Thursday, March 15, 2007 || Defining
- So I had a series of really weird dreams. I kept on waking up after each of them - only to go back to sleep - and dream of something again.
Really weird, 'cause the dreams felt SO real. And unlike usual dreams, whereby I totally forget the dream after 5 minutes of waking up, I still remember them.
My first dream, I dreamed that I was on a train ride with someone I used to love ... but a certain Female Who Shall Remain Anonymous was sitting in between us, chatting away. My second dream, I dreamed that I was in a themepark ala Genting, and my ... mother died. O_____O
I remember bawling like shit in the dream. And when my phone rung and woke me up from the nightmare, there were tears trickling down my cheeks and I felt exactly the way I felt in the dream. I almost instinctively called up my dad to ask him about mum. SO FREAKY.
So I freshened up and went to DreamMoods for interpretations of my dream.
What I found:
What?! Do I lack a certain quality that my MUM has that I don't? What is it ... Patience? A smaller ego? (Mine is as big as Mount Everest hoho) Intelligence?!
It can't indicate that my mum has no part in my life, because well ... she is my mother. -_- So what exactly do I lack?
OH I know ... she's married and off the market, while I'm not! Is that it? -_-
By the way, I've realized that living "alone" isn't as tragic as I thought it would be. For one, even though my house now looks like a Bachelor's pad with PS2 CDs, magazines and my dog freely running around ... I must say that I've found myself to be incredibly paranoid about dishes and rubbish. I keep on picturing maggots in my kitchen - and voila, I immediately hurry to get the rubbish out, even if it's only a quarter full! And the sink is always clean. =D
My kitchen is cleaner than even when my mother was at home. :D Yay! I won't be such a shitty wife and mother after all.
And oh, the house is NOT more quiet than usual. With occasional friends around, my hall stereo blasting with music 24/7 ... Me, shouting at Fifi for shitting so often. Me, murmering to myself that the tortoises are so useless and smelly. Me, talking on the phone loudly or webcamming on MSN with the mic ......
My house is very lively, indeed. Yay.
Labels: Miscellaneous
Tuesday, March 13, 2007 || Crappy exams
- I just had the worst English paper ever, I think. I mean, I definitely don't think that I can get an A for this one, since my lecturer gave me crappy assignment marks - no backup!
sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. =(
Okay I don't know about the rest who did the same paper as me, but I spotted a lot of trick questions. The thing is, I could spot the tricky bits, but I have no idea if I made the right choice or not. In fact, I took so many risks, I wonder if I'm stupid in doing so. Even my essay was a HUGE risk, 'cause I deliberately wrote something I knew everyone else wouldn't. Just to be different, you know? Arrrrhhh!
Okay. Breath in, breath out. Think blissful thoughts. Hot guys. Yum.
So anyway, it isn't news that I barely study. Whenever an exam is just RIGHT around the corner ... I feel an intense rush in me - a surge of andrenaline - that helps me study more effectively in two hours than I would in two days. It's a feeling I love indulging in.
... But I haven't felt it at all this time around. OMG I think I'm doomed.
Oh yeah, since I have not posted pics of them, ever:
I've always found them to be pretty boring creatures with no purpose in life other than to eat and hide in their shells. But on closer inspection, they're kind of cute.
And oh, they're called Cow and Chicken.
(I'm lying. Truthfully, I just realized my tortoises don't have names! Omg time to brainstorm)
Ever since Jaclyn got back from NS, I'm pretty surprised at the, uh, changes in her.
Her malay has improved ... to the extent of me not being able to tell the difference in slang when she was speaking the same time as another malay girl. Whoa.
I mean, my malay isn't that bad (since 30% of people think i'm malay anyway) but it is practically slang-less, since I don't speak it all the time. But apparently, her best friends in NS were all malays from Kuantan/Sabah, so her melayu is like, best giler babi now. She even accidentally speaks malay to me now. o.O
She used to be uber racist and made racist comments whenever I liked malay guys or guys that aren't chinese. She used to raise her eyebrows whenever I listen to malay or indonesian songs. She used to say that malay-indian-chinese relationships wouldn't really work out because of the differences in language, yada yada.
She now cries every night 'coz she misses singing Indigo's Istimewa with her dorm mates. o_O
I'm all out for interracial relationtionships 'cause I feel like they could actually be really healthy ... so if she suddenly dates/marries someone from NS, I'll be totally happy for her. =D
My conclusion: NS is good. Ask your younger brother/sister to apply for it. Heehee
Labels: Miscellaneous
Monday, March 12, 2007 || Home Alone.
- I just discovered that my parents are smart people.
Really, really smart.
See, they were planning to go on a Holiday for a week in March ... without me, because I basically wanted to
... And they were SMART enough to pick, of all weeks, my EXAM week to take their much-desired holiday. What the?!
Now I have to clean the whole house, feed the birds, dog and tortoises, wash my own clothes, wash the dishes, cook ...... all while trying to cram in last-minute information for my exams. =(
*BIG sigh* Plus, I think that I may just get my first non-A ever for my English paper. I managed to escape that fate for my EN101, but I don't think it'll happen again for EN102, seeing how screwed up my assignment marks were. (I don't even wanna go there ... *pissed*)
Why lah? =(
Oh, so mummy wrote this out for me to help me "survive on my own".
... As though lah I'm very helpless and could potentially kill the dogs and tortoises by forgetting to feed them. =(
Why don't my parents *ever* trust me? But I'll have to admit, I laughed when mummy handed me the paper.
I'm gonna be alone for a week! Wow. At times like this, I wish that I have a boyfriend who could come over to watch crappy movies and play PS2 with me. I can even totally play 'guy'
games like football/NFL/Need for speed!
Yes yes I'm very love deprived. Yes yes I'm very cuddle deprived. :(
Okay I guess I'll just invite random friends over to crash at my place. And I guess I'm competent enough to not burn down my house. Heehee
P.S. Jaclyn is back from Terengganu! Nice to have my best friend around again.
Labels: Miscellaneous
Saturday, March 10, 2007 || Football mania
- In the midst of me losing all my 'fire' and 'burning desire' to chronicle my life, I've forgotten what it's like to take pics of my everyday life.
And also, the bliss in posting 'em up in my blog and grinning inwardly at a satisfying post. Since pictures are worth a thousand words.
It's okay! Time to start again and make up for lost time. =D
So anyway, we went to play football this morning. (me, being horribly late as usual)
I figured that I should play other sports besides badminton, since it *is* my new year's resolution to 'pick up a new sport'. -_-
But I don't think that it's football. 'Cause I basically pretty much SUCK at it. In the end, we all played Monkey instead. -____-
I leaned on John's back a bit to take pics, but when I moved, my pants was WET with his sweat. EWWWWWWWWWWWWW! SO sweaty and gross. =(
I am officially mortified. =(
(hahaha okay you know I'm kidding john. but it was gross.)
"Pose like you guys just scored a goal!", I shouted.
The outcome:
And after a very "fruitful" football session, we went back to Asaph's place to chill out, play guitar, and eat McDs.
Came home and slept till 7. =.=
Okay I feel like playing pool! or playing dota in Asia Cafe. But am also feeling somewhat lazy to go out .......
Oh ... where on earth is my inspiration to study? *sigh*
Labels: pictures
Wednesday, March 07, 2007 || What life -supposedly- is
- They say that life is all about risks - that you should always grasp for what you want, even if you have no idea what the outcome could be like.
But what happens when you can't?
How many rejections can you really handle, how many risks that ended up a disaster can you face? Before you finally break into a million pieces?
I've spent my whole life trying to build a 'strong' image. That I'm independant, strong-willed and that I don't give much of a shit about a lot of things and people.
Which is why it's SO hard to face the truth: that I am, probably the weakest person you'll ever meet. I don't care about what people think of me because it's easier to live with. I don't need a boyfriend because I'm afraid of crying. I'm nonchalant around my parents because sometimes they say really hurtful stuff - words I would rather wipe away than to take into consideration.
They also say that what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger. That phrase is merely an antidote to subdue the pain of rejection and disappointment, isn't it? How could pain make you stronger? If a man takes a bullet for the first time and the wound heals with time ... would taking another bullet be any less painful?
I have so much love in me to give. I have so much to offer to the world, I really think I do. But this vulnerability in me will hold me back from so many good, maybe great things. And probably it already has.
I feel quite incomplete. What can cure this? Does anybody else ever feel this way, or am I the only one? Like you can't really point out what's wrong in your life ... everything is normal, yet a dull ache remains in your heart. An ache that feels a lot like loneliness, but not quite. You call up your friend, go out for chat fests, you feel exhilirated and happy ... but when you're alone again - oh, there it is. It's very intense, very indescribable.
And it also makes you wonder ... why?
No, really. Why? Enlighten me. What is life supposed to be like?
Labels: personal
Sunday, March 04, 2007 || The guy we want
- *edited*
Was just thinking ...
What my mum wants in *my* boyfriend: Must be rich and very nice to his potential mother-in-law.
What my dad wants in my boyfriend: Must not look like an insect, or bear any resemblances to any animals whatsoever, or that particular insect/animal will stick around as my boyfriend's nickname forever.
Weirdly enough, my love life is one aspect of my life that my parents are not worried or concerned over. -_- I think that all those hours I spent talking about my dating philosophy and ideology must've rubbed off on them.
OMG ... I think that they actually trust me to make the right choices on this one. Though I'll also have to admit that I always somewhat handle it rather well. I sometimes wish that I don't, cause doing the right thing also really hurts a lot, most of the time. -_-
Andddd I just made a very fascinating discovery: I don't like clubbing. *gasp* very surprising!
I mean, I just go clubbing cause there basically is nothing else to do. I absolutely adore the music and dancing -- but the occasional *really* horny guys, the smell of cigs that lingers around until you get a 1-hour bath, the loudness.
I don't really love it. O_o I think that I should go back to my mamak days --- except that all my friends who used to lepak in mamaks talking rubbish are now into clubbing. Gah!
I am going clubbing later. But only because I have nothing else to do. And I think that I've said it before ... doing something definitely tops staying at home watching re-runs while thinking of all the stuff I could be doing to make my life more interesting. Who likes feeling lonely?
What *I* currently want in a boyfriend: Someone who'll watch the re-runs with me. And laugh with me about all the stuff we could be doing to make our lives more interesting - yet we still opted to hang out at home.
oh ... and play PS2 with me.
*** Post note - thoughts before sleeping: - felt super lazy to dress up for clubbing, and thus I wore a plain skirt and a kiddy-looking blue T-shirt. *yawn* no skimpy clothes! who cares if people think I'm weird.
And oh man, Flam and Qbar is sooo ... seafood-ish. o_O
- Number of guys I thought was cute: 1?
Number of guys who asked for my number: 4
Number of guys whom I purposely gave the wrong number: 2
- it was soo boring at first that I went to watch the Liverpool VS Man U match. I didn't know who I was rooting for so I had mixed feelings when Man U won. ahaha
Labels: personal
Friday, March 02, 2007 || Pictures I feel inclined to post (yeah right)
- My Flickr is down! And I wanna post up pics. =(
Gonna use photobucket instead but since it doesn't resize my pics, they are huuuuge. Oh my ...
This is my mum and I in Penang. OMG I inherited her nose.
Since Jon and Jonny boy kinda reminds me of two very different people ... I have no choice but to call him Jon Jon. Wtf.
And okay, I also have my dad's nose. Damn, why does everybody in my family have big noses? O.o
I can just picture my mum and dad doting over my future son. (SON ... because I want a baby boy! don't care.) *BIG smile* My maternal instincts are burningggg ... I wish that I could just find the perfect guy now and have babies NOW. Hahaha
I joked about my kid probably not being very cute, since I like dark people, which would probably mean a dark baby since *I* am also quite dark (fair, white babies are arguably cuter) ... and everybody started making racist comments. -___- I don't like racists! *grr* :p
this is the face he makes when he's trying to make a witty retort to my VERY witty insults hurled at him. Unfortunately, he always sounds lame ... Mwahaha! Surrender, you hippo.
Ok I was just gonna post up even more pictures, but I've realized how lazy I have become. OMG!
I've been on a Gory Movie Marathon. House of a 1000 Corpses ... The Devil's Rejects ... Saw 3 ... the Texas Chainsaw Massacre. I'm surprised I haven't puked yet.
It's very fascinating that such movies are not necessarily fiction ... I mean, there ARE people who are sick and twisted murderers. O.o'' *scurries off to research crazy serial killers on wikepedia*
And oh, do NOT watch The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. It is not only disturbing, I truly doubt that anybody could not puke after watching it. T.T
Labels: pictures
Thursday, March 01, 2007 || "Nadia"
- Went to my usual McD just now to get a burger.
Apparently, those McD dudes *still* remember me. O_o A few months ago, one of them asked for my name, to which I laughed and said "Nadiah". And since then, I believe that they all think that I'm malay.
"Nadia, dah lama tak datang, mengapa?" one of 'em dudes asked me when I was leaving.
"Oh ... sibuk lah.", I answered.
"Sibuk ngan apa? Kerja ke?"
"Er ... belajar la. Rajin sampai takde masa nak makan McD lagi," I piped up. While walking away, laughing at the irony in my lie.
Takkan I say, 'Oh no lah ... I don't come here that much anymore 'cause my best friend's in Terengganu bonding with Kuantan and Sabah girls, and our gang hasn't really hung out here that much since ...". A bit lame right.
"Oh ok ... jumpa lagi, Nadia!", he called out from behind me.
..... I couldn't help but grin. Back then, I was wondering 'why the hell did I tell him my name's nadia?! Wanna bullshit also should've said some name like Aleyah or Tiara right."
And just now, I found myself wondering the exact same thing again. Life is cute. :D
