Monday, October 10, 2005 || My life is too short.
- Am feeling very serious and philosophical today. Hey, give me a break, a girl's allowed to venture away from her usual cheekiness and be serious, you know? :P
It's already the 9th of October. The ninth day, of the tenth month of the year ...
Time flies.
No, I'm not going to rant about my upcoming SPM ... Truth be told, I don't really care about my SPM. Yes fellow form five students, shudder in horror at this rebellious/stupid/wayward girl. There are firsts for everything ... and if this's the first time you're witnessing a girl from a so-called top science class, from a so-called established school proclaiming her lack of interest in SPM ...
There are first times for everything, no?
I just came to a conclusion about something, today. My life is limited.
Yes. Weird conclusion, huh? Just one month before the 'most important exam' of her life begins ... a girl comes to that conclusion. I sure am funny.
You see, I'm only seventeen. I may be only seventeen, but have you realized that seventeen years is a pretty long time? That's like, almost 6300 of the days of my life. Gone. Just like that, in a wink of an eye.
Hey, add another seventeen years down the lane, and I'll be 34 years old. *shivers*
Yes, my life is limited. I haven't really done anything with my life, thus far. There are so many things that I've yet to experience ... and it makes me wonder, do I have enough time to do the things that I want to do?
If I died tomorrow, would I die happy? (Touch wood!!!)
The answer is ... No. I wouldn't, even though I know that I'll be going home to heaven, and everything. Dying without knowing or actually feeling ... To me, that would be a kind of regret I could never live with.
See, I'll never know what it feels like to skinny dip in the mountains. I have not sailed on a yacht, feeling the lovely sea breeze blow across my face as I stare at the seemingly endless blue ocean. I wouldn't even know what it is like, to sit on the love boats Paris is famous for, with someone I truly love, enjoying the, err, dark tunnels.
Such simple things, ya? Yet I haven't done any of it. Such a waste of seventeen years, if I may say so.
I spent almost 11 years of my life, learning stupid things that I'll be sure to forget (besides my language skills, which I am entirely grateful for. :P). I blame it on my school, who placed me in Science Stream, a place where I never belonged in the first place, and for not allowing me to switch to the Arts. As sick as it sounds, there are times when I even blame my PMR results. For if I didn't luck out, and got straight As for it, I'd be in somewhere more useful for sure.
I'm so sorry if you're a science stream student, and you're offended by this. I'm simply not interested in memorizing scientific formulas that I'll forget, the same way I've already forgotten all the stupid geography maps that we learnt in form 3.
For me, my main priority in life is actually living life itself. Following my guts, and my dreams. Experiencing the unknown, to see what it's like. Having fun, as long as nobody gets hurt while I'm at it. Loving the people around me, knowing that they love me too.
I don't really care much for money, though I'll admit it to be an incredibly useful luxury. I don't care for certificates, because I don't think that a bunch of printed words are going to fully display my real potential, and my level of intelligence. Heck, if you asked me, I've already mastered the only skills that our Malaysian education system instills in its students. Memorization and repetition.
All of us have our purposes and dreams. Who doesn't? Who hasn't thought about the future, daydreamed about our tomorrows, and the person, whoever he/she is, that we'll be holding close ten years down the lane?
Well, not me. I know what I want in life, and I'm incredibly happy that I do. :D I may be excessively narcissistic, sort of bimbotic and some may even view me as wild ... But you know what? At least I know what I'm living for. =) And, despite all the crazy stuff that I intend to do, I'm pretty sure that the purpose that I'm living for, is a good cause.
I'm happy. :)
Despite all that, I still think that my life is limited. You see, I'll never know what it's like to:
1) Walk around nude. (MPPJ will screw me T.T)
2) Visit the Bermuda Triangles, or the Lost City of Atlantis. (I would probably die, before I even reach within 100 miles of it. Not to mention they're probably fictional places. T.T)
3) Be an emperor. (Wrong century.)
4) Practise martial arts, and kick Jackie Chan's ass in a dual. :P (Don't know tae-kwon-do, kaido, or whatever-do.)
5) Have boobs as big as Pamela Anderson's. (No money to go for surgery, will probably not be able to walk properly with 'em anyway ...)
The list is a lot longer, but I'm too lazy to post it up lar. Why not you guys do the honours for me? T.T
I've always loved writing ... and that's the sole reason why I started blogging. I even love trying out different writing styles, just for the sake of it. But I've realized how easy it is to sway and start blogging to entertain other people, instead of myself. I would never want to lose my 'touch' or my style, just because there are other more amusing blogging styles. :P Like I said in my dumb post on blogging ... I blog to amuse myself. :D And well, if you like reading me ... I'm happy and flattered!
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I don't want to die tomorrow, without fulfilling my hopes and dreams beforehand. Hehe. I don't really believe in Fate ... (I do believe that some people are fated for each other, though. :P) I believe that we control fate. So, guys, if you like that hot chick you saw the other day on the streets ... go ask for her number, lar! Hehe.
If I had a choice, or if I had a say in this ... I wouldn't be sitting for my SPM.
I would be in Europe, doing this:
Liz hopes to one day be thin enough to sky dive.
And hopefully, thin enough to sky dive with a pig, and yet still be able to be supported by the parachute.
Besides proving that I look perpetually stupid/dumb/weird, I have also proven to myself that I'm not in control of everything. :( Sigh.
Seriously, my fellow lengchais and lengluis (I may be a bit perasan to write this T.T since I'm pretty convinced nobody reads my blog .. ), start living for yourself and the people that you love. :D
And, don't judge me for being weird, k? *sniffs*
