Sunday, February 19, 2006 || Lost, confused, and vulnerable. BLAH
- ... I am not that happy.
I don't like making decisions.
Anyway, I'm not the type that'd actually ask people for advice ... O_o Most of the time when I have a problem, I'll think of a solution, make my own decision, then inform other people.
But blah, I am fuxking confused right now. Okay, so my parents want me to take 6 months to dedicate my ass off to study diploma for my electone/organ. Ya ya, I know it's unbelievable, but I have technically graduated after I finished grade 8, thus I am qualified to take up diploma.
The main reason my parents want me to do so is because they can't seem to sell off my organ, cause there's supposedly a spanking new model available on the market now. And also, they want me to have a "back-up plan", just in case I get cuckoo and decide to screw up my college education.
I wouldn't mind being in the music field, seriously. I mean, teaching kids SOMETHING, and the opportunity to hang out with them has always been one of my dreams. But well, trust me when I say this, I possess NO musical talent at all. I can study it ... but I know that I'm not talented in it. I don't have an ear for it. I wouldn't be able to write a freaking song if my life depended on it, unless it's supposed to sound like Blah Blah Black Sheep.
So they want me to really, REALLY work on my diploma to pass the exam and get the goddamn cert. The bright side of it is that I'll be able to work/play/sleep until the exams are over, since I'll be focusing all my apparent "energy" into my music.
*grunts*
But I don't know if I'm going to go through with this. My parents won't force me if I really don't want it...... I think.
And uh oh, all of a sudden, I feel like Journalism really is NOT my thing. I mean, have you even realized how fuxking SHITTY my english has become ever since SPM ended ah? I think I can't even write a stupid story anymore without puking all over myself at the sadness of reading something that is so SO bad.
And I can just imagine what will happen if I get assigned to interview an asshole.
Me: Hi, I'm Eliza Lee from Blah Blah Blergh Mag! =)
Asshole: *yawn* yea, go on. I am not interested in who you are.
Me: ... Well, errr ... How did you get along with your co-star on set?
Asshole: Heh. We got along REAL fine ... if you know what I mean.
Me: Yo f*cker, are you deliberately trying to make my life a living hell? Can you gimme some good shit for my goddamn article?! ARGH. STUPID BAS--
........... Yeah, the images are spinning oh-SO-clearly in my mind now.
I hate this. I absolutely hate not knowing what's my next move. Get a grip, Liz, you're so damn vulnerable.
I really, REALLY wish that I could somehow get an opportunity to study overseas. I will come home, of course, but I just want to know what it's like to live someplace totally distant and new. Heck, I'm still young now, but there'll come a day when I might wanna settle down. Or when my bones become too fragile they might break if I live in another climate. (haha!)
But my parents will never be able to afford that, and I seriously wouldn't ask that out of them. A scholarship is no-no cause my SPM results will be f*cked either way.
... Whatever. I will follow the tide and go wherever the waves bring me ~~~
And hopefully I'll end up at some gorgeous, exotic Island in the middle of nowhere. And there'll be Tarzan waiting for me there.
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
