Wednesday, October 05, 2005 || I'm the best. Period.
- Finally, some people did my tag. I love you, Wen Che and Michy.
Okay, so I had a fight with a good friend yesterday night. And in the wee hours of the morning, I sent a SMS to her to apologize, but she replied with a rude and simply sarcastic comment. Wtf.
That sent my spirits soaring. I was so pissed, I IMed everybody on my MSN (those who were online, of course): Life Sucks. I was boiling so much that I nudged a poor, innocent guy at least 20 times.
I swear, girl, if everybody decides to block me and I don't have anymore people to chat with online, it's your fault. *curses under breath*
Anyway, I originally wanted to dedicate a post to this beloved friend of mine, but after reconsidering it, I decided to dedicate a post to bitch about other girls, and worship myself.
If you can't stand excessive narcissism, here's your cue to leave.
Oh, wait. Don't leave, I was just kidding. *puppy dog eyes*
*drumroll*
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Liz's thoughts on some of her friends, who happen to be incredibly BAD girlfriends
Never mind the fact that I'm boyfriendless. I shalt push that nagging thought aside, and continue indulging in my ever-expanding ego and/or bitchiness.
Lousy Girlfriend Scenario One:
*phone rings*
Me: Hello?
Friend A: Elizaaaaaaaa ... I'm bored.
Me: It's four a.m in the morning, girl ... by the way, isn't Benjamin at your house, or
something.
Friend A: I got rid of him. *sighs deeply* I faked a stomach ache, so he went home already.
Me: Uh. I thought he was supposedly Mr Right, and the love of your life?
Friend A: Dunno. I'm getting bored of him. He's getting annoying. Like today, he kept on crapping about his stupid new shirt. Tell me, who cares about a stupid shirt? My shirts are all nicer, but you don't see me talking about them, right?
Me: I think you do ........
Friend A: Never mind. Let's go yum cha tomorrow. I told Benjamin I got class.
Lousy Girlfriend Scenario two:
Friend B: That stupid cow forgot to help me reload my phone today.
Me: Who? Your mother? (I should slap myself for this :( )
Friend B: Nono. Benji. (fictitious names, what'd you expect?)
Me: Wah, I thought he pays for practically everything you own? Now he helps you reload your phone as well?
Friend B: Duh. What are boyfriends for?
Me: Cash?
Friend B: Well, not only that lah, but yeah.
Lousy Girlfriend Scenario 3
*phone rings* (Again?! Why do these boy-crazed people keep on calling me in the middle of the night?)
Friend C: Elizaaaaa ... *bursts out laughing* LOL LOL LOL
Me: What the? What happened??
Friend C: HAHAHHAHAA, you know what the dude just did? Okay, so he comes to my house, and he starts getting emo and everything, telling me that he feels so sad that we're drifting apart and all ...
Me: So? What did you say?
Friend C: SO I SAID, Baby, No matter what happens and no matter how far the distance between us is .. You'll always be in my heart. I may not seem to share my life with you that much, but I know, for sure that I want to share my heart with you.
Me: You *bleep*ing hypocrite ... O.o
Friend C: YES I KNOW! AM I ROMANTIC OR WHAT?
..........
I personally think that if I were a guy, and I found out that my girl friend were doing these to me, I'd strip her and leave her crying alone on Bukit Gasing. How distasteful. It almost makes me feel sad, for being a
Can I do the honours of stripping her and leaving her sore and naked in the Klang Rivers?
Girls should be nice to their boyfriends. Period. Unless you're sassy and single like me, then you should be nice to everyone.
I shall further deliberate on why I am the best girl out there.
*drumroll* (again? Wtf.)
-----------------------
Why is Liz the best potential girlfriend to ever grace planet earth, who is yet still single, which proves that the world is indeed coming to an end.
Hereforth, thou shalt be entranced by my beautiful prowess. (?!?!?!)
This is proof that no matter how nice, sweet and humble I may appear to be in real life, I'm just the same as any other person out there, and I have quite a huge ego, and self-love instilled in me.
*blows trumpet, which causes my cute, chubby cheeks to expand by 1 cm*
1) I am nice.
Don't believe that I'm nice? I'm helping Kok Loong in his journey of Capturing Sweet Ivy's heart. Never mind that he hasn't succeeded yet, thus far. I'm so nice, I made a free banner for my online friend yesterday. Now, who offers to make free banners for someone they have not even met before? (Imaginary Crowd: Liz Liz Liz!!) Never mind that it sucked.
I'm so nice, I give fifty cents to the beggar I meet every Thursday, at Pasar Malams. I'm so nice, I bought a packet of vagina wipes for my best friend's birthday. Now, tell me, is there anybody more considerate than I am, and puts in as much thought into a simple act of buying birthday gifts for best friends, like I do?
I thought about it for at least five days, and I came to the conclusion that my best friend adores her own genitals, so I bought the most useful product for her.
My wisdom is killing me.
2) I am talented.
Don't believe that I am? I can speak in six languages, wei! Even though I doubt that saying 1 to 10, and cursing in tamil counts ... Hmm. I'm so talented, I even have a guitar (?!?!?!). Never mind that it only has four strings.
I'm so talented, I wrote a song about that ass who deceived me, back in December. It doesn't matter that I've lost the, uh, notes.
3) Animals love me.
Dogs adore me. Cats love me. Chickens crave me. (???) Lizzards talk to me, because we share the similiar name.
Animals are unlike humans. They supposedly are less intelligent than us. So if members of the less intelligent species love ME, one does come to the conclusion that humans'd definitely be smitten by electrifyingly plump me.
Behold the blissed out expression on the dog's face. The shining eyes. The almost smiling mouth.
Almost as cute as me, I swear.
Overlook the fact that I'm stranggling it.
I look God-awful here, but I shall accept is as a lack of posing skills on my part, for the camera itself will never be able to capture the depth of my kawaii-ness anyway.
If female dogs want to kiss me, I swear, I've got to be the most kissable thing on planet earth.
Better than Hershey's kisses, I'm telling ya. Look at the obsessed expression on the canine's face.
Liz thinks that this is THE worst picture of her, ever, but posts it up anyway, to prove that not only is she nice, she's the most sporting girl in Malaysia, and the whole continent.
I can't help it. Fifi is just too cute to be true. Of course, I'm cuter, despite my fugly, scrunched-up face.
4) I love food.
Now, tell me, who doesn't love a girl who is knowledgeable about food and eats as much as a guy, and yet manages to maintain her sexy and bootylicious figure? (My inner voice is telling me to stop living in denial, but I've pushed my conscious aside.)
Everybody loves a girl who loves sushi and pizza.
Would you want to date a girl who only eats TWO bites on dates with you, and smiles sweetly at you, while watching YOU gobble up your food?
I eat 200 bites. And you can wait for me to finish eating my food, and appreciate my pretty face when I'm chewing my food, while you're at it.
5) I'm a gamer.
Okay, girl gamers are sexy. I repeat, girl gamers are sexy. Even Eu Jin says that watching pretty girls playing DoTA is sexy. (Wait ... since when do I play Dota? Hmm)
Wouldn't you LOVE being with a girl who plays gunbound
Never mind the fact that girl gamers are probably lifeless geeks. *blinks* Do I look like a geek to you?
Do I?
Do I?
Of course, I could go on and on and on on why I am basically the best there is ... but really, why point out the other points like I'm Pretty and I have a killer sense of humour, when it is so obvious already?
This shall suffice.
This shall suffice.
I even manage to look pretty, when I'm faceless. Wow. Dedicated to that twerp who rejected my oh-so-sweet apology.
Happy Halloween Month, ya'll.
Narcissism is good. I'm starting to love myself more already. I'm even feeling unpissed already.
I give myself five hours before I come to my senses, and delete this post.
Don't you just love me?
Narcissism is good. I'm starting to love myself more already. I'm even feeling unpissed already.
I give myself five hours before I come to my senses, and delete this post.
Don't you just love me?
