Wednesday, November 23, 2005 || A heart-wrenching tale of my first love and I.
- Listening to: Nothing's Gonna Change My Love for You - Air Supply
Mood: EMO
Am feeling very sad, touched, lovesick, emo and disconnected at the moment. :'(
Maybe it was because of my incredible stupidity in writing 'Saling bekerjasama dan membantu' instead of 'Saling membantu dan bekerjasam' for my moral paper.
Maybe it was caused by my fleeting and sleepy mind, when I was literally scribbling shit on my moral paper, that my mind wandered to him.
And now, I feel like I'm ready to tell the tale of my loved one and I. The unedited version. Something even my best friends have yet to hear. An experience I will always cherish, and will hold close to my heart till eternity. =(
It may be long. It may be boring. But I'm too overwhelmed by this wave of emotions to care. I need to do this, and move on.
We met in Adventure Camp, he and I. I went alone, as my friends were all in their LEO Leadership camp. I remember standing at the receptionist's desk, staring at the crowd, hoping to see a familiar face ...
Then I saw him.
Dark brown hair, twinkling dark eyes and a million dollar smile that literally melted my heart into melted marshmellows. I widened my eyes and choked on my coke, due to my thumping heart, which was out of control.
"Hi ... you okay?" he asked me, in a deep, soronous voice that sent tingles down my spine.
Which sparked the beginning of a beautiful friendship. And later, an even more beautiful love story, more tantalizing than any fairy tale. Sweeter than the sweetest of apples. Lovelier than diamonds.
"I love you, darling ... " I whispered to him. Being the hopeless romantic that I am, I gently pulled him closer for a sweet kiss. We were both young, energetic and hopelessly in love. Full of zest for life and even more for each other.
I stared at the dark, cloudless December sky that twinkled with stars, as Eric Clapton's Tears in Heaven softly played in the background. His arms enclosed around my waist, and he whispered sweet nothings into my ear that almost made cry.
"I love you too, Liz. For everything that you are. For the person that you see in me. The person that I am, because of you ......"
I gave him my soul, my heart, and my virginity that night.
But like every fairytale, there must be an ending to a story.
And here is mine.
Like almost every weekend, we met for our date in MidValley. It was a day like no other, and I was happy and gay, unknowing of the pain that was about to embrace me.
"I have something to tell you, Liz ..." his haunting voice still echoes in the depths of my heart, till this very day.
"I'm not in love with you anymore ... "
I felt hot tears well up in the corner of my eyes and I shook my head, not wanting to hear anymore, yet he continued ......
"I'm so sorry ... I did love you so ... But I fell in love with Eric ..."
Which caused my heart to stop beating as I gaped at him. Eric was my tennis partner.
"I never told anybody this, Liz ... But I'm bisexual." He said, almost a whisper.
I was crushed.
For the first time in my life, I finally knew what the word 'heartbroken' meant.
I was torn apart from the depths of my heart, for in the same day, I did not only lose my boyfriend, and the love of my life ... But I had lost Eric, as well.
I've learnt so much from him. I've learnt that first love is as sweet as any other. I've learnt that some memories never fade.
Some scars never heal. Time has healed the wounds in my heart, but I will never forget his dazzling smile, or his intense gaze. I still shudder when I think of his touch.
I still love him, nor will I ever forget him. =(
I've learnt that I'm who I am today, because of him.
I've also learnt that SPM is perpetually screwing with my brains, thus resulting in me becoming a great liar. HAHA!
I'm so bored. =_=
