Monday, November 28, 2005 || Not that kinda girl.
- Okay, so I am feeling confused, sad, disappointed and high on a caffeine overdose now. So this will be a serious post ...... somewhat.
I'm pretty sure that 40% of us girls around are like this. We act all innocent and puppy-eyed around guys and girls alike, trying to maintain an angelic farce and rep. Like, if a guy goes ... 'Do you masturbate?', such chicks will almost DEFINITELY widen their eyes, smack the guy's arm and exclaim, "EEEYER! You're so gross lah! *blush blush*"
When in actuality, they might be even hornier than - ME -.
Cause, you see, I don't hide anything. In my case, what you see is DEFINITELY what you'll get --- even less. Cause I only talk horny and make stupid sex jokes because, well, I don't see any purpose in pretending to be holy and innocent when my mind IS rather corrupted. =(
And so, one of my friends happens to be that kinda girl. You know, the innocent, wide-eyed, religious type that'd wince whenever I crapped about sex. And would tell me to 'behave'. Anyway, I became rather close friends with her over time and she suddenly tells me something like this:
"Oh, I've been having sex with Damon/Jim/(insert random male name here)
... Which seriously makes me feel like tearing my hair out of its roots and screaming in agony.
No lah, just exaggerating. But still, I feel so deceived, you know?
I'm seriously DAMN open-minded about nudity, sex and all that jazz. The one time my friend and I were walking home from 7/11 and we saw a NAKED
I don't believe in reputations. Or following the crowd. Neither do I really care, nor want to know what other people think of me. :D
But I've always believed in myself, first and foremost. I have done many, many crazy, bad and downright STUPID things in my life.
Like the time I shoplifted, when I was dared by a friend, back in form four. (I DO NOT feel good about this, and it was the first AND the last time. :( )
Or the time when I was two-timing some weird feller that I dated cause, well, I was bored.
But those were in the past. And shall remain there. For me, I don't believe in concealing past sins and mistakes, because those'd be dug out sooner or later anyway ... What's the point, right? I might as well own up to it, and face whatever consequence there is.
If I wasn't a virgin, I seriously wouldn't hide it from the world.
But putting aside all the negative confessions I just made about myself ... I still believe in values and I'll never ever let go of my beliefs.
One thing I still believe in is the sacredness of sex. I still believe, and I hold on to the fact that even in THIS day and THIS generation, virginity is still important.
Especially for girls ... Your first time is ultimately going to be your most precious memory and moment of your entire life. Why the hell would you want to give away that moment of pain and awakening pleasure to some random guy who may (or may not) fuck another girl the same way?
Well, maybe I haven't done it before, so I'm not in any position to say this ... But what is sex without love? It's merely a biological reaction that induces pleasure. And THAT'S IT. Nothing more, nothing less. Just nature.
Me, I'm still a hopeless romantic at heart. And despite of all the broken marriages and cases of guys cheating on their girlfriends ... I guess I still believe that true love DOES exist.
And true love waits.
Just like any other girl and guy out there ... I'm a teenage girl with raging hormones. But I also happen to be a teenage girl with a heart. And even though I'll admit that I don't use it enough ... I have a conscience, and I have brains as well. I am aware that NOT studying is possibly going to screw up my future. I'm aware that I might be making the wrong decisions all the time. But those are the risks that I find worth taking ... Because, well, I'm just being me. =D
But being the airheaded person that I am, believe it or not, I almost need to continue holding on and reaching for the dreams and beliefs that make me, well, me.
I think that in the end, it'll make the experience all the more more beautiful, sentimental and meaningful. =)
Why am I suddenly broaching this topic, you ask?
...... Well, a pretty good friend of mine just informed me that she has been having unprotected sex with her boyfriend for a few times last month.
...... And she is still waiting for her period.
*Sigh*
God bless you, my child. :(
P.S. Btw, Happy Birthday to Kenny Sia, who most probably does not know that this blog exists.
