Tuesday, September 20, 2005 || Issues, issues and more issues.
- Ladies and gentlemen, I hereby declare that I'm in the state of Kedah. I mean, well, to be exact, I'm in a lil' town called Kulim.
You see, at about 2 am yesterday, my uncle (he lives with my family, cause he's currently working in KL) received a rather frantic phone call from his two daughters, informing him that their mum was hospitalized. So, well, he and my parents got all crazy and worried, so they decided to immediately take a drive down to Kulim, to visit my aunt in the hospital and make sure that she's alright.
I'm sure she is, though, just some fractures and wounds, I think. See, accidents do happen, in the weirdest of times. I didn't want to go --- because, well, Kulim is the land of the Boringest. But, I had to, they couldn't leave me alone or I'd
Thank God they have internet. I mean, its kind of slow and everything, but whatever. I even managed to install MSN Messenger into it. Don't tell my cousins, ya?
I hate long journeys. I feel so woozy now. And, on the way to Kulim, my dad actually initiated what he calls a 'Family Meeting' (*smirks*), which was way embarrassing, considering the fact that my uncle was in the front seat.
Father: We need to discuss your curfew. I realized that I've been too lenient with you, and see what happened? I see you around those punks everyday ...
Me: What ...... punks.
Father: Well, that wild May Lee and that new best friend of yours, Cally. I see them in our house all the time. Bad influence for you lah, avoid them, you should be more like Christine or Ivy, they're such studious and sweet girls.
Me: You do realize that I've been best friends with May Lee since forever? And by the way, I think I'm more of a bad influence to them, you know?
Father: Ya, girl, that's why I must set new rules and curfews for you. First, no going out on weekdays ... second ... *drones on*
Me: For your information, dad, we had this discussion the beginning of the year, and frankly, I'm not about to re-negotiate. Why the sudden parental attention? Sorry to say, it's a bit too late for that, you know?
Well, okay, the real convo was not as rude as that, but that was the gist of it. I mean ... I do love my parents and everything, but I'll have to say that they're not exactly the most ... functioning parents. I know that they do love me and everything, but honestly, I respect them for being my biological parents and for giving birth to me, but on a human-to-human level, they don't really have that much of my respects. My dad is ... sort of indescribable. He's cheerful and perky at some times, but there are times when he'll just yell at me for the sake of it. Of course, thank God, he doesn't dare hit me or anything anymore.
My mother is a bit ... lazy. I mean, I'm the one who has to buy lunch and dinner for the whole family almost everyday, not her. I can understand that she has insomnia and everything, but spending her life, sleeping on the couch in front of the TV, is not exactly the ideal lifestyle, if you ask me. (Of course, I do agree that my lifestyle is far from appealing, either.) And I guess that one of my fears in life, is that I'll someday turn out like her. Because, even at such a young age, I already have problems sleeping. I do understand how it feels, unlike my sister, who thinks that she's useless. To feel what it's like, not to have slept a wink all night. To spend the whole night, wondering when you'll actually fall asleep. It's not really torture, I guess, but definitely not heaven as well.
But, you see, I am trying to do something about it. I could sleep all day, in front of the TV, but at least I try my best to still spend time with my dog and friends, cycle, read novels and everything. They've let me run my own life since I was practically 12. I've made my own decisions, even what secondary school to apply for, and what stream to choose. It has come to a point that they're not even aware that my trials are over, or that I've been facing my trials at all.
And still, they have the nerve to tell me what kind of a failure I'll end up to be. I know, I'm not as gutsy, daring and street-smart as my older sister, and without academic results to help me, I may just end up cleaning toilets for the rest of my life. But in the first place, what's the deal with comparing me with endless other people, be it my own blood sister, or my more studious friends like Chris or Ivy? Can't they just see that I'm my own individual, and I have no intention whatsoever to follow in their footsteps?
Sure, I'd like to see the world like my sister already has. Sure, I'd like to have two houses by the age of 28. Sure, I'd like to have enough cash to buy my dad a Camry. If I could ... I would. I wish I could just tell my parents to chill and not worry about spending their futures in an old folk's home, without any daughters to take care of them. My sister isn't even living in Malaysia anymore, so she definitely doesn't have to do the honours. I will. I mean, I'm not exactly cold-blooded, and even if I am poor and struggling, without savings and no car, by the age of 30, I will still make sure that they are alright. No matter how low I think of them, at times, I still love them, because they are my parents, and I don't have any other choice.
I wish that, for once, they'll just see that in me, instead of seeing a "punk" and a rebellious kid with best friends that are "bad influence". For cripe's sake, my friends are even more aware of my life and my problems than they are.
Sigh. I think I'll continue exploring this weird computer.
