't even wanna begin to learn how to stand it.
Right now, I've known for the first time in my life, what it feels like to REALLY REALLY HATE someone. I swear, I've disliked people before ... but I've never really HATED anyone's guts before.
..... I don't like the feeling. Everytime a guy tells me how manja and sweet she is to him, everytime I hear from a friend about all the shit she says behind my back, everytime she disses any of MY friends to ME ......
I feel this insane desire in me to just punch that innocent face of hers.
Or taking advantage of the fact that I KNOW she's pretty insecure and will be really depressed if I told her she's fat or something.
But no, I must control myself and refrain from doing anything of the sort. =( The only place I can vent my frustration is this blog (since she doesn't read it, heh), cause I don't really wanna stoop to her level. And I don't know, even though she's pissed me off so badly, I STILL don't really feel like inflicting the same kinda pain unto her, though she deserves it.
And to the bitch: COME ON, you and I know for a fact that I'm single because I'm too fucking busy and fussy, NOT because I wanna be "entitled" to wag my boobs at every male I see. You don't have to publicize that. Cause I think that you and I both know pretty well that I'm not like you.
And now, get the hell out of my life.
...... *sigh* Now I actually DO feel better. Blogging is good!
