Thursday, February 15, 2007 || Answers
- .:. Valentines day was pretty ... nice. I opted to spend the whole day with a bunch of close single friends - all of us in the somewhat same position. Movie during the day, party at friend's place in the evening, then Bangsar. Bangsar pretty much sucked, but the company made up for it a bit.
.:. We all ended up emo-ing like shit in Bangsar's 24-hr McD at 2 a.m. I was really emo 'cause I had nothing to emo about. Everybody was emoing about the people they miss, but I was busy cracking my head wondering who to miss. It's a rather weird feeling, I tell you.
Honestly? Even if I do miss anyone, I just miss them for the feelings they made me feel. Not really them them. I miss "A" for his company and lame jokes. I miss "B" for having so damn much vision in life. I miss "C" for being uncomplicated and a cute fling.
.:. In my so-called quest to find myself, I've done a LOT of crappy things. It's really hard to explain, but I feel that in life, you're just meant to be ... somebody. Good or bad. You have to make the choice yourself. I never really knew what kind of person I'm supposed to be.
Smoked? Breath damn stinky. Overrated.
Told endless lies to get out of shit? Guilt.
Got pissed drunk? Felt like CRAP the next day.
Made out with people I'm not supposed to? ... Guilt. Big big guilt. And feeling shittier ten times over after that.
----
Came home from Bangsar feeling uber emo. But I came home to a very happy Fifi waiting for me at the door.
And I found roasted chestnuts - I LOVE chestnuts - packed up for me on my bed. Though I didn't eat it coz I felt guilty for eating McDs so late at night. So nice of my dad/mum.
I love my parents lah. It just hit me how much I love them. They trust me enough to let me make my own decisions in life.
I found the answer I've been looking for. I'm not a bad person.
Since the parentals have given me so much space to explore my boundaries, make mistakes, and find out who I really am ... I've made my decision. I want something more significant. I think that this is the right choice.
Labels: personal
