Sunday, September 25, 2005 || Symphonies
- I've decided to delete my so-called portfolio at writing.com, so before that, I need to move all my "creative" works that I posted there, to my darling blog ... >.<
Seriously, I need to change my writing style. :/
Dedicated to nobody in particular. Actually, I can think of some people, but it'd be way too embarrassing, hah. The guy in the story was originally named Mark, but I changed it, cause almost all of my stories have 'Mark' in it. So school-girl of me ...
By the way, Happy Sassy Seventeen, Cally!
Symphonies
Soft symphonies and mellow melodies radiated from my radio, filling my ears with a sweet tune as I huddled in a corner of my bed. I hugged my pillow close to me and I squeezed my eyes shut, a light attempt at shutting out all the meaningless tunes and gripping memories. I felt as though my head was in turmoil... voices screaming at each other, memories colliding like an endless waterfall of misery and fumbled emotions. I felt tears welling up for what must have been the hundredth time and I covered my face in my blanket to stifle a cry. A cry for what I had, gained and lost. A cry for the hurtful words, a cry for the lies and a cry for my pain. Cry, cry... like a little baby, unable to crawl on its own. A helpless being, a nobody on my own. I tilted my head back and felt my heavy eyelids flutter and close, feeling myself drown in deep waves of tarnished emotions and fragments of memories. And the nightmare and dreams started all over again...
***
"A penny for your thoughts." A deep voice said from behind me. I turned around and saw a tall, dark-haired stranger with intense brown eyes leaning on an old oak tree with a soft smile playing on his lips. Feeling embarrassed, I averted my gaze. Here I was, sitting in a park bench in the most secluded spot I could find, sobbing silently. The fact that I was approached by a sullen stranger didn't help at all. I felt somebody sit beside me and the Stranger placed a handkerchief in my hand.
"The weather sure looks beautiful from here, doesn't it? I never fully appreciated it until I looked at its wonders from this angle." the voice continued. I sniffed and looked up... the white fluffy clouds did seem to be particularly beautiful today, forming a beautiful shape with the sunshine glittering around it. I took the handkerchief and sniffed into it while muttering a weak 'thanks' and I stood up, hoping to find another place to be peaceful and alone with my misery. "Wait, my name's Mark, I don't know why you're crying but you seem like you could use an ear... or just a friend. Maybe I could make it less painful for you, if you'd let me..." the dark-haired stranger earnestly said, looking me in the eye with those intense yet dreamy eyes. I felt a choke in my throat and I crumbled... unknowing at that time that a simple action from a normal stranger would change my life forever.
***
I never knew what joy was until I met Caleb. After our odd beginning, our friendship developed and bloomed like a sunflower in the midst of summer and sunshine. Somehow, our relationship seemed to strengthen me and for once in my life I could forget my problems and worries and be truly happy. My parents being on the verge of divorce, my fights with my best friend and my deteriorating grades... all the problems in the world couldn't seem to falter my new-found joy and happiness as long as Caleb was there to soothe me with his soft deep voice and smiling eyes. I ended my life-long search for bliss. I've finally found it and the bliss was Caleb.
Unknowingly and suddenly, our friendship blossomed into something else... I couldn't be happier, couldn't be living out a more perfect life. Everything else seemed blurry to my vision... the only clear spot was him.
***
"Feel this..." familiar arms enclosed around my waists and firm hands encircled around mine, bringing it close to his chest. I could almost feel the light heartbeats... "Can you feel this? It's all yours...It started beating to it's rhythm the day I met you... " a familiar voice whispered into my ears. I nestled in his arms feeling a spurt of an indescribable joy and sheer happiness from the bottom of my heart. 'This feeling will never fade... not till infinity. How did I ever live before ever experiencing this?' I thought. We were young, full of zest for life and in love. A fortress of love was built on the solid grounds of trust and understanding... Being in love, our world was full of rainbows and songs, true happiness radiated within our laughter and our tears were wiped away by tender kisses and light caresses. The sky was a deep shade of blue... with bright twinkling stars accentuated by cotton-like clouds that were barely visible. The moonlight danced and shone, perfectly reflected on the soft waves of the calm river. "See all this beauty? See those stars and the moon? They're all twinkling for your smile and shining for our love..."
***
"What do you mean you have a date?" an angry voice snapped impatiently over the phone. "This is the third time you're blowing me off this week... I didn't think that a normal guy would affect you and us so much. I really don't believe it..." I felt myself tense and tersely retorted:" He means a lot to me...at least he understands me, which is much more than what I could ever say about you!" I heard the dial tone and instantly felt a surge of regret. Jennifer didn't understand... she was my best friend she couldn't see why I needed Caleb. Even my mum didn't understand... she disliked my getting too close with him. I put all further thoughts of them away as I got ready to meet Mark.
***
'I don't wanna close my eyes... I don't wanna fall asleep cause I'd miss you baby... And I don't wanna miss a thing...' Songs from my favourite CD filled the car as Caleb and I laid back and enjoyed the spectacular mountain scenery. "Somehow, I think that this song speaks to us." Caleb remarked casually. "Of course not, we're not going to be apart, right?" I voiced thoughtfully. Caleb looked at me and for once, I couldn't read the meaning behind his intense gaze. His eyes seemed to be filled with an array of emotions... different and overwhelming. I thought I saw a trace of pain and sadness but in a blink of a second, he looked away and smiled. "I love you so much, you know that?" Caleb said softly, almost a whisper. I nearly felt my heart stop and I allowed myself to drown in the intensity of his eyes and his arms.
"I love you too..."
***
It was a bright sunny day in June, the skies were blue with birds flying freely in the air and dragonflies buzzing busily at the bank of the river. Caleb and I were having a picnic to celebrate his 18th birthday, in the peaceful park where we first met. We laughed, talked and played while enjoying the peaceful serenity of its beautiful surroundings. "Here, make a wish..." I said, lighting up the candles on a small vanilla cake. He squeezed his eyes shut and blew out the candles. "What did you wish for?" I asked, my smile dropping when I saw the newfound pain and tears that seemed to well up in the corner of his eyes. "I'm going to England..." He said softly. "What? No, you’re joking, right?" I exclaimed, shaking my head in disbelief.
"No, listen to me please... I received a scholarship to Oxford. It's a six year course in architecture... it's everything I've ever dreamed of. I tried to tell you sooner, but I wanted to spend every last moment happily with you. I'm sorry..." his voiced cracked as a single tear emitted from his perfect eyes. I took a deep breath, trying to control the waves of nausea and emotion that suddenly attacked me, "When are you leaving?" I choked out, not bothering to contain the tears that freely flowed. "Next Monday... Do you know what I wished for? I wished that you'll be happy and will always be strong and full of love... even when I'm not by your side anymore. Please be strong and understand that I've always loved you... I have my dreams to fulfill and we have our goals to achieve and lives to lead, even without each other." He pulled me close and embraced me... I felt the familiar strong arms around me and I sobbed into his shoulders. Crying for what I've just lost, crying for the future and crying over the fact that I'll never be held this way, with these arms anymore.
***
I woke up and sat up, feeling the light summer breeze blow lightly at my hair. The sun was as bright as always and the trees swayed rhythmically. I've never felt lonelier in my life... my friends weren't there for me anymore as I barely spoke to them when I had Caleb and my mum didn't seem to care. I wobbly stood up and I heard a loud 'thud' behind me. I turned around to find a photo frame on the floor... in it was a picture of Caleb and I, taken on our first real date. It was a gift from Caleb... I picked up the picture and couldn't help smiling at the similiarly excited look we both had in our eyes. I turned it around and noticed that there were wordings engraved at the back of it, words I almost forgot. 'I love your smile and I love you... let's love without regrets and smile throughout it all. Love, Caleb.'
I felt the familiar wave of emotion and I smiled. Suddenly, a different song started to play on the radio... 'I don't wanna close my eyes... I don't wanna fall asleep cause I'd miss you baby and I don't wanna miss a thing... Cause even when I dream of you... the sweetest dream would never do I still miss you baby and I don't wanna miss a thing...'
"I miss you, Caleb. I miss you so, so much... But I have to live without you, I have to be strong for myself, and for you... I still have to smile and I still have to laugh. I miss your dreamy eyes and your soothing voice... but a part of you will always remain with me. With every memory, I can feel your arms around me. Whenever I feel sad, I feel the breeze and wind blowing against my ear in soft whispers... It's almost like hearing your voice whispering comforting words into my ears. For now, that's enough. Thank you for teaching me how to love.' I whispered into the picture, as the song continued playing softly on the radio... I stared at the picture and I smiled. Not for Caleb, but for myself. Caleb helped me to get on my feet when I was struggling with my walk and path in life. Like an angel from heaven, he cared and taught me so much. Through him, I found the real me. For Caleb and myself, I have to continue my pursue of self-discovery, true kindness and love. My journey in life hasn't ended yet - it had only just begun.
