Tuesday, October 04, 2005 || One More Time
I wrote this story on impulse, as I was deeply, deeply inspired by this song: Laura Pausini - One More Time, from the Message in a Bottle soundtrack. Download it if you haven't listened to it! It's such a sad and meaningful song ... *sniff* Seriously. I must've listened to it at least 30 times while writing this story.
And, you know, I think that this may just be my favourite story yet. I know that a lot of people hate reading blogs with too many words (well, at least only some of my friends ...), but I don't care. :P Sue me.
Dedicated to whoever who reads this blog. And to John Ling, to the success of his new book. And also, welcome home, Cally!
'Nothing I must do, Nowhere I should be ... No one in my life, To answer to but me ...'
"Celeste, you don't belong." A pudgy boy said to me, pushing me aside as I fell on the grass. "You'll never be our friend, you're so ugly. Even my mother said so." the other kids sneered at me, laughing as I struggled to get back on my feet.
I was obese for my age. When I was younger, I was sickly and had an unnatural growth and immune system. I wasn't as tall as the other kids my age. I was shorter, I ran slower and I stuttered when I spoke.
A thin boy, with scrawny black hair and battered-looking clothes pushed his way through the crowd of giggling kids, and handed me a handkerchief. I hesitated, but I took it anyway, and tried to wipe away the teardrops that trickled down my cheeks. He held out a muddy hand to me, and gently pulled me back to my feet.
"I'm Damon. Can I be your friend?"
I nodded, smiling through my tears.
'No more candlelight, No more purple skies ... No one to be near, As my heart slowly dies ... '
"And according to the votings, which were held last month ... Your new eighth grade president is ..." My heart thumped in anticipation, as I held my friend Sarah's hand tightly."... Caroline! Congratulations. Will you please come up and proceed with your winning speech?" the school principal proclaimed loudly into the microphone as everybody started clapping. My heart stopped, and ignoring Sarah's words of comfort, I ran out of the hall.
'Celeste, you don't belong ...' The words that haunted my past kept ringing in my head, over and over again, taunting and hissing in the shadows of my mind. Unknowingly, I found myself running to that park, once again. It started to rain, but I didn't care. I sat on the swings and cried. 'I'll never be good enough ... I'll never belong.' I thought bitterly, hugging myself tightly as the raindrops drenched me soaked from head to toe.
"Celeste, what are you doing here?" I heard a familiar voice call out, and I turned my head to see Damon standing in the rain, soaked to the bone like I was. He walked towards me and sat on the swing beside me. "How did you find me?" I choked out, trying to control my tears.
"I saw you running out of the school hall, so I came after you. Everybody's worried about you." He softly said, while gently wiping my tear-stained face with his handkerchief. "Do you always carry these around?" I joked, remembering the fateful day when we first met as kids.
"I do." He answered, winking at me. He expression hardened and he said:" Celeste, I know you're upset about not winning, but no matter what, you'll always be number one to me, okay?"
I sadly smiled and looked away, feeling the raindrops trickle down my face. "You didn't have to come, Damon."
He grinned at me and gently pushed the wet strands of hair away from my forehead. "I wanted to, Celeste. I would never leave you crying alone ..." He murmered softly, looking away as he blushed.
'If I could hold you one more time, like in the days when you where mine ... I'd look at you 'till I was blind, So you would stay ... '
"I want us to be together forever ..." Damon whispered into my ear, holding me closer as we swayed to the music, his gray eyes boring into mine. It was our senior prom, and Damon and I had been dating for almost four years. "You know I won't leave you ... " I whispered back, giggling as he softly kissed my neck.
"This moment... The look in your eyes when you smile at me. The way you fit into my arms. The way you look tonight ... I'd capture it all if I could, and engrave it in my mind. I'll always love you. You know that?" He murmured softly. I could almost see tears glinting in the corner of his eyes, and I closed my eyes and rested on his shoulders. Knowing that if I said anything, I would cry as well.
"He's not good enough for you, Celeste." My mother snapped at me. "Now, we've set our eyes on you marrying Mr. Charles's son, Shane. Such a fine gentlemen, from such a refined family ..." she droned on, glaring at me from the corner of her eyes.
"I only love Damon. We plan to get married, mother." I retorted, frowning in anger at her nonsensical utterings.
"That's impossible! Your father and I absolutely forbid it. We only beared with it the past four years because we thought that you'd come to your senses by the time you're an adult. He'll never be good enough for you, Celeste." She yelled, apparently aggravated by my outburst. "In fact," she added, with a smirk on her face." Your father and I had a few words with him yesterday."
I froze. I remember myself running out of the house, despite my mother's screamings, and I headed for Damon's dormitory.
"Damon? Where are you? Don't listen to my parents!" I shouted in a frenzy, as though I was possessed. "Damon ...", I whispered. I sat on his bed, staring at the empty room that greeted my sight. I noticed an envelope on his desk and I hesitantly reached for it.
My dearest Celeste,
I wish I had the courage to say this to your face. But I can't. It'd kill me to see the tears spilling down your face, or the hurt that'd unfold in your eyes. The truth is, I'm a coward.
I wish you never met me. I wish I could rewind time, and erase that magical moment when we were only seven, the first time we both met someone to call a friend. All I can say is, I'm sorry.
Your parents have offered me a lot of money to leave you. They're right, you deserve somebody stronger than me. I need that money for my education, Celeste. I had to do this, there was no other way out, for I could never have provided for you even if we got married.
I love you. I'm sorry.
Love,
Damon
I stared at the letter in disbelief, and I slowly felt my heart tear apart as I re-read it. I journeyed back through time, and I could feel every single anguish I felt, when I was alone and rejected by everyone I loved. But this was a thousand times more painful. I blankly sat on his bed, waiting for the tears to come.
But the tears never came.
'I've memorized your face, I know your touch by heart ... Still lost in your embrace, I'd dream of where you are ...'
Ten years passed by, and I was twenty eight. I was successful, had a handsome fiancé, and I seemed to be living a picture-perfect life. But somehow, Damon's scrawny hair and gray eyes still haunted my dreams, and I hated him for leaving me. I hated myself more for still loving him so much, even so.
I heard a knock on my door, and when I opened it, a dark-haired lady with deep gray eyes smiled nervously at me.
"Are you Celeste?" she asked me, nervously twiddling with her hair. "Yes, I am ... Do I know you?" I answered in confusion.
"I'm ... ah ... I'm Damon's cousin. There are some things that I thought you should know ... " she said, staring at me intently as I felt the anger within me boil.
"I'm not interested." I snapped, as I tried to close the door, but she gripped my hand tightly. "Damon never jilted you, Celeste. He never took the money your parents offered him. He left because he felt that you deserved better, and he has been living in depression and regret ever since then." She said loudly, glaring at me.
"What? I ... " I tried to soak in all in, and feeling faint, I muttered:" Where is Damon, now? How is he?"
"He's dead, Celeste." She said wearily. "He was on the way to your graduation ceremony, two years ago, to apologize and explain to you, but he was hit by a drunk driver." She hesitated, a tear trickling down her cheek, before adding:" I didn't want to tell you, but I felt incredibly guilty and I thought you should know. I'm sorry. He's gone."
'I'd say a prayer each time you'd smile, Cradle the moments like a child ... I'd stop the world if only I could hold you one more time ...'
I gazed out at the beautiful ocean, staring at the cloudless red skies and reminiscing of all the magical moments that once filled my life. '... I'd capture it all if I could, and engrave it in my mind. I'll always love you. You know that?' Damon's voice echoed in my head, and I smiled a sad smile.
"I know, Damon." I whispered. "I know."
I read the letter that I was clutching once again, feeling a teardrop slowly roll down my cheek.
Dear Damon,
I've always loved you, and I'll never forget you. You know that? Everything that I see, all the voices that I hear, they all remind me of you. Your smile. Your kisses. The way you'd say 'I love you, baby' to me almost everyday.
Do you know that? Can you feel my love, from heaven? Are you smiling sadly down at me, the way I'm sadly smiling up at you?
I miss you, Damon. I miss you so much, I'm getting crazy. I'll never forget you. I cannot even begin to imagine life without you, knowing that you've always loved me the way I loved you.
I forgive you. I love you, Damon.
Love,
Celeste
I gently tucked the letter into an envelope, and I placed it into a glass bottle. After planting a kiss on the bottle, I threw it into the sea and watched it bob and float away in the waves. 'It was enough', I thought. 'Damon'd understand why I have to do this ... '
"I'm coming, Damon." I softly whispered, and felt myself falling and drowning into reveries and shadows of the past, and the sweet, serene memories that haunted my heart, soul and mind ... Finally, the loneliness was gone, and it was replaced with bliss.
The End
