Friday, August 12, 2005 || A lil' bit of confidence ...
- It's hard to be seventeen. At this point of time, I just wish that I was sixteen again. Or six. Comparatively, things were so much simpler back then ... even though sixteen is merely just a year back.
I wish I hadn't enrolled for the science stream, back in Form four. I just don't have what it takes ... Personally, I find myself to be more inclined towards the arts, but because of my so-called high achievements in my form three examinations, I was placed in the Science stream with all the other booksmart people in my school.
Torture.
Well, people, always follow your heart, not your ego ... If it weren't for the fact that most people around here adopts the mentality that science stream students are more superior, I guess I wouldn't have caved in so easily. Aiseh. I just know it, I'm going to fail my upcoming-major-life-altering exam, SPM. Or not.
Well, it doesn't bother me that much, really. Ever since my year five in secondary school started, I've had a pretty hard time maintaining my self-esteem and deflating confidence. And you know what? I'm tired of feeling self-pity for myself all the time. I'm sick of being so openly insecure and so conscious of my flaws. It just burns me out ...
I need to start taking risks in life. :D I was just reading Roald Dahl's biography (Boy and Going Solo), and man, that guy sure had an interesting life. And if his life was normal, like any other person, he sure as hell made it sound pretty fascinating. And that's the kind of life that I want for myself ...
At the end of the day, I want to be able to write an autobiography about myself, and fill it with tales of many colourful relationships and wonderful adventures of my own. Therefore, I ought to pursue a totally bizarre career. Hmm. Would it be possible for me to hitch-hike my way across the ocean, stop for some tea at the Bermuda Triangles and make my debut in L.A as an animal trainer?
Or maybe, I should pursue acting. God knows I'm pretty good at it, considering how I managed to bluff my dad into giving me his handphone ... Who knows, huh? Maybe I could be the next Michelle Yeoh or Zhang Zi Yi.
Okay. Quit dreaming, girl.
I am so determined to make for myself an interesting life. Who cares if I have a pathetic lovelife, absurdly dysfunctional parents and almost-too-average looks? If anything's standing in my way ... Well, I'll just use my superhuman strength and shove it aside. *grins*
And to prove my point, I did a totally out-of-character thing at a pasar malam just now. I noticed a VCD seller giving me a once-over, and I walked over and ...
"Hi. *smiles*"
"Any shows that you may be interested in, miss?"
"Well, no. Unless the show has you in it ..."
VCD Seller: "*grins broadly* Um, can I have your number?"
Me: "Uh ... what? Oh!"
And after that, I made a less-than-remarkable exit by tripping over a banana skin. Touche. Actually, I'm sure that many girls have done things of that sort, but trust me ... I'm not really the confident-outgoing-flirtatious type. In fact, I hardly doubt that I possess any skills of flirting at all.
Well. Maybe I have potential, after all.
